Does your spouse have a friend you can't stand?

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering how common this is and how others deal with it. I love all of my husband's friends except one guy that just makes my skin crawl for a plethora of reasons that would take ages to even go in to. What makes this difficult is that he is always around, or attempting to be around. He sends text messages every single day wanting my husband to meet up for a beer and will even drop by with beer in hand unexpectedly and then never leave. He'll bring his kids over and just let them run loose and destroy my house. It drives me nuts! I want my husband to have close/good friends, which he does, but this guy is creepy and an asshole. He's married, but not happily, so he clearly feels no strong desire to be at home while at the same time having no concept of boundaries or the term "overstaying a visit." When our baby was 5-days old, he lingered for an entire afternoon and didn't leave until I literally yelled at him to give me some privacy so I could feed the baby in the comfort of my own living room (I didn't quite have my breastfeeding dexterity yet and I had politely asked for privacy multiple times...he just didn't care). Nothing gets me fuming more than coming home from a hard day at work and seeing this guy sitting in my house, not only because he's an ass but also because I know he won't be leaving anytime soon. I cannot for the life of me understand why my husband likes this guy. My husband knows how I feel about him, but keeps hanging out with him--which I would be more willing to accept if the guy would just get a clue and understand when the proper time to say goodbye would be!

Does anyone else have someone like this in their life and how do you deal with them?

[Anonymous]

Yes, her friends that post questions on DCUM forums.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My DH has a friend who is in his late 30's, has never married, is a total player, has a huge ego, is loud and obnoxious, etc. He is always scamming on ANY decent-looking single woman - I would never introduce him to any of my friends and he knows it and it pisses him off.

The upside is that I hardly ever see him, though my DH's phone goes off incessantly with his texts. They play soccer together and occasionally go out.

I don't know what I would do, OP, if he were at my house all the time. I guess you're going to have to get a little more direct - kick him out a few times! Sounds like it won't faze him and you'll get a little peace.

[Anonymous]

I have the friend that my spouse can't stand. He loathes her, and it initially created a lot of tension and fights and crap between us until I realized, you know, she does appear to be all of the things he says he can't stand about her! But I have a long history with her and can overlook some things that he doesn't have any incentive to. He just sees a know-it-all bitch obsessed with herself and her job. I see a lot more because we've been friends for almost 20 years.

So what I do about it is never try to get them together, always see her on my own, and respect the fact that he doesn't want her in the house. Thankfully, we live far from each other so it makes sense to meet up in the middle, so that hasn't been an issue.

[Anonymous]

The problem for me is that I can't stand the person my husband becomes when he's around this one old friend of his.

[Anonymous]

My husband has a brother I can't stand.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but he lives in another state. We don't see him that often.

[Anonymous]

What happened OP? Did you tell your husband how you feel? I think that would be a first step.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I fucking hate that bitch. I'm trying to work on myself and get over it. It's tough

[Anonymous]

Have you tried counseling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a brother I can't stand.

So does mine. Never let your BIL stay with you.

[Anonymous]

Husband used to. Childhood friend. He died. I was not sad. I'm probably going to hell for saying this but that day I was so happy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I actually dislike a lot of my DH's friends but one in particular. DH is from this area and has a lot of childhood friends still in town -- those ties of long shared history can be strong even when you don't particularly like the person or when the person changes over time. I have friends like that too, but I moved here from out of state so we don't see my childhood friends often. I don't criticize DH for having those friends but he's aware I don't want to see them.

Anyway, I solve it by sending DH out with them one day a week. He has a standing "date" at one guys house every other week, and a group event the opposite week. They rarely come over, and I rarely attend events at their houses. It helps that we have a young kid so I can always plead "sleeping baby" if they need to go.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, DH's beat friend is a cheater and compulsive liar. He backed out of our wedding via text a couple of days before for some lame excuse; turns out he went away with his mistress for the weekend. And now after 3 years of cheating on his wife, he's been caught and moves in with his girlfriend and now expects is all to just be okay with that. He makes my skin crawl. But he stood by my DH during the worst experience of his life so DH will always be loyal to him, and I am loyal to DH, so I suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a brother I can't stand.

+1. Thank god he lives in another state, and also that my husband doesn't like him either.