Father-in-law insists grilling, ruins food

[Anonymous]

Order takeout!

[Anonymous]

Unless there is a lot more going on I think your husband is in the wrong. He didn't like the chicken so he doesn't want his parents to visit? Bizzarre priorities.
Can't you grill when the ils aren't around? Grilling is our go to cooking method. Easy to do any night of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

OK, DCUM. So far, your collective opinions overwhelmingly say to show some compassion to the sweet man (he really is sweet) and let him grill. Then I need more advice because DH just said this morning he doesn't want them over for a long time. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with the fact that he has what he considers to be a bad weekend meal when they are over, but he's already said they come over too much and I don't want him picking a fight with his FIL over the stupid bbq kettle grill.

What the heck. Maybe I just need to stick to lasagna or hams. BO-RING. I can do those with my eyes shut. So much for my goals of becoming a master griller by the end of summer. *sigh*

I also hope DH doesn't start complaining about how infrequently we have bbq's now. He does love a thick juicy steak.

I'm confused, is your FIL over every night? If so, my answer would change and I'd tell you to tell him you've set a goal of becoming a master griller by the end of the summer, and trade off.

Otherwise, cook other things some nights (there are plenty of foods that take technique but don't use a grill that aren't lasagna or hams or boring, that's ridiculous), and let him grill some nights while you make yummy sides and desserts, and then grill your heart out on the days he's not there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

OK, DCUM. So far, your collective opinions overwhelmingly say to show some compassion to the sweet man (he really is sweet) and let him grill. Then I need more advice because DH just said this morning he doesn't want them over for a long time. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with the fact that he has what he considers to be a bad weekend meal when they are over, but he's already said they come over too much and I don't want him picking a fight with his FIL over the stupid bbq kettle grill.

What the heck. Maybe I just need to stick to lasagna or hams. BO-RING. I can do those with my eyes shut. So much for my goals of becoming a master griller by the end of summer. *sigh*

I also hope DH doesn't start complaining about how infrequently we have bbq's now. He does love a thick juicy steak.

I'm confused, is your FIL over every night? If so, my answer would change and I'd tell you to tell him you've set a goal of becoming a master griller by the end of the summer, and trade off.

Otherwise, cook other things some nights (there are plenty of foods that take technique but don't use a grill that aren't lasagna or hams or boring, that's ridiculous), and let him grill some nights while you make yummy sides and desserts, and then grill your heart out on the days he's not there.

No. Just typical martyr behavior. Oh no! We will never eat good food again. Husband will have to suffer through lasagna and ham. No more thick juicy steaks for him.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow! There's a lot of good advice here. I just want to say, I'm a first time DCUM poster, long-term lurker. Sometimes I find the DCUM responses shockingly blunt, but I always enjoyed the fact that a lot of it was helpful and not sugar-coated in any way. I have given this minor impending family skirmish a lot of thought and have actually considered much of the advice offered. Some more details that make some of the advice inapplicable are:

1. I offered the thermometer!!! FIL said he didn't need one, he can tell by "just by looking" and sent me back to the kitchen. *I* can't tell by looking! Not with meat, anyway. Isnt the ability to tell "just by looking" the holy grail of bbq'ing? Most ppl use a thermometer...

2. I like hamburgers. Forgot to mention that MIL, although she happily exits the kitchen after a little peeking and won't make a peep about the food until it is served, is going to get snooty over burgers. She loves the fancy stuff and is appreciative of them, and she'll pick at the food if she thinks it's too common. She picked at the chicken (which kind of hurt of feelings) but found the apricots very intriguing. I have to take her food preferences into account (which I know well by now), or she's going to suggest going out to dinner, and shoot! I don't want to do that on a lazy Saturday with perfect weather. This suggestion actually makes ME upset.

This isn't as bad as that thread with the gluten-free Jewish couple coming over with the Indian folks who can't eat root vegetables (or something like that), and the host was at a loss what to serve, but OTOH there is some family tinder here I would like to avoid igniting...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow! There's a lot of good advice here. I just want to say, I'm a first time DCUM poster, long-term lurker. Sometimes I find the DCUM responses shockingly blunt, but I always enjoyed the fact that a lot of it was helpful and not sugar-coated in any way. I have given this minor impending family skirmish a lot of thought and have actually considered much of the advice offered. Some more details that make some of the advice inapplicable are:

1. I offered the thermometer!!! FIL said he didn't need one, he can tell by "just by looking" and sent me back to the kitchen. *I* can't tell by looking! Not with meat, anyway. Isnt the ability to tell "just by looking" the holy grail of bbq'ing? Most ppl use a thermometer...

2. I like hamburgers. Forgot to mention that MIL, although she happily exits the kitchen after a little peeking and won't make a peep about the food until it is served, is going to get snooty over burgers. She loves the fancy stuff and is appreciative of them, and she'll pick at the food if she thinks it's too common. She picked at the chicken (which kind of hurt of feelings) but found the apricots very intriguing. I have to take her food preferences into account (which I know well by now), or she's going to suggest going out to dinner, and shoot! I don't want to do that on a lazy Saturday with perfect weather. This suggestion actually makes ME upset.

This isn't as bad as that thread with the gluten-free Jewish couple coming over with the Indian folks who can't eat root vegetables (or something like that), and the host was at a loss what to serve, but OTOH there is some family tinder here I would like to avoid igniting...

I've never seen a thermometer used on a kettle grill. I don't think most people use them.

Hamburgers are so easy. Could you make some marinated whatever (salmon or chicken or . . . ), set some aside for you to grill tomorrow, and serve a mix of chicken and burgers? Then make those fancy sides.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 13:06, yes, there is more going on here. DH says he's had it up to here with Dad's bad cooking. I need to make the weekends when they come down as pleasant as possible for everyone to prevent some blow out. If DH feels that we are catering to his father's desire to wreck good meat, he's going to limit their visits. And I can't grill during the week at all, or weekends when there's work for one of us, or the weather's bad, etc. etc. It's those weekends with good weather when both DH and I have the days free.

As to thermometers, learn something new everyday! I didn't know that thermometers are not used for kettles. So you DO have to learn to eyeball it? See, I have a lot of work ahead of me...

As to takeout, I'm trying to avoid that. Despite my culinary aspirations, due to work I eat enough prepared foods during the week during working hours. I just can't do it on those precious lazy weekends as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 13:06, yes, there is more going on here. DH says he's had it up to here with Dad's bad cooking. I need to make the weekends when they come down as pleasant as possible for everyone to prevent some blow out. If DH feels that we are catering to his father's desire to wreck good meat, he's going to limit their visits. And I can't grill during the week at all, or weekends when there's work for one of us, or the weather's bad, etc. etc. It's those weekends with good weather when both DH and I have the days free.

As to thermometers, learn something new everyday! I didn't know that thermometers are not used for kettles. So you DO have to learn to eyeball it? See, I have a lot of work ahead of me...

As to takeout, I'm trying to avoid that. Despite my culinary aspirations, due to work I eat enough prepared foods during the week during working hours. I just can't do it on those precious lazy weekends as well.

It's not that thermometers can't be used for kettles, or that I'm ahead of you, it's that most people who use a kettle grill (that is, a less expensive grill), are casually throwing on some meat, and most of them will eyeball it. I'm sure the food would turn out better if you used a thermometer, but in my experience, the people who would invest in equipment to make their grilling better are also investing in more sophisticated grills.

[Anonymous]

Okay, what we have here goes far beyond meat. There's a huge strain of passive aggressiveness going through your husband's family. Everybody gets pissed if things don't go their way, but no one wants to say anything. Your DH doesn't want to talk to his dad but would just rather disinvite them, your MIL pouts if the food is "beneath" her, etc.

Someone in your household -- you or DH -- needs to just get whatever needs saying out there and just serve what you want and cook it yourself.

But I will also agree you don't give a crappy griller apricots and cheese to grill.

[Anonymous]

13:32, OP here. I'm planning on working my way up to that. I don't think I deserve a $500-$1000 grill right now. I want to master my modest Weber charcoal first. Then I'll look into bigger grills, gas grills, the caja china, etc. Also, don't need to prepare so much food at one go either. Someday I am going to roast a whole pig, but that's probably going to be when I retire at this rate...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:27, if everyone seemed to chow down and enjoy the food, I would keep my trap shut. I recognize that I can be over-the-top when it comes to food prep, but I think a lot of people who love to cook from scratch and hunt around for obscure ingredients understand this compulsion. I would suppress it to maintain the peace. The problem is DH brought it up and said the chicken was bad, and he didn't like it.

I like PP's suggestion of monitoring the meat--I will have to be careful, though, because he shoos me away. I'm just realizing FIL gets kind of territorial over the grill in his own way. He doesn't even seem to like you throwing on the meat yourself. He wants you to put the food on a table, and he will put on the grill in his own way. He also doesn't seem to want anyone else in the backyard when grilling either. He overcooked the apricots-and-cheese to mush. :-( He said he never grilled apricots before, which made my nervous, and voila! it came back mushy.

Problem is, he doesn't learn from his grilling mistakes. I would love a grill partner in crime, and we can get better over the summer, but he thinks all of it is absolutely delicious. If DH criticizes him as he's threatening to do the next time, FIL will sulk and not grill AT ALL. FIL is an oblivious bad cook. This is a FACT. DH has told a lot of stories from his childhood dinner table that would make anyone who has any rudimentary cooking skills shake their heads.

Why in God's name are letting this man grill apricots and cheese? (For that matter, why is anyone grilling apricots and cheese?) When he comes over, ask him to grill burgers and hot digs. Save your pretentious foodie nonsense for other meals. You are probably not as great a chef as you think either.

[Anonymous]

13:41, OP here. Hey, the apricots with a ham/brie and homegrown dill filling were good! They were mushy, but MIL ate quite a few of them. I liked them too. Who the heck wants to eat a pile of raw apricots, but done like this, they disappeared.

I wanted to serve them, the recipe sounded good, it got fruit into the bellies of men (always a good thing and difficult to achieve in my home with DH), and FIL confiscated them to grill himself. The apricots-and-cheese weren't so bad, no one really complained about them, I just privately noticed that they were not cooked right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:41, OP here. Hey, the apricots with a ham/brie and homegrown dill filling were good! They were mushy, but MIL ate quite a few of them. I liked them too. Who the heck wants to eat a pile of raw apricots, but done like this, they disappeared.

I wanted to serve them, the recipe sounded good, it got fruit into the bellies of men (always a good thing and difficult to achieve in my home with DH), and FIL confiscated them to grill himself. The apricots-and-cheese weren't so bad, no one really complained about them, I just privately noticed that they were not cooked right.

I'm sure they were yummy! Perhaps you should share the recipe, although I'd also love to eat a pile of raw apricots, my favorite fruit.

[Anonymous]

13:59, it's a variation of this: http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/debi-mazar-and-gabriele-corcos/grilled-apricots-with-goat-cheese.html

I noticed I had a big stockpile of apricots in the fridge that NO ONE in the family was eating, except me. Certainly they seemed invisible to DH.

Unfortunately, I had no goat cheese. Or rosemary. So, i used some brie that luckily wasn't moldy yet, and added some sliced ham pieces into the filling mix. The dill was a substitute. But honestly, any soft, not-too-pungent cheese would work, I think. And other herbs, too, although I don't know about basil or certain savory ones.

It was pretty good! All my apricots disappeared that day and I cleared out some space in my fridge.

[Anonymous]

you don't need to let meat marinate for 36 hours. 36 minutes is plenty.