ADD/ ADHD girls

[Anonymous]

OP, your nephew sounds self-aware. Maybe his parents give him medication vacations and they shouldn't. But the fact that he can distinguish between when he has and hasn't had his medication is a good thing. You should be more understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get your child evaluated so you know what you are dealing with and can better understand her behavior. Then you decide on treatment options (if any at all) based on how it is impacting her life.

This OP. Know what you're dealing with. Also accommodations are not excuses. A child with a learning disability (and ADHD can impair executive functioning) gets accommodations in school so that they can learn plain and simple.

If you want to know more about girls and ADHD, I would suggest Patricia Quinn books: Understanding Girls with ADHD, Attention Girls! A Guide to Learn All about Your ADHD, Understanding Women with ADHD and Gender Issues and ADHD: Research, Diagnosis and Treatment, co-authored with Dr. Kathleen
Nadeau.

http://www.ncgiadd.org/about/

[Anonymous]

OP here- You're being unfair to me, or you're reading selectively. I am not sticking my head in the sand, I'm beginning to explore the possibility by posting here.

I do not fear stigma. I don't know how I can say more plainly that my aversion to medicalizing her behavior has NOTHING to do with other people and their perceptions. I DO know that MY child will latch on to any excuse not to do something she doesn't want to do. This is the kid who, when punished for bad behavior at age barely-3, said "I did it because I'm hungry and tired". After all, WE used that excuse, didn't we? Why shouldn't she?

I do not think that psychoactive drugs are the right move for MY six year old who is not setting things on fire. I do not judge you for it. I want her to learn strategies, and *I* want to learn strategies. If your only strategies were medical, then perhaps we'll have things to say to each other in three or four years. For the moment, though, I would very much appreciate some thoughts on these early days.

As for "intending to ignore good advice", that's uncalled for. There is no one right answer. I would be doing my daughter a greater disservice by blindly following than by asking questions based on what I know about her.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and thanks for the book recommendations. Much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

You are hopeless, OP.

[Anonymous]

I get the rejection of meds, but I don't understand why you would not want to get her evaluated. An evaluation is first and foremost meant to give you answers, treating the ADHD comes second, and you are not the only mom afraid of meds. Btw, neither of my ADHD kids are medicated, at least not for ADHD.

At some point her possible ADHD can turn into a very negative time both for her and for you, so it would be helpful for you to understand how she is impacted by it.

[Anonymous]

Op - if she is doing well socially, emotionally and academically then there is really no need to seek an evaluation at this point. If it isn't impacting her or the family then you can continue to address her behavior in a supportive and teaching manner as you have been doing.

If down the road you start to see that her social relationships are being impacted or she is struggling emotionally or with her sense of sense (feeling bad or not good enough) or she is struggling academically (or working so hard at academics that other areas are suffering) then you need to consider an assessment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are hopeless, OP.

I am married, PP. You have to work with the circumstances you've got, and not go haring off down a road that you know is a dead end. What you call hopeless, I call "pragmatic".

11:52, that's a fair point-- understanding for me, through evaluation, rather than a hoop to jump through to get the rx.

Other 11:52, this is a good distinction, thank you. I do worry about the day when she will struggle and get down on herself. That will be a turning point for me, I think.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP,

Even though your question was not "should I have my child evaluted?" I think it is fair for folks with everyday, real-life experience with ADHD children to step up and say: "Uh.. I kinda think you should get your child evaluated." If I were to get technical, I could say that it falls into the "how are you managing it?" part of the equation.

In the end, we don't know you, don't know what you will end up doing, but what you describe really should be taken to a specialist. It *does* sound like you have apprehensions about going down the ADHD path, labeling your child, and such. Which is OK to feel. No big deal. Just don't let those feelings get in the way of helping your daughter. From what you describe—and *if* your daughter actually has ADHD—she's likely way down that path already *without* you. Label or no label.

My son (with ADHD) would never dream of making his brain's differences an excuse to be lazy or not do his homework. These kids REALLY want to come through and get it right, they just can't without extra supports. They need our help to develop coping mechanisms so they can keep up on a more neurotypical level. I also wouldn't apply the behavior of your nephew to your daughter. They are two different people. I think in fairness to you and your daughter, you should assume from the outset that she wants to do well.

I'm really not trying to be pissy with you and/or make you feel bad, but I do think you are going to see your POV of today change as you learn more about your daughter's behaviors. A specialist can really help you. We paid $3,600 to have my son evaluated and I thought "Holy Sh*t that's a lot of money." But I also took a second look at things and realized, "This is going to feel like a bargain come middle school. That $3,600 will likely set us off on the right path in our ability to understand and help our son." Best of luck to you, truly.

[Anonymous]

$3600 for an evaluation? What do poor parents do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to be concerned about what others think or how your DD will be labeled if she is evaluated and diagnosed. Most people, frankly, don't care. When I tell people my DD has ADHD or is on meds, they reply "Oh really?" and never ask any follow up questions. DD is a popular girl, has plenty of friends, involved in competitive sports, works hard in school and is adjusting well. She has areas where she needs support and the teachers provide accomodations as they go along. You are doing your DD a disservice by not having her evaluated. As a PP said, you have many treatement options that inlucde therapy, meds, classroom interventions, social skills goups. The counselor at DDs school has a "Friendship Club". It is really a social skills group. The kids love it and think its cool. They share their thoughts and the counselor just lets them talk but gives them ground rules. It is a mixed bag of students with LDs, ADHD, traditional learners. So, I think you should be proactive in helping your DD and figuring it out.

Where on earth did you get that??

What I am trying to avoid is giving her an excuse to slack off or not put forth real effort. I have heard my nephew try to explain away bad behavior by saying "Well, I haven't had my ritalin today". I won't have that. I want her to learn to cope. That might mean medication down the road. But not now.

In any case, "should I have my child evaluated and medicated" was not my question. It was rather "what does ADHS look like in girls, and how are you managing it". My feelings about medication don't really need to come into it.

OP, you seem very defensive. I'm a new poster with an 8 yr old boy with ADHD (combination type). First, before anything else, you need to have an evaluation. Then, and only then, can you make any decisions. FWIW, your DD sounds like my friends son with ADHD. And, yes, I think it warrants an evaluation. There are many many treatment options. Also, I think you are a little harsh saying that you think your DD will use ADHD as an excuse for not working as hard. I know my DS and my friends DS work very hard to get schoolwork done. Never have they used it as as excuse for a pass on the work.

[Anonymous]

Why are people talking about their sons?

[Anonymous]

Good question 12:13. I do believe there are ways to get an eval for less money. It's just that for me, I was quite confident (mostly) in what I was dealing with in my son (ADHD) but I wanted to get the best specialist's opinion possible. One that truly understood and had seen A LOT of cases of ADHD. I wanted more than a straight child psychologist. They did many things for this money, two days of interviewing, attention tests, emotional tests and I.Q tests were a few things they did. They also evaluated his school placement as well.

[Anonymous]

12:15 Because there are more cases of boys with ADHD and most people really do just want to help. Surely there things that make ADHD in girls uniquely different than ADHD in boys. But there are definitely a lot of gender neutral aspects that can be addressed as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like all the posts on the topic concern boys.

I don't know what to think about my six year old daughter's behavior. She's impulsive and physically (over?)active. She interrupts, she doesn't (can't?) sit through a meal or a short homework assignment without thinking of something else she wants to do every single minute. Not exaggerating. She's popping out of her seat every sixty seconds or more. She gets corrected in class for talking when she should be listening, wandering off when she should be working. She's very emotional-- cries easily, overflows with empathy for others, gets so excited about little things (new toothpaste! a dandelion puff! going out for pizza!) that she can't breathe.

She's also happy and loving and funny, friends with everyone, and hitting academic milestones ahead of schedule. She is a pleaser, so when someone corrects her (or, ok, loses patience and snaps at her), she is upset. For about one minute. Then it's back to the hummingbird behavior-- happy and flighty.

Until recently, I thought "Kids will be kids!" But now I'm looking at other children and beginning to be afraid.

Can you tell me about your daughter who has been diagnosed? What did it look like? What steps are you taking?

- Your daughter sounds like I was at that age, well before ADD was known. I wasn't diagnosed until after the birth of my second child. I haven't read what others have posted yet, but I'll share my thoughts. When you say you "don't know what to think" and "beginning to be afraid..." Afraid of what?
My 10-year-old son has ADD and so do many of his friends. It is not a big deal, the kids know and cope with it, as opposed to when I was a kid, and my mother used to say, "How can a girl so intelligent be so dumb?" and my best friend said, "You're such a ditz!" or the guys said, "You're the most graceful klutz I've ever known."
It hurt my feelings, and it still does to think about it. I hurt when I hear the "squirrel" jokes about ADD.
But when I was diagnosed, everyone except ME was SHOCKED. Why? I succeeded, despite it all. Despite being the last one to turn in assignments. Despite missing the school bus ...all the time. Despite being late for school. Yes, I was docked, but like your daughter, I hit academic milestones ahead of schedule, and schoolwork was my refuge. I got into a top 25 university both for undergrad and grad.
Just love your daughter and be there for her. Life is hard enough with ADD. She's probably suffering more than you know. At least she will understand the reason, whereas no one ever believed me when I told them how I felt inside.