Tell me about how you changed professionally in preparation for children

[Anonymous]

I'd like to hear stories from working moms who, prior to kids, were quickly moving up in their career trajectory.

Once you started thinking about starting a family, did you:

1 - Modify your career track? Potentially to something more "boring" yet "stable"? Or just "slow down" a bit - in other words, not be out there interviewing for the next best thing or pushing for a promo, since you knew both would come with increased hours/travel?
OR
2 - Stay the course? Take on more stressful positions with greater responsibility to advance your career? Go into it with the mindset that you'd "cross that bridge when you got there", even though potentially facing no FMLA security, etc? Pursue potentially high risk/high reward opportunities?

Interested to hear what others' experiences have been.

[Anonymous]

I "stayed the course" before a kid and after I had one and tried to make partner at my firm. That didn't happen (and, truthfully, wasn't even sure that I really wanted to be a partner), but I knew that if I didn't give it a shot I would question my decision - it was something I needed to at least try for. Now that I know I am not making partner, I feel a sense of relief knowing where I stand (and it helps that my firm is not an "up and out" firm - knock on wood) and, in knowing where I stand, it has motivated me to try to have a little better work/life balance. Of course, now I look back at all of the work I put in, time away from family, etc I do feel a sense of regret (and sometimes anger ), but my DC is still young enough that I don't feel as if I missed out on everything. And fortunately I have husband who is a very involve, hands on, father who was also supportive of my choice.

[Anonymous]

I thought that I would stay the course afterwards and even put the Sheryl Sandberg quote about leaning into your career on my wall in my office while I was pregnant. However, since giving birth, I have started to place more value on opportunities to telecommute one day a week, leave early as needed more than upward mobility. I am also planning within the next 1-2 years to move to a position where I can work from home while staying in my field. I love working and having a career but BALANCE is what motivates me now more than ever. I still plan to move up in my career but perhaps more slowly and may delay climbs until the children are school age and really savor these young years. I also have not been nearly as engaged in industry events, speaking, and writing like I was before I gave birth to my DD. I am not sure if that will change over time but keeping up with her and my demanding job leaves no room for extra right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to hear stories from working moms who, prior to kids, were quickly moving up in their career trajectory.

Once you started thinking about starting a family, did you:

1 - Modify your career track? Potentially to something more "boring" yet "stable"? Or just "slow down" a bit - in other words, not be out there interviewing for the next best thing or pushing for a promo, since you knew both would come with increased hours/travel?
OR
2 - Stay the course? Take on more stressful positions with greater responsibility to advance your career? Go into it with the mindset that you'd "cross that bridge when you got there", even though potentially facing no FMLA security, etc? Pursue potentially high risk/high reward opportunities?

Interested to hear what others' experiences have been.

I did #1 -- took a drastic pay cut to move to a stable position that is less interesting, but actually more enjoyable in the end. I work half the hours (and make 1/3 of the pay!), and the work is not as interesting, but I have much more control, which I like. And I love my colleagues and the work environment. In short, I got my life back. I did this both for myself and in preparation for having kids -- have been at the new job 2.5 years and am pregnant with kid #1. I pushed hard for a promotion about a year after I got there, knowing that it might be the last chance before I had a kid. Got the promotion, and I am now at the top of where I can go unless I move into management, which I have no desire to do. But I'm ok with that. Had I stayed at my previous job (Biglaw), I would have burned out or had to drop out of the ratrace after having kids. I knew from the moment I got there that I couldn't do both successfully. With this job, I should be able to give 100% or close to it even with kids. It only requires a normal 8.5 hour work day, not the 12-15 I put in at the firm. I love my work and am committed to working hard and having a fantastic career. But I freely admit that in order to do so, I can't pursue the most prestigious thing out there. And that's ok. I don't really view it as a step down, because I hated my more prestigious job anyway.

[Anonymous]

I "leaned in". I work more now than I ever did before. But, I have a much more high powered and interesting job, which actually enables me to have much more say over my DC's care environment (think top 10% of my company and having power over the child care offered there).

I also absolutely could never, ever be able to do this without a completely supportive husband who prioritizes my career over his.

[Anonymous]

#2 for now - I've worked harder and advanced faster since having kids.

My plan is to switch to #1 as my oldest hits elementary school. But I'll be making part-time what I was making full-time just a couple years ago. And I'm in a higher level position, so when I am ready to jump back in full-time once the kids are older, I won't be entry level. (I'm not saying that part-time may not impact my career at all, but in my organization, it seems that women are able to transition back to high level full-time positions if they were at a certain level with XYZ responsibilities when part-time.)

[Anonymous]

My prior work was not compatible with children (80 hours a week, very frequent unplanned and easily extended travel). I cut back my firm hours to 80% of that (still about 50 hours a week). But then I hated the job; it was only fun if I was all in. So I switched to a super stable, flexible government job. I miss the thrill sometime, but the flexibility is amazing.

[Anonymous]

I moved to a position within the same agency with less travel and more regular hours. My work is less exciting, but the travel schedule I had before was brutal and really not compatible with having a kid.

[Anonymous]

i travel much less. means that i can't really do some projects i would otherwise do. work is very accommodating about this for me, as i've been there a long time. but i wouldn't be honest if i didn't admit i am not in the fast track any more...

i don't really mind though. i'm a single mom and i need the flexibility and am thankful i have a flexible job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I "leaned in". I work more now than I ever did before. But, I have a much more high powered and interesting job, which actually enables me to have much more say over my DC's care environment (think top 10% of my company and having power over the child care offered there).

I also absolutely could never, ever be able to do this without a completely supportive husband who prioritizes my career over his.

Me too! Switched jobs and am now making about 40% more in a much more dynamic environment. We also have a great nanny to support this but my hours are very standard.

[Anonymous]

I pushed. Now that I have a daughter, I feel like I want to push even more so that I can provide her with an example of a dynamic career woman who is also a caring mother. Maternity leave taught me two very important things: (1) I didn't want to stay at home, and (2) I needed to have a challenging, rewarding job to make it worth being away from my daughter so much.

Now that I am back at work, I am still pushing - looking for the next best thing, seeking promotion and more money/power, but I am also much more demanding of work-life balance where it's appropriate. I can give up telework, for example, but I need to be able to leave on time (and log in from home if need be) and travel needs to be planned in advance. I am much better about setting boundaries, managing my time, and prioritizing.

One of the most interesting things I ever read about finding balance as a working mom was from the CEO of Martha Stewart Living. She said that she leaves work at 5:30 every day without exception - and that she thinks less highly of her young, over-achieving employees who are at the office until 9:00 every night than of her employees who set boundaries. She said that if both employees are getting their work done well, why the heck does one need to be at work so long every day? What are they doing with their time?

[Anonymous]

I changed jobs - from one that was a lot more fun, closer to home, and less serious to one much farther from home that meant working for a corporation and having benefits. But that wasn't because I intended to have a baby. It was because DH was leaving his job with benefits and one of us needed to bring home the health insurance.

[Anonymous]

I did #1 back when I thought I didn't want kids: my fancy job was interesting and I was good at it, but it was hurting my health and my relationships. I took a large pay cut to move to government, where I still am very good at my job -- but only for 40 hours a week, some of those telework.

Once in government, though, I did "lean in" even while planning a family. While pregnant I applied for a more ambitious and higher paying government position that was less stable and I knew could present some maternity leave issues. It was just luck that the position came open while I was pregnant: I was not doing it because of the pregnancy or as a last chance at promotion. I also was not all-in as far as career ambitions: I made clear I would turn down any offer that did not allow for regular telework days.

I have not contemplated anything close to the hours (or pay) of my old job, and don't expect that I ever will. But, when my kid is school-aged I could see myself taking a less stable or secure job that offered even more flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pushed. Now that I have a daughter, I feel like I want to push even more so that I can provide her with an example of a dynamic career woman who is also a caring mother. Maternity leave taught me two very important things: (1) I didn't want to stay at home, and (2) I needed to have a challenging, rewarding job to make it worth being away from my daughter so much.

Now that I am back at work, I am still pushing - looking for the next best thing, seeking promotion and more money/power, but I am also much more demanding of work-life balance where it's appropriate. I can give up telework, for example, but I need to be able to leave on time (and log in from home if need be) and travel needs to be planned in advance. I am much better about setting boundaries, managing my time, and prioritizing.

One of the most interesting things I ever read about finding balance as a working mom was from the CEO of Martha Stewart Living. She said that she leaves work at 5:30 every day without exception - and that she thinks less highly of her young, over-achieving employees who are at the office until 9:00 every night than of her employees who set boundaries. She said that if both employees are getting their work done well, why the heck does one need to be at work so long every day? What are they doing with their time?

As a mother of a girl I relate! Where are all you cool women IRL where I only seem to meet people who back off once they have kids?

[Anonymous]

#2 - started fertility treatments at the same time I took on a very visible special project in the office - meeting with the C suite regularly. I could have stayed in a more stable position waiting in line for a promotion years away, but 2 years of thinking a baby is almost coming has taught me to just lean in and lean hard.

That said - a direct report comes in at 9:15 and leaves at 5 sharp - her kids are 3&1. She sometimes emails or meets after kids are asleep of needed - but mostly I cut her some slack and hope in a few years people will do the same for me.