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My mom wants to take my DS out of town
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Anonymous
| She wants to visit my sister in Miami for just the weekend, and wants to take my 15 month old with her. My sister is dying to see him, so I know she is going to be mad at me and try to convince me and give me a guilt trip. My mom asked me today and I told her that i needed to talk to my husband about it, she said that she doesn't see the problem since she watches him during the day and when I go away for the weekend she keeps him. I told her it is different, since he is going to be away from me and from his home. I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable him gone for a whole weekend when I am here. So now my mom is mad at me because I don't want him to go. I know he is going to be fine with my mom and my sister but I just feel anxious about it. I don't know what to do. |
Anonymous
| Let him go. What's the real issue? You would feel guilty about it because you are available? If you have no concerns about your mom's ability to care for him, then I don't see the point in not letting him go. |
Anonymous
I don't think it's right that you are afraid to say no to your mom and sister. He's your son. You and your husband have a right to make the decision, and that means you should feel free to say yes -- or say no -- and expect that your decision be respected by your mom and sister. I personally don't think it's so hard to understand why you would be anxious about it. |
Anonymous
| As a first-time mom, I would feel uncomfortable too. Here's my argument: yes, you let your mom take care of him at your/her home, but have either of you seen your sister's house recently? Is it child-proofed to your standards? Does she have kids/pets/pool that would be potential distractions/hazards? A 15-month old is very curious and maybe quite mobile, so it would freak me out to leave him anywhere I hadn't checked out. (My 10-month-old Ds doesn't go anywhere but daycare without my or DH's supervision!) Your mom may say she'll keep an eye on him, but it's easy to get distracted when you're hanging out with family. |
Anonymous
|
Can the sister come and visit.
My worries would be mom handling an active toddler on the plane, coordinating the luggage, etc. Would she be travelling solo? Even though I trust my mom and sis 100%, I would never live it down if something was to happen outside (or within) their control. Not to mention, it might be a hassle to even get permission for him to travel with her. He can't just get on a plane without mom or dad. |
Anonymous
|
No. It's as simple as that. If she wanted to take him on a day trip, that's one thing. But that far, overnight, plane, etc. No way!
Offer to pay for your sister to fly up here. Even if you don't have the money to do it, it's better than the stress of letting him go. Plus, he's your baby. I'm so sorry they are making you feel guilty about it. I was given a major guilt trip from extended family when we sent my DD to daycare instead of letting my MIL watch her when my MIL was visiting from out of town. It was actually my DH's idea to send her to daycare (so glad it was him who initiated that). But it kind of worked out because since my MIL is getting older, she had a pretty bad senior moment while she was here and my DH said - Thank God we sent the baby to daycare! My point is - go with your gut and your heart! |
Anonymous
Totally agree with this poster. 15 months is a dangerous age, and the house is almost certainly NOT child proofed. There are 1000 things to think about with child proofing and are they really going to do it all? Cover all the outlets? Put everything up high? Lock away the cleaning products? Stairs? Dogs? Ugh, the list is endless. Time enough for these kinds of visits when your boy is a little older. |
Anonymous
| No way... a plane trip is MUCH different than a day trip. One time my MIL was watching my little guy and took him to the beach... it was a favor to my husband and I since we had wedding obligations the whole weekend... but he got sick. He was throwing up and I felt AWFUL! What will she do if he gets sick there? What if he would fall and break his arm? Will your mother know how to handle it sure... but you won't be able to get to him. Do you know any doctors or hospitals down there? Is your sister's house baby proofed? I see big differences here. I know there are some people that would have no problem with this... but I would. I think you have a right to your feelings. |
Anonymous
| If I had the same decision to make, I would not let my mother take my child for the weekend. This is just the beginning of family members guilting you into stuff, so take it from me, don't give in. It becomes easier each time. |
Anonymous
|
It would be a no for me as well.
Maybe I missed it somewhere - but can't you go with them to visit your sister? I would think it would be a great opportunity to spend a fun weekend with mom and sis (and DS). |
Anonymous
| Chalk up another poster who agrees with the OP on this one. You have every right (and responsibility!) to decide how your child spends the weekend, irrespective of how much care-taking your mother provides during the week. And there are real safety issues at stake: it's one thing to deal with a child in your home; it's another thing to navigate an airport, etc. My inlaws have thrown out ideas like this for my 4yo and while I'd consider leaving him with them for a night or two in their home, I'd never allow them to take him on a trip. If you need reinforcement, consider the VA child who was briefly abducted this weekend after his grandfather lost sight of him at the grocery store. It seems like there is a boundary issue here that you need to make clear with your mother. |
Anonymous
| I don't know, do whatever you think is right. It is very good for your child to be away from you for a bit and with other family members that love him uncoditionally, so that is one point noone's made yet. I would be concerned about your sister's house as well (is there a pool, is she good with kids and know how quickly they move, etc.). So only you can answer that. Sounds like you should either hop on a plane and go with them (and then go out for a few hours each day, take a rest, get away, let them watch your child) or fly your sister up here. What a lovely problem to have, 'tho, 2 other women who love your child want to spend time with your child.... |
Anonymous
| my question is why is ok for you mom to have him when you go away for the weekend?? |
Anonymous
OP has likely seen Mom's house recently for signs of child-proofing. No planes and airports and luggage involved. Stick with "no" OP. |
Anonymous
| No. For many reasons, not the least of which is that your child may freak out. |