Beach week -- would you/did you let your HS senior do it?

[Anonymous]

I'm really struggling with whether I think this is okay. On the one hand I trust my 18 yo DS and he's been very responsible and shown good judgment in the past. On the other hand, a week at the beach unsupervised with friends seems like asking for trouble. What would you allow? Or what did you do if you've already been down this road with your teen?
Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Discussed at length...

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/165765.page

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/241475.page#2505751
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/161980.page#1488889

[Anonymous]

I only have toddlers so this is a long way away for me. But I do have fond memories of my beach week. Lots of drinking, drugs, sex (sadly, not me), and a lot of fun. We all cooked, cleaned, took care of each other too. Honestly if you are sending your child of to college at the end of the summer there's no real difference. I do regret the drugs, because that's not really me, but none of us drove drunk, none of us ODed, we were all generally good kids.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Yeah, I did quite a few wild things towards the end of high school, beginning of college. That's why I'm leaning towards NOT letting my kid go to beach week. For one thing, IMO a week is too long to expect an 18 yo to be in an environment where the prevaling norm is to drink, do drugs and have sex. I realize some "may do it anyway" and "they're going to do it in two months" when they go to college. Still, as a parent I'm not sure I should be encouraging this.

Thanks to PP for the other threads about this. I guess this comes down to every parent to make what they believe is the right call. Frankly, I was sort of shocked at how many parents seem fine with Beach Week.

[Anonymous]

The kids go for a week at the end of June and then essentially for a lifetime at the end of August. So some parents back into the decision as it's just time to start letting go. Even still, all the beach week groups of senior parents/kids that we know have pre beach week group meetings to determine house rules (no cars, no outside overnight visitors, no open parties, whatever) and have chaperones in the house or staying nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only have toddlers so this is a long way away for me. But I do have fond memories of my beach week. Lots of drinking, drugs, sex (sadly, not me), and a lot of fun. We all cooked, cleaned, took care of each other too. Honestly if you are sending your child of to college at the end of the summer there's no real difference. I do regret the drugs, because that's not really me, but none of us drove drunk, none of us ODed, we were all generally good kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids go for a week at the end of June and then essentially for a lifetime at the end of August. So some parents back into the decision as it's just time to start letting go. Even still, all the beach week groups of senior parents/kids that we know have pre beach week group meetings to determine house rules (no cars, no outside overnight visitors, no open parties, whatever) and have chaperones in the house or staying nearby.

This is good to hear. I migh be open to something that provides at least minimal supervision, like a group of parents staying next door or in a separate part of the beach house.

[Anonymous]

You could also consider this a test run. If you have a strong relationship with your kid, you could talk about what happened afterward and how he felt he handled it. As PP said, peer pressure will be intense and he may do things just because of that. Hopefully nothing that causes extended consequences, but you could talk about how to say no without feeling left out, how to step in when things g off the rails, how to protect less assertive friends.

The news is full of stories about college parties gone wrong. Use this as a chance to educate your kid about what to do if that ever happens to him, using hopefully much more minor examples from beach week.

[Anonymous]

What about his group of friends? Do you like and generally trust them, too? Have you already gone through any incidents of drinking, drugs, sex, or other behavior that can be risky if not dealt with responsibly? Does your son give in to peer pressure pretty easily?

[Anonymous]

No way, I am sending my 18 year old off to the beach for a week. I went at 20 and made worse mistakes than I did at any college party. It is problematic precisely because it is one nonstop week-long party by newly minted "adults" who are too immature to understand that a high school diploma doesn't equal instant maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids go for a week at the end of June and then essentially for a lifetime at the end of August. So some parents back into the decision as it's just time to start letting go. Even still, all the beach week groups of senior parents/kids that we know have pre beach week group meetings to determine house rules (no cars, no outside overnight visitors, no open parties, whatever) and have chaperones in the house or staying nearby.

This is good to hear. I migh be open to something that provides at least minimal supervision, like a group of parents staying next door or in a separate part of the beach house.

OMG really? Chaperones in a separate part of the house??? Your poor young adults. Notice I didn't say kids. They are NOT kids anymore. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

They aren't adults, either. Eighteen and a diploma doesn't make one adult. They aren't truly adults until they pay their own way. These are for the most part immature kids with the mistaken idea that they are magically adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids go for a week at the end of June and then essentially for a lifetime at the end of August. So some parents back into the decision as it's just time to start letting go. Even still, all the beach week groups of senior parents/kids that we know have pre beach week group meetings to determine house rules (no cars, no outside overnight visitors, no open parties, whatever) and have chaperones in the house or staying nearby.

This is good to hear. I migh be open to something that provides at least minimal supervision, like a group of parents staying next door or in a separate part of the beach house.

OMG really? Chaperones in a separate part of the house??? Your poor young adults. Notice I didn't say kids. They are NOT kids anymore. Sigh.

DH stayed in a hotel a few miles away and golfed for a few days. The kids were 7 hours away and the group parents wanted an adult nearby in case someone ended up in the ER or police station. No need to sigh for my kids.

[Anonymous]

A hotel a few miles away in appropriate. Staying in the same house is not.

[Anonymous]

Nope. And I am far from the helicopter type. I have three away at college. They are all really good kids. But at 17/18 years old there was no way I was going to send them off to a week long party where drugs and alcohol are the norm. I trust them. But I also didn't see any reason to put them in a situation that they might not be ready to handle. Teens do not think like adults. And to compare college to beach week is ridiculous.