DS (6) has social anxiety - books, recommendations?
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Anonymous
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He has always been overly shy, and it has been getting worse as he got older. We have recently started working with a therapist, e are at the beginning. She gives him little tips, things to do when he finds himself overwhelmed, so overwhelmed that he can't speak, the words don't come out of his mouth even if he wants them to. The therapist is good, but in the meantime I wonder what I can do, are there any books for kids, or for me? I found things on amazon but for general anxiety, and I don't think they apply.
Thanks |
Anonymous
What does your therapist say? I have to admit, the fact that she's not bringing you in the loop here makes me question her skill/wisdom. Isn't it fun to pass judgment on others? 
Okay, so I just started calling around for my own DD--a few short months shy of 6 years old. Both the psychologists that I got in touch with (highly recommended by folks I know in the field -- though I'm not in the DC area. We moved a little bit ago--otherwise, I'd share the names with you) told me that they recommended that my husband and I both come. I told the psych that I felt that we parents probably needed quite a bit of coaching at first, and at least some check-ups on our own skills and so we can share feedback both ways: the psych helping us to help DD, and us sharing back what seems to be working well and where we/DD might still need help. I got a whole bunch of suggestions for resources to start, even before meeting with the therapist/psych. I'll list them below, and indicate which ones I just dug up on my own. • Magination Press publications, apparently affiliated with the American Psychological Association (of which I am also a member: premier professional research org in psych). Find it here: http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/index.aspx You can do a search on any number of topics, including anxiety. Some of the publications are already on the list below. There’s one coming out in August 2013 that looks interesting, too: “School Made Easier: A Kid’s Guide to Study Strategies and Anxiety-Busting Tools” by Dr. Wendy Moss & Robin DeLuca-Acconi . Looks like it’s geared toward tweens and adolescents, though. • Resources from Dr. Chris McCurry (located in Washington state), including his books for parents. I also found this recorded Webinar interview with him here: http://www.parentmap.com/article/webinar-strategies-to-free-your-kids-from-stress • Resources from Dr. Amy Saltzman (at Stanford U), especially her web site www.stillquietplace.com . I think he directed me specifically to some of the videos with kids, which children might identify with, some of which are found here: http://www.stillquietplace.com/?page_id=110 Multimedia: (I found this myself) http://www.myanxiouschild.com/ (Audio CD series and workbook that use cognitive behavioral therapy to help kids get a hold of their own thoughts and feelings) I must say, this looks really promising. I saw a lot of “meditation” and relaxation types of stuff out there for kids, but this series looks much, much better and more appropriate for redirecting cognition. Click on the links to hear audio excerpts and sample workbook pages. Books: For kids themselves: • What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids) • What to Do When You Grumble Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Negativity (What to Do Guides for Kids) • What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger (What to Do Guides for Kids) And for adults helping kids: • Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child’s Fears, Worries, and Phobias (I think I found this one myself) • Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happiness (I think I found this one myself) • Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-by-step Guide for Parents |
Anonymous
| Um.... Lexapro. Our dd did not speak in kindergarten. 80% improvement with 10mg dose. |
Anonymous
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To help him practice social skills, one-on-one play dates might be helpful; there's a great checklist at the back of this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Much-Work-Your-Friend/dp/0743254651/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372610816&sr=8-1&keywords=it%27s+so+hard+to+be+your+friend Now that he's 6, have you thought about have a full neuropsych evaluation? Anxiety might be his only issue, but it would be helpful to get a full picture. If this is something of interest to you there are meditation classes for kids in Bethesda & Arlington: http://imcw.org/calendar/events/vw/3/itemid/229/sm/613/d/20130728.aspx http://imcw.org/calendar/events/ctl/viewdetail/mid/613/itemid/656/d/20130728.aspx |
Anonymous
Errr...by no means am I anti-meds...but with children they should be a last resort. |
Anonymous
Based on what? Every kid is different and you have no idea if it was the last resort for the PP or not. |
Anonymous
Not the PP, but I agree with her, and the OP asked for a recommendation and hers seemed to be "Um.. Lexapro." |
Anonymous
| I had SA as a child and a form of hypnosis REALLY worked well for me. I know it sounds odd but I think my mom was desperate for something to help. The therapist basically got me in a really relaxed state by imagining relaxing/soothing things then took me into an imaginary situation like a classroom with other students etc., and basically told me how I was feeling "relaxed, a classmate is smiling and you go to play with her. You're having so much fun". I remember the therapist also gave me a sign to make to have the feelings of relazation and comfort come back-I think it was putting two of my fingers together if I recall. ANyway, your child may be a little too young for it still but maybe not - and something to consider for the future. Every child is different, but for me the very worst thing to do was avoid because then the fear builds up. Lots of exposure in as gentle and nurturing way as possible, lots of encouragement and self-esteem building. |
Anonymous
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I am the OP. Thanks for all the comments, esp the meditation one.
I am finding that most anxiety materials address general anxiety, fears and worries. My DS is not generally anxious, he likes going to new places, trying new things and sports. He doesn't have fear of monsters or anything like that. The problem is really social, he is very very shy. He will NEVER raise his hand in a group, he suffers when he has to speak in front of a group (doesn't like being the center of attention, sweaty hands, etc.), and has a hard time saying hi and bye to neighbours etc, thank yous are difficult, etc. obviously one of the main issue is that, when he is teased, even in a joking way by peers, his reaction prompts more teasing, so he is susceptible to being bullied etc. He does have friends and loves playing, running around etc and he is loud when he is comfortable. But he is not assertive at all, he is always so worried about what others will think! I obviously try to model, I praise him, I try to give him tips, etc. Anyway, was wondering if there are any particular books we can look at together etc. but not general anxiety stuff, it really does not apply. Therapist is great and keeps me in the loop. |
Anonymous
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OP, the links above (that long post) still may be of use to you. The Multimedia one, if you look at the site, differentiates between different kinds of anxiety. The kids' books describe some strategies for overcoming anxiety that are might be useful to a variety of settings, not just "generalized" or "school" or "social."
Honestly I would ask your child's mental health provider to guide you. I don't understand why that person isn't a resource for you, and especially why you might not be in the loop with you kids' therapy. It seems to me that he/she would be teaching your child some strategies, which you should know, too, so you can cue them. At the very least, speaking the same language seems important. |
Anonymous
+1. Meds should be the VERY last resort for children. |
Anonymous
| Can you get your kid into some regular group activities where there is structure and something to do besides talking? Swimming, karate, choir, cub scouts, etc. |
Anonymous
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Oh dear! I am the OP. My son does soccer, he already swims very well, loves music, dancing, yoga etc. No, not all at the same time.
We already do all of that and he is happy to do so. Still, when he talks in a group setting he becomes anxious, never puts himself forward etc. The person who keeps saying again and again thatthe therapist does not keep me in the loop. We have seen the therapist twice, so she just got to know him, find out what is going on, and making a plan. 'and especially why you might not be in the loop with you kids' therapy' I find you boring now, although some of your sources were good. |
Anonymous
OP, kids learn social skills from their peers not their parents or other adults. A social skills group might be helpful. (I also wouldn't discount the idea of medication if therapy and practicing his social skills doesn't improve his ability to interact in a social setting.) |
Anonymous
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OP again
We've done a social skills program. Medication sounds absurd at the moment. |