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Conflicted about going back to work -- any thoughts?
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Anonymous
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Hi all,
I am feeling conflicted about going back to work after my maternity leave. Originally, I hoped to go back to work 3x per week because I really enjoy my job and I am not sure I want to stay home full time. However, just recently my boss told me that they either want me to work full time, and they are willing to change my role slightly so I won't need to travel, or not at all. Evidently with the budget cuts part time is not an option for some reason. I really felt depressed when I heard that news, because I really have doubts about my ability to work full time and whether I want to work full time. My husband works a very demanding job and we don't need my salary (in fact, we'd probably just be a little ahead if I worked), and I am anticipating that I will need to take on the majority of the childcare. I also work about 50 minutes from my home, so my work day from door to door is about 10 hours due to the commute. Any thoughts? Logistically, it makes the most sense for me to be a SAHM, but I am just really worried that I will miss working. I also want us to be available for our child, and I am worried that we may be away too much. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| After my first dc, I went back to work 3x per week and I loved that schedule. It was perfect work and mommy time for me. After almost two years of working that schedule, my manager told me that I needed to start working f/t again and I say thanks, but no thanks. I knew that I wanted to get pregnant again soon and there was no way I was going to work f/t after my second dc was born. So, I turned in my resignation. That was about 1.5 years ago. There are days that I miss work, but I love being home with my children (ages 4 and 6 months now). The adjustment was not as difficult as I thought it would be. Good luck to you. I know it's a tough decision. |
Anonymous
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I think it's unethical for your employer to offer a part-time option and then to retract the offer (or at least to change the terms drastically).
Since money is not an object, can you resign and find a more flexible work situation? Or do consulting for a while? I'm a SAHM who works about ten hours a week from home. I LOVE it, so I'm biased. Your employer changing the terms of your workweek raised a red flag for me - I have a friend at my old company who has a nine-month-old, and our boss did a similar thing to her after her baby was born. And it was a sign of more bad things to come - he now has her working 50-hour weeks again. She is miserable, but can't quit for financial reasons. |
Anonymous
| Go back to work. You can always quit in 2-3 months if you feel it's not working out. Plus, you can look for another part-time job. It's easier to find a job when you still have one. |
Anonymous
| The answer is not whether or not you should work, it is how you are going to start to listen to your own voice. It is hard when they are so little, it can be unimaginable to leave them, but it DOES get easier. I WANTED to leave my little one and kept trying, but all of my actions were pointing to my real desire to stay home. I go a little nutty when I am a SAHM, so I find other things to do, but you need to really decide NOW what you want. It will be hard. You may have regrets or doubts, but you can only do the best you can with the info you have now. It will change, and another job will be out there, despite what CNN says. Or go to work! You may love it. Or quit. Just do the best you can, it is all we can do! |
Anonymous
Why should she miss out on the critical first months of her baby's life if money is no object, and her employer is already jerking her around? If she's talented, she'll find another job on her terms. I can attest that I know lots and lots of moms who have great consulting or part-time positions. I was just marveling at it today. Times have changed, and so many moms around my neighborhood are working part-time and consulting. |
Anonymous
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I'm in a very similar situation, except I was laid off already a few weeks ago. I now have to decide whether to get another job (most of the jobs in my field are F/T and would be hard to find a P/T position) or just stay home for a while. We can get by without my salary right now, but we rent an apartment and if we ever want to buy a house I'd definitely have to work full time. I'm leaning toward staying home for maybe a year and then going back. (Although by that point we'll probably be thinking about a second child and then it would make no sense for me to work because my entire salary would go to daycare...). It's a hard decision and as the other posters have pointed out you can always quit if you decide to go back or find another job later if you decide to quit now.
Good luck! |
Anonymous
There are many women who - despite financial stability - WANT to work. It doesn't mean that they're "missing out on the critical first months" of a baby's life. You're laying a guilt trip on her and on all mothers in this category. Furthermore, you can be the most talented woman in the world, but that doesn't mean you'll find a PT position or a consulting job if you're in certain fields. Try "consulting" as a teacher. |
Anonymous
| That's a really tough decision; I didn't realize how tough until I recently returned to work after 3 months of maternity leave. I think every mom and every baby is different. I was worried about going back to work, but I also was having a really hard time being at home with an infant all day, every day. Now I am back at work 4 days a week, and it's working well for us. I am a happier mommy, and I treasure my time with my DD so much more than I did when I was with her all the time and couldn't wait to get out of the house! But I know my sister, who's a SAHM, is really happy with her situation, too. Everyone is different. You're lucky that you have the financial flexibility to make whatever decision you feel is best for you. Since it seems you really don't want to go back to work full-time, maybe you could take some time to find a part-time job that really works for you, without any pressure to just take the first thing that comes along. Good luck to you! |
Anonymous
If you don't want to work full-time and you can't work part-time in your current job, try being a SAHM and if you don't like it, find another job. You can take your time to find something that's a good fit since you don't need the money. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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I adore my DS but I also love having time during the day where I chart my own course and think challenging thoughts--something that I found very difficult to achieve when on maternity leave (4.5 mos). I do love the subject matter of my job, although the current situation leaves something to be desired. (not returning to work was not an option.)
And I also find that being back at work give my relationship with DH the balance it needs. We co-sleep, so it doesn't feel like we don't have enough time together. I'm gone about the same amount of time as you contemplate. I come home, feed him, play with him, and depending on how tired he is, I either help him to sleep, or he hangs out with us while we eat dinner. but during this time, my husband cooks. I don't know if you would have that flexibility? And we spend all weekend together. Because you have the luxury of choice, I would consider going back the way your boss wants it, and if it doesn't work, quit to be SAHM or try and find something on a reduced schedule if that is what you want. Or try renegotiating with your boss. You can at least say you tried, and if you are unhappy, you have an easy out. and you don't mention your childcare options... you must have some flexibility? |
Anonymous
| It can be a very tough choice but if you go back to work, try it for a few months. If it doesn't work out, quit. I would love to be able to afford to be a SAHM but that is just me. |
Anonymous
| I just returned to work after my three months of maternity leave. It was a very hard decision. I loved having time at home with my baby and with my two older children. We had developed a very sweet life together during those months. But, here is why I went back. While I would like to stay home now and I could make it work financially, in about two years, my current job would be absolutely perfect for my family. I work in a profession where jobs with my hours and expectations are very hard to come by. In two years, I am not sure I could find something so flexible and I absolutely know that I would not want to work ever again until my kids are grown if I had a job that required more than mine does, which is something that would not work for my family if I ever intend to send my kids to college. So, I guess, I made my decision by considering the big picture. And, it was hard to leave my baby and hard to get back into the routine of work. But, after about a week, I felt like I was in my own life again. |
Anonymous
OP said: "I really felt depressed when I heard that news, because I really have doubts about my ability to work full time and whether I want to work full time." She is asking for advice. And by the way, guess what, my neighbor is a part-time teacher at one of the top-three schools. Sorry you feel so negative tonight. |
Anonymous
The OP also said, ". . . I really enjoy my job and I am not sure I want to stay home full time." The doubts came about after he put limits on her - NOT b/c she hated the idea of work. I am not negative. I am trying to support the fact that women who are mothers CAN work and should not feel guilt about losing time with their children. (And no, I am no fan of Sarah Palin.) Furthermore, I am a teacher and HAVE worked PT. So you're not telling me anything I don't already know and haven't already experienced. I am saying that SOME jobs - teaching included - are not as flexible as you think. Try doing flex time as a teacher; it isn't a good fit. So before you start calling anyone negative, try looking at yourself first. |