Its been 10 years
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Anonymous
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I havent seen my mother in more than a decade, its been over 2 decades since Ive seen my father. Anyway, this Thanksgiving, I have booked a trip back to my hometown. Only one person knows I am planning to be in town. This is the second time Ive booked a trip, and 2 years ago the night before my flight I chickened out. I havent spoken to my mother since the day I walked out the door. I was young, our relationship at the time was terribly broken and I felt justified in my anger and one day became a month and then before I even bothered to realize it, an entire decade went by. I have a ds my family has never met, much less seen a picture of. He' s 8. He has never asked where his grandparents are, and by the same token, I have never mentioned them.
Anyway, Im just so many different emotions inside. Scared and nervous being the two most forefront. In 10 years my mother has never made an effort to contact me (same cell and email on my end), but neither have I made any effort to contact her. Well, once, 3 years ago I called but got her VM and just hung up. I dont know what I am expecting out of this holiday trip. Its still 4 months away and there isnt a single day that Im not telling myself its ok to go home. Thanks for listening/reading. |
Anonymous
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It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. You are brave too to reestablish contact with a face to face visit rather than a phone call or email but face to face is good in that you will know where things stand.
Just remember that while you have had months to mentally prepare yourself and to think through this from every angle and to deal with the emotions and thoughts about it, you are going to take others by surprise. They won't have had any time to think it through and you are going to get raw reactions. You can't be upset by these immediate reactions. You need to also give your family time to think and work through the process of reestablishing contact if that is what they choose to do. |
Anonymous
| What happened to cause this? |
Anonymous
My mother spit in my face and told me she wished she had gone ahead and aborted me. It literally shattered my heart and when I left, I never looked back. For all I know, she still feels that way. And it scares me to death. |
Anonymous
| To hell with her. You would be better living your life the way you are doing it. If she has not had the decency to reach out to you in ten years then I say screw her. |
Anonymous
| Have you thought about calling or writing first? Are you bringing your son? |
Anonymous
yes, but the thought of calling her makes me hyperventilate so I havent. A letter is a good idea, Ive written thousands in my head, just never felt it was the right time to send one. Yes, ds is going with me but not to my mother's house. Ive reserved the week at a daycare there for him to spend time at if it goes badly when I knock on the door |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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What are you planning to do in your hometown? I mean, where are you planning to stay? Where are you planning to celebrate Thanksgiving?
OP, I don't think you're thinking rationally at all here. Thanksgiving is such a family-based holiday, and you're deserting your family who loves you to go see someone who spit in your face. Or! You're dragging your family to see someone who physically assaulted you and may do that again, except this time, in front of an impressionable 8 year old boy. Either way you've lost your marbles completely. If you want to go see your mother don't do it on Thanksgiving, and don't bring your small child with you. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
ds is my only family, other than him, Im alone he also wont be at my mothers when I first get there, only if it goes ok will I go get him. He'll be at a daycare nearby |
Anonymous
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You all are probably right and I need to just keep looking forward and leave the past in the past. Sometimes the desire to have a mom is so great, that I have this tearful, happy reunion fantasy playing in my head.
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Anonymous
Oh my god, OP, you have completely gone over the deep end! So let's look at this picture together: it's Thanksgiving. You're taking your son and traveling somewhere he's never been before in his entire life. You plan to DUMP HIM IN A DAYCARE during Thanksgiving weekend while you go to see a woman who physically assaulted you last time you saw each other. Then, if you think "it goes ok" you will go fetch your son from this daycare where he knows nobody (which is magically open?) and bring him to your mother? You haven't considered that things could possibly take a turn for the worse? That sometimes people drink during stressful situations AND/OR during holidays? LADY TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR PLAN AND JOIN ME IN SEEING THE CRAZY! |
Anonymous
| What was the relationship like prior to this incident. Was this the norm or one crazy, bad fight? |
Anonymous
You dont have to be so ugly about it, but yes, I see where you are coming from. The daycare I called is open M-W of Thanksgiving week. To the other poster, no, the relationship has always been strained |