Conflicted about going back to work -- any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think once your baby is here your options and feeling will crystallize.

A good friend of mine was driving to talk to her boss at Georgetown University years ago, planning on returning to her job, when she realized as she crossed the Key Bridge that she didn't want to go back to work after all. She wanted to stay at home. I think the best-laid plans can go awry when your little one is on the scene!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simmer down ladies. This actually is NOT about you, and the OP has posted (appreciatively, I might add) so move on.

I hate thread-nannies.

[Anonymous]

I just want to wish you well, OP! It is hard and an ongoing struggle for many women.

Follow your heart.

[Anonymous]

Our situations are somewhat similar. I had approached my boss about a part-time status before I went on maternity leave, and didn't have resolution until a week before I was due back to work. We were also in a financial position where I was able to choose to either work or stay at home, yadayadayada.

I got the go ahead to work part-time and it's worked out great. Some weeks I may work more, depending on the work, and some weeks I have more time. I receive full benies. I love going to work, but I love picking up my son from school. I feel I have the best of both worlds.

Could you look for a job while SAH? Or is your job difficult to find-mine is.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. If we were all really honest most of us would admit to being quite conflicted about the choices we have made particularly WRT this issue. I stayed at home for almost three years with my first and I remember feeling conflicted whenever I spoke to friends of mine who had not made the same decision and were moving rapidly up the career ladder - making VP, director, partner, etc. I decided to go back after when my son was nearly three and felt really good about it for about a year before I started regretting the time I was missing with him. I have not caught up with my friends although I still make an extremely good salary. I have not lost that sense of regret that I did not push for career development during those critical years but at the same time that is mattering less and less compared with the thought of missing out on my son's childhood.

Because my husband was making enough for me to stay home, I started debating the idea of quitting again and/or finding a part time arrangement. Then, unfortunately the economy did a number on our family and my husband lost his job. He is now working on his own and surprisingly making quite good money but the uncertainty of being very newly self-employed - not knowing if his good fortune will continue or not - means I have to keep working for now at least. I have been blessed with a very flexible job with a very understanding boss for which I am grateful. I leave quite early, manage to make all the functions (even during the day) at my son's school, and have some opportunity to volunteer as well. I would prefer to have more freedom with my time but this is the best I can hope for now.

It's never an easy choice but if I were you, I would try to work on my boss to keep the part time schedule. If he/she does not agree, I would go back knowing in my heart that if I cannot get over not spending more time with my child, I would simply quit. If you are conflicted and you never go back you may keep looking back and wondering if you have done the right thing. I went through that and for that alone, I am pleased I went back because now I KNOW what I would rather do given the choice. If you go back you will know exactly how you feel about it and can make a decision based on that rather than just guesswork.

Wish you the best with your new baby

[Anonymous]

I do have to echo one of the PP---part time isn't all it's cracked up to be and her line of not being in either world fully really rang true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks so much for all of your thoughts. I don't have to decide this month as my baby is due in a few months, and it was really helpful to hear all of your feedback. I am probably going to think about this some more. It is definitely a good point that I can always find a new job that is a bit more family friendly. Sometimes when you are so immersed in your work it is hard to think about that, and I'm sure that once the baby is born I will be so immersed in taking care of the baby that it will be difficult to think about work!

I agree. Plus I might think about how much you can trust an employer who has already offered you one option and then retracted the offer. It doesn't seem like a very "family friendly" thing to do.

I work part-time from home, and I think it's ideal. I feel like I have the best of both worlds. However, being a mom is absolutely my first priority - it's just following my heart. I know I can always pick up more work or get another job, but I'll never have these years back again with my baby.

[Anonymous]

You haven't had the baby yet OP? I think I read that correctly. If the case, then don't worry about making any decisions now or worrying about it now. EVERYTHING will change after the baby is born and you may find you feel/think differently about a lot of things (work, time alone, time out, relationships, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Its a hard decision. With the economy it will be harder to find part time positions that convey benefits, Many companies will be looking to get more work out of existing employees as money gets tight. You may want to consider how many options really are out there and whether you and DH have enoughed to saved to get you through a few months. While normally I agree a good professional can always find another job this is a unique situation. Companies that have not even begun to experience financial impact are doing hiring freezes. If you have benefits through your position and do not need them perhaps you could offer to work even fewer hours so the company would not incur benefits? Maybe you could ask for a phased in return, doing part time for 3 months and then going full time?

When I was expecting I found the "just wait until your baby is born comments" pretty offensive and still do. Its fine to love staying home and be proud but its quite rude to push this expectation that of course a mom would always want to stay home view. Part time is really ideal and the closest to having the best of both worlds without being completely exhausted.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would find a different job. Easier said than done right now I know. Nonetheless if you don't really NEED the job you've got right now, I would find new part time work... eventually. Maybe you can stay home and enjoy your baby for a while first? If you have these kinds of choices, good for you!

Many employers PREFER part-time employees in times like these, since they don't have to provide benefits. I'm surprised your employer wouldn't do more to accommodate you. Find someone who appreciates you more!