Another MYOB question
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Anonymous
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MIL recently went to visit BIL/SIL (DH's brother's family). She claimed that our 10 y.o. nephew was masturbating, basically in public. She said they went to a movie and he masturbated to completion, while sitting next to her. MIL told this to her own therapist, who said, if its true, it could* be a sign that nephew is the victim of inappropriate touching or other sexual activity.
MIL has a history of overreacting/misinterpreting. BIL/SIL are very sensitive as they often feel their parenting methods are being criticized. MIL tried to tell BIL and he didnt want to listen and basically blew up at her. SIL brushed it off and said that nephew probably just had to pee. MIL then told DH and pleaded with him to talk to BIL. On the remote chance that its actually true and nephew is a victim of something, I feel we should tell them, but I dont want to damage the relationship with BIL/SIL since they are already so defensive. WWYD? |
Anonymous
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A 10 year old masturbating is normal behavior and will be normal behavior for....well the rest of his life.
You should stay out of it and your DH should tell his mother to stay out of it. |
Anonymous
Is it normal for him to do it sitting next to his grandmother at a movie? |
Anonymous
| What was the movie? |
Anonymous
Yes, but masturbating in a movie theater next to GRANDMA?? Something is wrong if that is true. |
Anonymous
Despicable Me - nothing sexy. |
Anonymous
| Something is wrong with grandma to just sit during the movie, watching the little boy masterbate until completion. Disturbing... |
Anonymous
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OP, you said MIL has a "history of overreacting/misinterpreting." That could be key here. Do you think it's possible she is doing just that in this case? Does her history, in your and your husband's experience, tend toward accusations that are sexual in nature, or focused on inappropriate activity by others, or focused on kids being "bad" so that maybe she can blame the parents? I would think through all that and consider whether her history means she cries wolf and shouldn't be believed.
But folks who cry wolf can, at times, be right just once. I hope she's not right this time, because though boys his age do of course masturbate, any kid who is 10 -- but totally lacks the mental "brakes" to know it's gross and wrong to do it sitting just inches from an adult -- either has been abused or has mental or emotional issues that require help now, not later. A kid that age should already have enough sense to feel totally weird at the thought of doing it next to grandma. If nephew lacks that sense, something's off. Did you or husband ask MIL, "Why didn't you SAY something to Nephew? He was right next to you and you could have said loudly, 'If you need the toilet, go now!'" I'm not sure why she didn't at least hiss something at him along those lines. That would kill any jollies he was feeling, for certain. Can MIL explain why she didn't say anything or at least get up and leave if he was going "to completion"? |
Anonymous
| Maybe BIL is the one doing the abusing if there is abuse. |
Anonymous
| Stay out of it. Don't touch it with a ten foot pole. You have an unreliable source. The most I would do is put it right back in your MIL's lap and tell her she should raise the issue with them if she must. |
Anonymous
VERY. |
Anonymous
Agree with this. How did she know it was to completion? Your MIL sounds really weird. And since she is prone to exaggeration, it wouldn't surprise me if your nephew had a very itchy crotch and let out a big sigh once he was able to get the itch to fo away by scratching it. |
Anonymous
| That is one creepy grandmother. OP, it you have kids I would really encourage you to limit the contact they have with her. |
Anonymous
Despicable MIL |
Anonymous
+1 You have no clue what actually happened; it would be foolish to act on it. |