How do people afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading through this has convinced me how absolutely wretched most of you are, and you have no idea. I think I’d rather hang out with the ordinary folk sending their kids to public than any of you horrid people.

Semi adjacent topic ramblings.

Yea, the flaunting of wealth (in this forum in particular) has always been something else. I’d like to think half the time it’s just a bunch of kids trolling, but unfortunately we’re familiar with “people like that.”

We’re good friends with a “big 3” (another joke, but whatever) teacher. She refuses to let her kid go to the school because of how obscene the kids are there. Different planet kind of things.

Among many examples, one of the more amusing was she didn’t want to have to deal with her child watching classmates go on extravagant trips all the time (a fair number of them on private, of course) while they did a stay/local vacation. That kind of flagrant display of excess can eat away at a young mind.

To the inevitable haters of these comments, we are well off like you. We just don’t flaunt it, or let anyone know. You might want to consider the same. None of us really deserve this, we just worked hard or had a right place right time moment.

Something about wealth in this area really brings out the special in people.

We now return you to the regularly scheduled show off.

I’m sorry but that’s kind of ridiculous. I went to a NE boarding school with some kids whose parents were richer than nearly anyone in the DC area. Saudi money. Old NYC money.

It taught me a good lesson about perspective and how differently people live. Some of those kids were obnoxious; I found the ones that weren’t.

Not sending your kid to a good school because some of the kids are obnoxious is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading through this has convinced me how absolutely wretched most of you are, and you have no idea. I think I’d rather hang out with the ordinary folk sending their kids to public than any of you horrid people.

Semi adjacent topic ramblings.

Yea, the flaunting of wealth (in this forum in particular) has always been something else. I’d like to think half the time it’s just a bunch of kids trolling, but unfortunately we’re familiar with “people like that.”

We’re good friends with a “big 3” (another joke, but whatever) teacher. She refuses to let her kid go to the school because of how obscene the kids are there. Different planet kind of things.

Among many examples, one of the more amusing was she didn’t want to have to deal with her child watching classmates go on extravagant trips all the time (a fair number of them on private, of course) while they did a stay/local vacation. That kind of flagrant display of excess can eat away at a young mind.

To the inevitable haters of these comments, we are well off like you. We just don’t flaunt it, or let anyone know. You might want to consider the same. None of us really deserve this, we just worked hard or had a right place right time moment.

Something about wealth in this area really brings out the special in people.

We now return you to the regularly scheduled show off.

Her loss on getting a probably partially subsidized stellar education. Surprise: extreme wealth exists. Extreme poverty exists. Your children being made aware of this isn't to their detriment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how you can afford that. We have similar income but paid off mortgage, and no way do I think we could afford private for our kids without going on a very tight budget everywhere else in our life.

At $450k with $80k as our largest expense we make it work. We have a small house with a very low mortgage and interest rate, no other major expenses. We are pretty frugal and do mostly vacations driving to visit family and watch all of our day to day expenses. It’s not that comfortable but it’s do-able.

What kind of a cushion do you have if you or your spouse was laid off? Or are you both in very secure jobs (fed, physician)? I wasn't comfortable paying for private until I knew I had enough savings that I'd be ok if I were laid off at age 50 and never got another job at anything new my current salary.

We are in very secure jobs and have saved a good amount for retirement and college but if one of us somehow got laid off our kids would go to public school. We could afford the rest of our current lifestyle with one salary but we consider private a luxury and it would be the first thing to go.

[Anonymous]

We have a HHI 300K, one child and go to private, but in NYC. We receive substantial FA. There is no way we could afford full pay mostly because of our mortgage and a HELOC that is a horrible rate.

Stop listening to people that are telling you what you can and cannot afford. Apply to a top school with a large endowment. Put down ALL of your expenses. Your issue however is going to be the substantial equity in your house. Not sure how you get over that hurdle. The only thing I would say is that the rates are ridiculous now but you still have $750k in equity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a HHI 300K, one child and go to private, but in NYC. We receive substantial FA. There is no way we could afford full pay mostly because of our mortgage and a HELOC that is a horrible rate.

Stop listening to people that are telling you what you can and cannot afford. Apply to a top school with a large endowment. Put down ALL of your expenses. Your issue however is going to be the substantial equity in your house. Not sure how you get over that hurdle. The only thing I would say is that the rates are ridiculous now but you still have $750k in equity.

they could follow your lead and take out a HELOC and then cry poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

I'm always mystified by the bolded above. That is, why would someone be revolted at the prospect of purchasing a significantly superior product for the most important people in their lives? By 'product' I am thinking specifically of the quality of instruction, the curriculum choices, the intensive writing instruction, perhaps the math lab or the choreographer of the spring musical, the very much smaller student-to-teacher ratios that permit many seminar-model upper level courses (think 10:1), individualized and extensive annotated feedback on the many writing assignments, and on and on. The education, in other words, not the lawn and fountains and glitzy fundraiser dinners and clay courts.

If I can afford a top-flight doctor for my children, clinically speaking, who takes an hour+ for each appointment, is it "revolting" if I chose her practice when I could also send my kid to the free county clinic for the same ailment? Should I wait 4 months for 8-minute appointment with a mid-level practitioner with half the education at this free county clinic, just so I can make a point? I mean, both practices are obligated to consider my kid's chronic GI issues, right?

If we didn’t have private schools for the wealthy then maybe we would be forced to address the problems in public education. Same with medical care really.

There are plenty of wealthy people in publics and only so many private slots. That's not going to fix the issue.

I'll go to the best doctor. I've had nurse practitioners who are better than doctors.

I support your right to choose private but this line of thinking is not without merit. In general, families who can afford private school are (in addition to wealthy) engaged and invested in the school community; they prioritize education. School districts do improve when there are more families like these. Sure, there are plenty of these families in publics, but in some neighborhoods more than others.

Surely you’re not suggesting that the same parents sending their kids to private schools are “invested” in their local public schools are you? Because that is absolute bullshit.

They are 100% correct. We went to the top public in our district. Why was it at the top? High income neighborhood. Every single high income neighborhood public does better. Common sense. PTA in one school is 1 million, in another 6k and everyone turns a blind eye and pats themselves on the back for how “smart” their child is or how wonderful their school is when it’s all about resources.

Wealthy parents bring not only money but one of the greatest resources of all… their time. I’ve never seen so many stay at home mothers and fathers and creatives that don’t have to clock into a physical office. You need these people to run the auctions, write grants, etc.

No matter how wealthy you are, not everyone will get into the private school of their choice. Thus… many public schools performing and looking like privates. The rich will make a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a HHI 300K, one child and go to private, but in NYC. We receive substantial FA. There is no way we could afford full pay mostly because of our mortgage and a HELOC that is a horrible rate.

Stop listening to people that are telling you what you can and cannot afford. Apply to a top school with a large endowment. Put down ALL of your expenses. Your issue however is going to be the substantial equity in your house. Not sure how you get over that hurdle. The only thing I would say is that the rates are ridiculous now but you still have $750k in equity.

they could follow your lead and take out a HELOC and then cry poor

I’m not crying poor. I applied. Told the truth. Received FA. End of story. Lol

[Anonymous]

Private schools are not worth it. Don't buy in - your kids can get a completely fine education and get into great colleges from any public school. It's about the kid. The school does not matter. Teachers at private schools are just as bad and good as at public schools. Private schools in this area are so overpriced. I wish I had not sent mine to these ridiculously overpriced schools that were nothing special. Maybe they were a bit cleaner and had better facilities and smaller class sizes - but that's it. Definitely not worth the 50K/yr plus all the dumb donations and other costs of attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private schools are not worth it. Don't buy in - your kids can get a completely fine education and get into great colleges from any public school. It's about the kid. The school does not matter. Teachers at private schools are just as bad and good as at public schools. Private schools in this area are so overpriced. I wish I had not sent mine to these ridiculously overpriced schools that were nothing special. Maybe they were a bit cleaner and had better facilities and smaller class sizes - but that's it. Definitely not worth the 50K/yr plus all the dumb donations and other costs of attendance.

Is this a guarantee?

[Anonymous]

Obviously nothing is a guarantee- but if your kid is brilliant and really excels at what is considered an average public school - they can certainly still get into Ivy League schools. You don't need to pay for these overpriced privates if you can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

There is a misunderstanding of why people pay for private school. These schools have high end amenities, conveniences, resources, and opportunities that just aren’t available in public. Kids get more individual attention and it is a more pleasant experience. There are benefits that go far beyond test scores and college placement.

[Anonymous]

Can this thread die already?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can this thread die already?

You first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very frankly we make more than twice the HHI you do and have half the mortgage. I don’t say it to brag. It’s just that I agree it would be tough in your financial situation. A shocking number of families are really relying on grandparents to make it work.

NP. Unfortunately we are the same, and in an area with lower tuition.

Our school is riddled with grandparents with strong opinions and criticism. Which was strange to me until I realize they are paying tuition, making donations AND making donations in their adult children’s names. So in my experience, larger salary, smaller house or mortgage, and really rich parents is the answer.

PS you will almost never encounter other parents who are upfront about who is paying their kids’ tuition. I sit quietly with a friendly expression on my face at our schools annual grandparents’ day and those grandparents tell me everything!

Eh, I tell my friends and family that the grandparents pay for everything. They have never put any strings on money or told us what to do. My opinion is they deserve the credit. They are great people and we’re very close, both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest and their spouse make the same as OP and sent their kid to public elementary school EOTP. After concluding reluctantly that the local middle and high schools weren’t viable options, they started playing the lottery and applying to privates. It was the last thing they wanted to do because they really didn’t want their kids going to school with a bunch of rich kids, plus they honestly didn’t want to put such a huge dent in their lifestyle. There are lots of things that can be done with kids with that kind of money that can benefit their growth just as much as private education.

Long story short, their kid got into several well known privates in DC but with virtually no financial aid. One very good school upped their offer to $10k in the end, but that still left a price tag of $40k plus and would only go up and they didn’t want to pay it. In the end, they sweated through the lottery and landed at a good option.

We have a lot more money than they do and we are very close with our grandkids. They never asked us to help and we never considered it. I think they knew we shared their philosophical revulsion at the idea of elite private schooling and also knew that we knew it was their choice entirely to live in the school district where they do.

Move along…

NP. It’s philosophically revolting yes. And if I were a parent who had to rely on my parents to pay my child’s private school tuition I’d be embarrassed.

I’m not the least bit embarrassed. The three kids have trust funds for all of their needs and they add to it every year. You don’t think money is passed down from generation to generation?