ADD/ ADHD girls

[Anonymous]

Seems like all the posts on the topic concern boys.

I don't know what to think about my six year old daughter's behavior. She's impulsive and physically (over?)active. She interrupts, she doesn't (can't?) sit through a meal or a short homework assignment without thinking of something else she wants to do every single minute. Not exaggerating. She's popping out of her seat every sixty seconds or more. She gets corrected in class for talking when she should be listening, wandering off when she should be working. She's very emotional-- cries easily, overflows with empathy for others, gets so excited about little things (new toothpaste! a dandelion puff! going out for pizza!) that she can't breathe.

She's also happy and loving and funny, friends with everyone, and hitting academic milestones ahead of schedule. She is a pleaser, so when someone corrects her (or, ok, loses patience and snaps at her), she is upset. For about one minute. Then it's back to the hummingbird behavior-- happy and flighty.

Until recently, I thought "Kids will be kids!" But now I'm looking at other children and beginning to be afraid.

Can you tell me about your daughter who has been diagnosed? What did it look like? What steps are you taking?

[Anonymous]

OP, your daughter sounds like mine before she was diagnosed with ADHD. I could not tell from your post if your DS had actually been assessed. If you have not had that done, please make an appointment with your pediatrician to move forward. Having the diagnosis allows you to ask for accomodations, where needed, at school. Also, she may benefit from medication. Medication helped my daughter tremendously.

[Anonymous]

No, she hasn't been evaluated. And I don't know if I want to have that done. I don't want to go to meds. She is keeping up and learning. Everything gets done, though it takes endless reminding (nagging) and redirecting. I think of medication as the last resort. And I ESPECIALLY do not want to label her in her own mind. No accommodations at school, no excuses. I would lose my shit if I ever heard her say "I can't do this because my brain works differently" (or whatever people tell kids to explain why they're taking pills every day). I'm not saying we would never go there, but it is a LONG way off, and would require serious deterioration of the current situation.

What have folks done that isn't medication or a medical label? Coping strategies, for child and parent? Messages that get through?

[Anonymous]

You need to read this book:

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/400017.Understanding_Girls_with_Ad_HD

We opted for therapy first and then added medication after a (year!) long period of just therapy. DD is now a rising middle-schooler and if I had to do it all over again I would have started therapy sooner.

[Anonymous]

Have her evaluated. It sounds like classic ADHD and an evaluation could be helpful.

[Anonymous]

My DD has ADHD. She can control herself in class and exhibits ADD in school. At home, she has the full "H" in there and has all the same behaviors that you mentioned. We started medication when she was 7 because it was affecting her ability to complete schoolwork. Academically, she was still in range and ahead in math but she would never finish her reading and writing work. Her reading level jumped 4 bands in two weeks.

I would prefer not to medicate her but it makes a big difference in her ability to get through less exciting work.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DD sounds a lot like yours, also before the official evaluation. She isn't on meds. We turned towards sports to keep her hyperactivity in check. She's growing up to be quite a tomboy. Ballet doesn't interest her at all. I can deal with that as long as she does well in her academics. We piled up soccer and swimming on her, she's in the girl's league.

[Anonymous]

You get your child evaluated so you know what you are dealing with and can better understand her behavior. Then you decide on treatment options (if any at all) based on how it is impacting her life. Why would you not get her evaluated because you don't want top out her on meds? There are other treatment options plus she may need accommodations in school as she gets older. They don't force you to out your kid on meds if diagnosed.

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem to be concerned about what others think or how your DD will be labeled if she is evaluated and diagnosed. Most people, frankly, don't care. When I tell people my DD has ADHD or is on meds, they reply "Oh really?" and never ask any follow up questions. DD is a popular girl, has plenty of friends, involved in competitive sports, works hard in school and is adjusting well. She has areas where she needs support and the teachers provide accomodations as they go along. You are doing your DD a disservice by not having her evaluated. As a PP said, you have many treatement options that inlucde therapy, meds, classroom interventions, social skills goups. The counselor at DDs school has a "Friendship Club". It is really a social skills group. The kids love it and think its cool. They share their thoughts and the counselor just lets them talk but gives them ground rules. It is a mixed bag of students with LDs, ADHD, traditional learners. So, I think you should be proactive in helping your DD and figuring it out.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP. Sounds like all would be well served by some visits to specialists. I have a son with ADHD and I myself grew up with the condition. I am a female, so I was like your daughter. This is the less typical scenario—being female with ADHD—but IT EXISTS. I have it and it wasn't the day-dreamy ADD typically associated with girls, it was the stand on your head, swing from the rafters, got kicked out of Brownies version. I send my son to The Newton School in Sterling since I consider it the perfect place for him. When I look back on the negative parts of the diagnosis (for me) it had a huge impact of my self-esteem. While I focus on all of the ways I can help my son, I want to keep him from hating himself, hard as that is to say. I feel that having him at The Newton School absolutely has this covered. They understand and genuinely love him AND they know how to help him get what he needs. He also could potentially benefit from meds, but my goal is age 13. Haven't based that on anything real, just a goal I have in my head. It could easily be a shifting plan, depending what the future brings. I've been told a child's brain continues to grow and develop into their twenties, so for me.. that is my comfort zone. It REALLY depends on the child. I'd also recommend Stixrud as a place to take your daughter for an eval. Don't wait another minute. Appointments can be months away.

We've also been doing Tae Kwon Do since age 5.5 to develop and maintain the ability to regulate his body and support mental confidence and self-discipline. I plan to keep him in TKD through to black belt at a minimum.

Also consider that she may have some co-morbid sensory dysfunctions, that are producing her need to move. My son what is known as a "sensory-seeker."

Lastly, even if one chooses meds (no judgement here, I take them myself) the additional therapies are imperative. I do feel that meds are not likely to be a one-shot solution for a very long time to come, if ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to be concerned about what others think or how your DD will be labeled if she is evaluated and diagnosed. Most people, frankly, don't care. When I tell people my DD has ADHD or is on meds, they reply "Oh really?" and never ask any follow up questions. DD is a popular girl, has plenty of friends, involved in competitive sports, works hard in school and is adjusting well. She has areas where she needs support and the teachers provide accomodations as they go along. You are doing your DD a disservice by not having her evaluated. As a PP said, you have many treatement options that inlucde therapy, meds, classroom interventions, social skills goups. The counselor at DDs school has a "Friendship Club". It is really a social skills group. The kids love it and think its cool. They share their thoughts and the counselor just lets them talk but gives them ground rules. It is a mixed bag of students with LDs, ADHD, traditional learners. So, I think you should be proactive in helping your DD and figuring it out.

Where on earth did you get that??

What I am trying to avoid is giving her an excuse to slack off or not put forth real effort. I have heard my nephew try to explain away bad behavior by saying "Well, I haven't had my ritalin today". I won't have that. I want her to learn to cope. That might mean medication down the road. But not now.

In any case, "should I have my child evaluated and medicated" was not my question. It was rather "what does ADHS look like in girls, and how are you managing it". My feelings about medication don't really need to come into it.

[Anonymous]

...gets so excited about little things (new toothpaste! a dandelion puff! going out for pizza!)

So cute. Makes me smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...gets so excited about little things (new toothpaste! a dandelion puff! going out for pizza!)

So cute. Makes me smile.

Me too. We have so much fun, as long as she doesn't need to DO anything.

[Anonymous]

My DD with ADHD was always a good student but she was working so hard to keep it together at school that she would have massive meltdowns at the end of the day. When we finally treated it, she was so much happier.

Also, OP, kids with ADHD sometimes do fine until they reach 3rd grade, at which point the demands increase. Middle school is another one of those points.

Finally, OP, none of the reasons you raise for not getting an evaluation are very strong. Fear of stigma is so much worse than any stigma because it keeps parents from getting their children the diagnoses and interventions they need. Your post is evidence of that. It isn't a label, its a diagnosis. Those of us with kids with ADHD didn't stick a label on them like a can of soup. We got them appropriate medical care.

Nobody wants to medicate their kids. Most of us tried everything under the sun before we did, and then when we finally pursued medication kicked ourselves for not doing it sooner. Fear of medication is no reason not to get an evaluation. if your DD does have ADHD you don't have to give her medication, you can also try everything under the sun (before finding that you should pursue medication, but that would be getting too far ahead here).

Finally, OP, you brought up your fears of medication. And you brought up concerns about your DD being labeled. Thats why PP responded to that and I didn't think there was anything unkind in her post. She was simply saying what most of us have found -- that there really isn't a stigma to ADHD these days. I thought her post had specific suggestions and was helpful.

The "I would lose my shit if she said I can't do anything because my brain works differently" is really confusing to me. Do you think thats what we teach our kids to say? In which case, why did you come here to insult those of us with daughters with ADHD. We want to help, but please be careful in the way you describe US and OUR children.

[Anonymous]

You've received good advice on this thread, which it appears you intend to ignore. Sticking your head in the sand is not fair to your daughter. Get her evaluated and learn what you're dealing with. Does it look and sound like ADHD? Yes. Your describing our daughter to a T. She was diagnosed with ADHD at NIH at age 6.