Father-in-law insists grilling, ruins food

[Anonymous]

In-laws visit regularly, and now that's it's summer, we host backyard bbq's. I'm an aspiring home chef, and love spending my free time (hours upon hours, if available) preparing and making food for my family when I'm not working my tail off at my "real" job. I have some basic rules, such as: fresher is better, always; stay away from processed, no matter how much you think no one can tell; etc. etc. Anyway, I say this to illustrate where I am coming from--I can be anal and controlling about the final products that come out of my kitchen, even if it's just my (appreciative) husband and kids who are the audience.

FIL offers to do the grilling for the bbq's. Not so much as a favor, but because I think he really enjoys it. He can't grill where he lives because of the condo rules. It's nice to see him in the backyard, checking on the meat with a drink in his hand. But he wrecks the food. 36 hours of homemade bbq chicken prep, including homemade italian dressing, bbq seasoning and bbq sauce went out the window when the chicken was mostly charred on the outside and the meat was dry. To be fair, I'm not saying it was throwaway, just a bad grilling job. FIL thought it was delicious.

DCUM chorus, what would you do? Since the bbq is for them when they come over, they are the only guests, is the gracious thing to let him overcook the meat? Or confiscate his tongs, tell him he's an awful griller and grill it yourself? This is DH's opinion, he later said he grew up with FIL's awful food and he found the chicken inedible. He didn't eat much of it and he usually has a big appetite. I think this is kind of mean. It won't stop FIL from visiting, but I find it a very, very blunt approach. Is there a more deft and tactful way of handling this?

I can tell you that if FIL continues to grill, there's no point is making homemade marinades, getting really good cuts of meat, or spending hours of prep on bbq--which I love doing!

Alternate is just to prepare foods when they come over that are not as participatory, such as baked dishes. But I really do love a weekend bbq!!!!! Do I have to give up bbq when they come over?

MIL is not an issue, she doesn't like to cook.

[Anonymous]

I would let him cook. I would also keep an eye on the state of the food, and when you see the stuff that is about where you would like it say "hey, dad, that looks good for me. I'm just not as fond of the char -- can you take some off for me now?"

[Anonymous]

Let him cook. I can't believe this is really a question.

[Anonymous]

Chill out and let him cook.

[Anonymous]

Don't prepare a meal the needs to be grilled.

[Anonymous]

Put less effort into the marinades, etc for the meat and let him BBQ. Save the fancy stuff for another time. (Or for the side dishes and desserts you have when they visit.)

[Anonymous]

12:27, if everyone seemed to chow down and enjoy the food, I would keep my trap shut. I recognize that I can be over-the-top when it comes to food prep, but I think a lot of people who love to cook from scratch and hunt around for obscure ingredients understand this compulsion. I would suppress it to maintain the peace. The problem is DH brought it up and said the chicken was bad, and he didn't like it.

I like PP's suggestion of monitoring the meat--I will have to be careful, though, because he shoos me away. I'm just realizing FIL gets kind of territorial over the grill in his own way. He doesn't even seem to like you throwing on the meat yourself. He wants you to put the food on a table, and he will put on the grill in his own way. He also doesn't seem to want anyone else in the backyard when grilling either. He overcooked the apricots-and-cheese to mush. He said he never grilled apricots before, which made my nervous, and voila! it came back mushy.

Problem is, he doesn't learn from his grilling mistakes. I would love a grill partner in crime, and we can get better over the summer, but he thinks all of it is absolutely delicious. If DH criticizes him as he's threatening to do the next time, FIL will sulk and not grill AT ALL. FIL is an oblivious bad cook. This is a FACT. DH has told a lot of stories from his childhood dinner table that would make anyone who has any rudimentary cooking skills shake their heads.

[Anonymous]

Let him cook. This is not worth hurting his feelings and embarrassing him over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put less effort into the marinades, etc for the meat and let him BBQ. Save the fancy stuff for another time. (Or for the side dishes and desserts you have when they visit.)

This is what I would do. I'm sure your sensitive palate can tell the difference, but if it's going to be cooked to the nth degree, does it really matter?

[Anonymous]

How about doing some kind of simple meat and luxurious side dishes?

Even burgers, and you can make fancy condiments, plus salads and stuff. Then he can be in charge of the meat, and even if it's inedible you've got other things to go with.

Planning on grilled apricots when you're handing them over to someone who can't handle chicken seems overly optimistic.

[Anonymous]

I would let him cook. Make sides, desserts, and apps in abundance that don't need to be grilled. If you know he's a bad griller, don't center your meal around the grill when they come over. I mean, apricots and cheese? Even a decent griller may have a hard time grilling fruit.

[Anonymous]

Get him a digital thermometer - a thermapen.
Tell him you want the steaks, chicken, whatever cooked to a specific temp. My dad and FIL both LOVE their thermapens - I tell them it's like Ray's the Steaks - we cook to temp not to color in our house.

Also let him grill some veggies - some red peppers with char for a later dish? Or some pineapple or peaches for dessert - with your wonderful homemade ice cream and sauce!

[Anonymous]

Apparently my wife is your FIL. 20 years and she still thinks it takes 15 minutes over roaring flames to cook a ribeye. Poor, sad, $10 ribeye.

She refuses to let me near the grill, too. So I focus on the sides, and make things that won't be grilled. I wouldn't have turned over the apricots, for example.

Not that big a deal really. Pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy the time with family.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

OK, DCUM. So far, your collective opinions overwhelmingly say to show some compassion to the sweet man (he really is sweet) and let him grill. Then I need more advice because DH just said this morning he doesn't want them over for a long time. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with the fact that he has what he considers to be a bad weekend meal when they are over, but he's already said they come over too much and I don't want him picking a fight with his FIL over the stupid bbq kettle grill.

What the heck. Maybe I just need to stick to lasagna or hams. BO-RING. I can do those with my eyes shut. So much for my goals of becoming a master griller by the end of summer. *sigh*

I also hope DH doesn't start complaining about how infrequently we have bbq's now. He does love a thick juicy steak.

[Anonymous]

I am 12:27. Listen. I love to cook and am quite good at it. But he is your FIL for cripes sake. Having good manners certainly trumps a cooking compulsion.