Praying in someone else's home
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Anonymous
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My MIL and her husband are practicing Catholics -- church every Sunday, some random God talk, etc. My husband and I were both raised Catholic but neither of us practice -- me because I disagree with the Church on some fundamental teachings, my husband because he is lazy and not really sure what he believes.
When we visit my MIL's house, we politely bow our heads and pray at meals because, well, it's her house, her rules. Doesn't matter that we don't believe/practice. I do, however, get exceedingly tweaked when she comes to OUR house and starts a group prayer before meals. She knows we aren't religious, she does it on purpose to make a point (she's also peeved we haven't baptized our kid). What do you all think? I would have no problem with her saying her own prayer, aloud or silently, but I do get really irritated at being roped into this in my own house. Rude? |
Anonymous
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It bothers me too, but I go along with it because I don't want to say something right before dinner. I could bring it up later but it just seems as though it would hurt them more. There was another thread about this a while back, with the father or FIL saying prayers in front of a whole group of that OP's friends (some of whom were not Christian).
My worst issues with this were when they would ask my DC's to say grace (which my DCs do not know how or want to do), and I felt like I had to coach them through it. Ugh. Yes, I'm a doormat but it's just not worth the fight to me. |
Anonymous
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I expect this to be a problem in my home one day when my parents, who are strict catholics and becoming more so by the year, are invited to Thanksgiving dinner. I can see them saying to my kids as they pick up their forks, "excuse me, but WE say grace before every dinner." Afterward, I'll be berated well into the evening for raising barbarians. Never mind that DH and I are from different backgrounds and do not say grace before every meal.
Not sure how I'm going to deal with the situation other than telling my mother that she is free to teach them to say grace in her home but in mine, it's not enforced as I don't force it on DH and the kids are not practicing catholics. |
Anonymous
| I guess I don't see why it's a problem to say grace before a meal. It's not an exclusively Catholic thing. Many religions or even some non-religious folks give thanks to some higher power for the gift of the food. Even if you are just thanking the Earth for its bounty. So I do not see grace before a meal as overtly prosthelytizing. |
Anonymous
| I would not participate in my own house. I would also find it extremely rude, and I would challenge the behavior. |
Anonymous
But that's not the question. If I *don't want* to do something in my own home, should I have to? The answer, of course, is no. But rude people abound. |
Anonymous
I'd tell them they are free to do what they want in their own home but we do not have a formal grace saying in this house. If, however, you feel compelled to bless yourself before a meal, murmur something, read a Bible quote to yourself or get up and dance in front of your plate and shake a rattle over your food, be my guest. |
Anonymous
| Yes, let people praise whatever before eating. Humans are ritualistic and just go into your own head while this happening--I realize that family dynamics being what they are--some family members will use the prayer time to send some unspoken message to those seated--THAT"S A WHOLE DIFFERENT BALL O' WAX--but try to grit through it--the food--hopefully it tastes good--is your reward for the BS. People have made their fellow man pay some price for eating in a group whether it is physical or emotional for millennia. |
Anonymous
| You should preempt her by saying your own "grace." Here's the one my late, great, grandpa used to say before every meal, "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Let's eat!" |
Anonymous
This is the compromise we do. The religious family members usually have an additional quiet moment of thought before we begin eating |
Anonymous
I agree. I assume your inlaws are not eating every meal at your house. At the most, maybe once a week? OP, this is likely an important family tradition for your in laws. It is what, 1 minute? There are far more demanding and annoying family traditions that in laws provide. Just be polite and let her do this the handful of times she eats at your house. What harm is that? Plus, on the scale of graces, the Catholic grace is one of the most innocuous, right behind "God is great, God is good, thank you God, for this food". I would assume they are doing the standard 30 second "Bless us o Lord and these thy gifts that we are about to receive, by thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen." That 30 seconds is really not worth a fight with your mil. |
Anonymous
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I get tired of listening to Jesus get credit for the meal I just prepared. But since I don't believe, I just sit through the few seconds of talking to air.
If they insist on wearing shoes, however, I will explode. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| I grew up atheist, and we never said grace before meal, but I can see where someone who has said it every time before they eat would want to say it no matter where they are eating, especially when they are older and set in their ways. My MIL and FIL are catholic and say this at their house before meals, and I politely bow my head (and grit my teeth), but luckily they don't do this at our house. I can see where it would be irksome, but I say live and let live, it is a small thing really, it just takes 20 seconds and it's not hurting anybody. |
Anonymous
I do not think they are being rude. I just think it is b/c, as some other poster above me wrote, "Humans are ritualistic." I think the suggestion of doing something simple like "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub," would be a good compromise, and the religious folks can have another little moment of silence within their own heads if they want to say their own prayer to themselves. Or, just add an "AaaaaMEN!" at the end! 
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