MIL visits
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Anonymous
| I don't hate my MIL, but i HATE having her stay in my house. I love having her visit with the kids, but if she stays at our house I have no time to decompress at the end of the day and I get crabby and I internally take it out on my MIL. DH doesn't get it (because she's his mom and, more generally, he doesn't need the alone time at the end of the day) so is there any nice way to ask her to limit visits to 2 nights or stay at a hotel? If there's not, there's not, but i'm hoping someone else has had this issue and resolved it. |
Anonymous
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How close does she live? Is it close enough that a weekend visit is worth it, or are we talking expensive plane tickets here? If it's a 3-4 hour drive or train ride, yes, I think you can get away with asking for shorter visits. If not, it might be a bit harder.
Why can't you get a little time to yourself at the end of the day? Go for a walk, retreat to your bedroom, let DH be responsible for organizing dinner, let one of the nights she's there be an opportunity for you to schedule dinner with a girlfriend or go shopping or... I think you need to get creative here, if you otherwise get along with your MIL and she's not coming over constantly, to find a reprieve for yourself. |
Anonymous
| Word for word, I could have written this myself. No solution found yet, but trying to get dh more on board when planning the visits so that he could indicate that we are only available for visitors for those 2 nights. I'm not sure there actually is a solution that doesn't come across as rude to some people, unfortunately. |
Anonymous
| My MIL is the ultimate extrovert and I'm introverted. I had the same problems as you, but found things are much easier with the kids. MIL loves the opportunity to entertain them, and I love the opportunity to get out without them. Can something like this work for you? |
Anonymous
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1. Can you and DH (and by that I mean DH) tell her that you two are starting a new thing where you only have houseguests, no matter who they are, visit for no more than 3 days, max, with no more than one visit a month (or whatever) because you find your household flows best with minimal disruptions to the routine?
2. Can your kids go have a weekend with Grandma? 3. Can you just say, "Okay, good night Phyllis. Yes, I know it's only 8:30, but I need to get ready for tomorrow, so it's off to bed for me." Then putter around your bedroom for a couple of hours. Or go meet a friend after dinner at a nearby coffee shop or something. |
Anonymous
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OP here - these are helpful replies. She lives about a 3 hour flight away, but she doesn't love to travel and so she likes the longer visits. I guess part of my confusion is why she would WANT to stay in our house for longer than 2 days - doesn't she want her own space?
I think the best strategy is to make plans with friends the nights she is there - maybe even something as indulgent as seeing a movie by myself! And I like the suggestion above of just going upstairs after dinner and "getting ready for tomorrow." |
Anonymous
| I would suggest a combo of making your own plans out of the house or suggesting that your husband and MIL go out to dinner or the theatre by themselves so you can be home alone. |
Anonymous
| Let her hang out with your DH & go out with your friends, take advantage of happy hour, night out at the museum, yoga class you've been meaning to try. I wouldn't totally disappear for the whole week, plan to have dinner with DH and MIL a couple of times during the week- perhaps a new place to treat yourself. I think staying confined in your house is what makes you crazy durring her visits so don't be afraid to get out of the house |
Anonymous
| You have to be okay with closing the door. I'm an introvert too and sometimes get a shower just to escape houseguests. Do not feel guilty with closing the door for 1-2 hours in the evening and reading a book. You will be more pleasant to the MIL for it, which I'm sure she will appreciate. Say you have a headache, or need to make a phone call, or pay bills, or just go with the truth. You need a break from people and will see her in an hour. |
Anonymous
Plus one. She probably wouldn't mind having some alone time with her son without you there |
Anonymous
Because she spent money on a plane ticket and flew for 3 hours...I would not want to do that for 2 days only either. I get that you don't do to well with people in your space...can u not just go to your room and close the door? I don't vastly alter my sked when my MIL comes during a work week...if i want to come home and go to my room...that is what i do... It is family...if u explain...hey...i need some alone time to decompress...can u not say that?? |
Anonymous
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Gosh, Phyllis, we are all really looking forward to your visit. On Monday after we get you back from the airport, your son is going to grill us a wonderful dinner. Tuesday evening I have a late meeting at work so I am leaving dinner for you guys to heat up (no need to tell *anyone* that your late meeting is happy hour and dinner with girlfriends). Wednesday we are all taking the day off and going to Great Falls/the movies/the Smithsonian. That night I am going to excuse myself early because I have big day at work Thursday and I need to get in the zone for it. Thursday your son is going to take you and the kids to the Nats game/to the neighborhood pool party/the splash park. I may or may not come. I know it is nice for you to have time with just them and it is so important. Friday we will take you to the airport. What a great week we will have!
It's all about managing expectations. |
Anonymous
| I think she should have some say in the activities |
Anonymous
| How often does she come? If it's just a few times a year I wouldn't suggest she stay somewhere else. Take the opportunity to spend some time with girlfriends or have an afterwork pedicure. |
Anonymous
| I feel the exact same way, OP, and after lengthy discussions with DH, we decided it's best for all of us if she stays in a hotel. It's not what she wants but it's not her decision to make. Because we now have some space at the start and end of each day of her trip, the visit is now tolerable and she's invited back more frequently. |