Tell me about how you changed professionally in preparation for children

[Anonymous]

I took a family friendly job when we were thinking about starting a family. The job was easy, slow-paced, required little travel etc. I was miserable. We actually postponed TTC so I could look for a new job because I knew I couldn't keep my sanity in that position. I am now a mom and I work at a different job that requires about 50 hours per week and causes the occasional stress...it's perfect for me. Maybe I would have appreciated the simplicity of my former job if I had a child, but I know myself and I need to be challenged.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree with Sheryl Sandberg, to a point - lean in before baby, because getting as far as you can in the job will position you to switch tracks later on if that's what you want. Leaning out before the baby even arrives (or before you are even pregnant??) is shooting yourself in the foot. The higher you go beforehand, the more money you can save up to take an extended maternity leave (or quit to SAH if that's what you decide you want when the baby arrives.) The better the job, the more likely it provides generous maternity live (eg Biglaw). The better respected you are, the more likely it is you will have credibility and trust people will have in you to let you telework or work part-time. The more connections and experience you have, the easier it will be to find a new job with different demands if you decide that's what you need to do after the baby arrives.

In my case, I sort of lucked out and both leaned in and leaned out at the same time. I moved to a new, much more demanding and dynamic job when I was in my second trimester. But it's a very supportive atmosphere for new moms (nonprofit) so I'm able to have a lot of flexibility.

[Anonymous]

When DC #1 was little, I was stuck in Europe at a work conference when he got very sick and spent time in the ER.

Quit that job shortly thereafter and vowed not to have international or extended travel anymore.

[Anonymous]

I changed nothing in preparation for having kids. Once the kid arrived, things did change, but you never know how long that's going to take or what it's going to feel like for you. No need to back off until you are sure it's the right thing for your family.

[Anonymous]

I did number 2 and had mixed feelings about it, but in retrospect have no regrets. By staying in the job I was at and working hard, I was able to get promoted after baby number 2 and now make more money and have more flexible hours.

I think the bottom line for me is that I decided to stick at my job and see what happened, but at all times knew (and still know) that when the job stops working, so will I. I basically have let me employer know through my actions that they can take me or leave me, but that I am going to work from home a fair amount and would not be the high biller I used to be before kids. So far, my firm has stuck with me and even promoted me, so I now have a few more years to see whether this career will work out for me and my family. But I got here by taking it day by day and not jumping to conclusions or quitting because I was afraid I would fail or get fired.

[Anonymous]

I switched from a fed job to industry, which offered better pay, more laid-back culture, paid maternity leave, and more flexible hours. This combination makes juggling motherhood and career far less stressful even though I work many more hours than I ever did as a fed.

[Anonymous]

Left a law firm for a government job. Saved as much leave as possible. Found doctors' office close to my office, used lunch hours for appointments. Volunteered for projects, travel, and leadership positions. Received several promotions. Negotiated a better working hours' schedule.

Everything fell into place when DD came along.

[Anonymous]

I changed from a job with lots of international travel and adventure but low pay to a tenure track academic position with higher salary and greater flexibility. I am not really very interested in teaching or the publishing you have to do to get extenuated, but I love the flexibility and autonomy, and managed to force myself to do the necessary publishing. In some ways I wish I could stop teaching, but I think of it as a very well-compensated and secure part time job, which makes me feel better about it. Great platform from which to do other things -- write, consult, etc.

[Anonymous]

I changed from a job with lots of international travel and adventure but low pay to a tenure track academic position with higher salary and greater flexibility. I am not really very interested in teaching or the publishing i had to do to get tenure, but I love the flexibility and autonomy, and managed to force myself to do the necessary publishing. In some ways I wish I could stop teaching, but I think of it as a very well-compensated and secure part time job, which makes me feel better about it. Great platform from which to do other things -- write, consult, etc.

[Anonymous]

Had a steady, dull position at my company for years before having kids. Was generally well-regarded, but there was no obvious fast trajectory for me--and I wasn't really looking for one.

Had first kid, went part-time, got promoted; more responsibility, but general contours of job were pretty much the same. Had second kid, stayed part time, about a year later got huge new responsibilities and got promoted again to a senior position with my firm.

I guess what I'm saying is, I didn't have a specific plan and was not focused on quick advancement before having kids. I was in a secure position and didn't really want to spend my 20s grinding toward a pre-kid professional goal. I just made sure to do a good job and be available for whatever came next. My best opportunities have come after kids and after going part-time. I love what I'm doing and wouldn't have had this opportunity if I had pushed for quick advancement before kids.

[Anonymous]

For those who did track 2, how did you manage more intense hours and responsibilities while heavily pg and tired and worried you can go into labor any day and knowing you will be absent for 3 months, and later with the newborn, sleep deprivation and BFing and worrying about the baby and wanting to be there when they are sick, etc?

Some of the stories just sound too good to be true to me. It's almost like some of these women are super-human, immune to sleep deprivation, formula feed, have newborns that STTN right away and don't get sick, and are ok seeing their baby 2 hours a day max. I am no stranger working 80 hour weeks and sleep deprivation, but after the baby arrived, my whole world turned upside down. I could barely make it through the day, could not have crazy amounts of caffeine, because of BFing, pumping consumed a lot of time, I was just deadly tired for the first 1.5 years of my kid's life, as he was a terrible sleeper and I didn't have anyone to outsource to, other than a full time nanny, who was there to cover only the hours I was at work. I just cannot imagine someone adding to the workload during the newborn/infant and even toddler stages, while also having household duties, like cooking, organizing, even with a weekly housekeeper. Did your husbands stay home or had extremely flexible jobs and did most of the childcare and household tasks? I am thinking of jumping back in full force when kids are older, I really don't see how I can do this with little kids not having 2 nannies or family nearby.

[Anonymous]

Kids pretty much killed my career, I am stuck and don't see a way out, it changed me. Having a kid made me feel very vulnerable and very risk averse, afraid to volunteer for things and put myself on the front lines, which is pretty much going to lead to a dead end job and loss of confidence. I was opposite of this before, had an exciting job with lots of travel and constant changes, which of course, I had to let go, because travel and constant relocations and kids don't mix well together. Now, I am desperately holding on to a dead end job just to have a paycheck and benefits, DH doesn't earn much to support us. I have lost my confidence and not sure I will ever get back. Besides, I am not really fond of being a SAHM either. All I have to say, being a working mother lead me no where but feeling like crap about myself every day, not succeeding in anything fully. I am telling the ugly truth, I don't think I am alone, don't put rosy glasses on and think you will be this high flying super-mom and the doors will open. It happens to some, sure, and it is inspiring, but no guarantee it will happen to you even if you try hard because you don't know how motherhood will change you and how you will feel about it. If you really find having a high flying career to be ultra-important, don't have kids, or be ok sending them off to grandparents, boarding schools and 24/7 nannies.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to leave my current company, but it didnt happen before i got pregnant. I actively sought a promotion while pregnant and received it 3 days before giving birth, so I returned from maternity leave to new responsibilities and expectations. However, I remained on the same project team, which is full of working moms who are flexible and understanding of situations like using unplanned pto to take care of a sick baby. I stuck with that team for the first year back to adjust to my new reality of life with DD. now that I've acclimated and feel confident about balancing everything, I'm ready to look for a new position outside the current company.