Left babysitting our newphew while family in town
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I posted a different issue with this situation before, and this is more of a vent. My mom invited my brother, SIL, and nephew to stay with us for the Fourth of July. They came for 5 days, but I didn't take off work. I don't get holidays off. While we'll chat, we're not super close, so we wouldn't travel to just visit each other. While we were trying to take care of our infant the entire weekend and a good chunk of the rest of the time they were here, DH and I were left to care for my 6yo nephew. In other life situations, it wouldn't be an issue. It is an issue this weekend, because we were never asked (we would have said no) and we have a very high need infant that we're barely keeping our head above water with. At various times, the one to three adults responsible for my nephew would be shopping, hanging out downstairs, sleeping downstairs, grilling outside, drinking downstairs, watching TV downstairs, or "touristing" at the monuments. This while my nephew was left to play upstairs in our living room. For example, while SIL and mom were at the monuments yesterday, my nephew was in the care of my brother, who didn't get out of bed until almost 4pm. So, the food making, the clothing help, the questions, the discipline, quelling the boredom, etc fell onto us. They kept talking about how this was their "vacation" but we didn't understand that this meant they didn't want to have to parent the whole weekend.
My nephew doesn't understand boundaries at 6 years old. We don't know if he should at this point. He's very rough with her. We have to ask him over and over to get out of the baby's face, stop doing X to the baby, stop doing Y to the baby. Just leave the baby alone. Sometimes, the interactions are gentile enough and she enjoys them. DH had to go pick up my stranded mom and SIL yesterday who didn't factor a metro trip return into their plans. He left while I was putting the baby down for a nap (i.e. before I could tell him that they were shit out of luck). My brother was still sleeping at 2pm, so there was a point where I was left alone with the baby and my nephew for 30-45 minutes. I couldn't leave the room to do anything (go to the bathroom, put the dishes away, etc.) without coming back into view to find him in her face. I came out of the bathroom to find him jettisoning her in her walker away from him with his feet. Apparently, DH said he caught him doing this earlier and said to stop it. He does interact with his cousin at home, who my SIL babysits. A few weeks younger than my DD. According to his parents, this is how he acts around that baby, too. Insert chuckles here from folks with 2 kids -- I am not cut out for it, not happening. That aside, he's not integrated into our routine. We have very little to entertain him with and we were not expecting to have to babysit an entire weekend. The baby is screaming her head off, and he comes up to me wanting me to fix his game now, or help him with his belt now, or get him some chocolate milk now. When confronted about leaving us with my nephew all weekend, my mom said that she just wanted one-on-one time with my brother and SIL. WTF?! You all just walked off and left him with us. You didn't ask us if it was cool. You told me that there was someone here to look after him, but no parent showed up to take care of him. My mom invited my nephew to stay for the summer, which I now know I should have put a stop to. I would have created a lot of problems in my family if I would have told them that he had to go home with his parents. My mom is a grown woman, so she's free to make her choices, but I realize now that we're probably going to have many more issues to deal with as a result. |
Anonymous
|
Move out of ur mom's house...so u won't be around and available to babysit
end of story |
Anonymous
| Grow up and get your own place. |
Anonymous
This. And stop being a doormat. |
Anonymous
|
And don't project your frustration with the situation on to a six year old child. It's not his fault that his parents have put you in this position.
You need to set boundaries and say that you aren't going to be responsible for the six year old, whose behavior sounds pretty typical for his age. If you don't say anything and decide to suffer in silence, don't take it out on the kid. |
Anonymous
It is my house. And, I do need to stop being a doormat. I think you posted that the last time. Always helpful. |
Anonymous
PP here. LOL I actually did not post on any thread in a long time about someone being a doormat...so I dont think it was your other one. I am sorry this happened, but seriously speak up next time and then if it is your house...DO NOT let your mother invite house guests!!!! Even if family I cannot believe she invited the 6 yo to stay with you ALL summer. Address that immediately OP or you will regret it. Also, your DH sounds like a saint! Goodluck! |
Anonymous
|
I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, this is typical and can lead to serious family conflicts, so nip this in the bud.
(My SIL fell out permanently with her other SIL several years ago because one mother had dumped her FOUR children on the other mother for an entire day, without warning - just walked out of the house one morning and came back at night. They argued when she came home, and have not spoken to each other since.) To avoid lasting resentment, make your expectations crystal clear: "Brother and SIL, I cannot manage your son right now with DD still an infant, especially as he does not know how to interact with young children. I love you all and the next time you visit, one of you needs to take turns taking care of your own son. When both our kids are older, I am sure I will be able to handle both of them. Thank you." And make sure your DH and your mother get that message as well, so they don't agree to sudden changes of plans that "inadvertently" leave you with both kiddos... If you are left along with both of them, do not be afraid of disciplining your nephew. Tell him the house rules (no touching Baby's face, no throwing, no jumping on the couch, etc) and repeat and enforce. |
Anonymous
| So why don't you do something about it instead of complaining here? Too easy being the victim, stick up for yourself! |
Anonymous
| I am confused by the situation. Does your mother live in your house, or does your family live in your mother's house? |
Anonymous
Sometimes, people need validation before being able to stick up for themselves. There are lots of "was I wrong to be a b%$@h" posts on here. |
Anonymous
| You should have gotten your brother out of bed and told him to deal with his kid. It's not you responsibility to baby sit because your brother is lazy. |
Anonymous
|
Are you telling me your mother invited your brother and SIL to your house without your permission?
BACKBONE. Own this. |
Anonymous
|
Seriously, my brother would have been up in the morning with his child like an adult, wtf is up with that.
If your mother invited people to stay in your house w/o running it by you first that's on you and something you need to address because it will happen again and again if you don't. It's not ok at all but will be viewed as such as long as you don't say anything. |
Anonymous
It is Interesting to me that you tend to blame the women in this scenario rather than your brother. Why didnt you wake him up and say take care of your kid. Wen they called asking for ride, why didnt you it them on the phone with the brother and let him get up and drive down and pick him up, With son in car? Call brother and say nephew cannot stay with you |