BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

[Anonymous]

What did you decide OP

[Anonymous]

Yeah, update us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe there are 29 pages and anything but a consensus that a mandate to attend a wedding in Australia with 4 freaking weeks notice is a non-starter. 1 month’s notice after a 2 year engagement for a second marriage? Lmfao.

It would possibly be the consensus if OP weren't such a self-centered princess herself. I just spent 2 hours running around trying to figure out a stupid birthday gift for my BIL who is throwing himself a "lavish" birthday party tomorrow, a 3-hour drive from here. That was 2 hours of a busy day I won't get back, then I will be in the car for over 6 hours tomorrow so he can be the center of attention for 4 hours, when he is way too old for it.

Said the poster who just made it all about herself…

Lol glad someone else had the same thought!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It feels a little extra to lock down a whole week to celebrate an adult's birthday

This, OMG. Sooo extra. Cancel celebration number 2 and go to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe there are 29 pages and anything but a consensus that a mandate to attend a wedding in Australia with 4 freaking weeks notice is a non-starter. 1 month’s notice after a 2 year engagement for a second marriage? Lmfao.

I would agree with you if OP's reason was something other than she needs her TWO birthday parties as a grown ass adult.

[Anonymous]

Birthdays are every year. Weddings don’t come as easy. I know it’s hard and they should have given you more notice but it’s family and it’s a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There could be a valid reason why the wedding is rushed. OP says she has never had issues with husband's side of the family before. So this isn't a pattern.

Maybe there are valid reasons to move it up (visas, residency, terminal illness, her side of the family only being able to make that period of time work). Surely someone can ask why there is such a rush? Especially since there wasn't before.

Maybe this is something they want to share in person. Definitely have seen situations where you don't get the whole picture and the facts until you are there.

Hey family, I want to share something in person so I need you all to fly to Australia so that I can tell it to you. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but how could you possibly enjoy the dinner knowing your husband (seemingly a generous and good person) now faces "long-held resentment" from his family because he couldn't go to the wedding? And how can he enjoy the dinner if he is eaten up with guilt?

I don't think a month's notice is a big deal. If you have family overseas things happen all the time and you drop everything and you go. NBD. It's a long flight but that's about it. It's not like you need vaccinations or special prep to go to Australia.

Think of this as special time your husband can spend with his siblings. Something that doesn't happen often I'm sure and who knows when it will happen again.

You’re completely wrong. If you have family overseas, with exception of a medical emergency, you consult people in advance, give extra notice and don’t demand they drop everything at your convenience. We are not talking about a 7.5 hour flight to the UK here. Australia is 30 hours door to door each way.

This. I have family in Japan. We started discussing dates for our October visit in May.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels a little extra to lock down a whole week to celebrate an adult's birthday

This, OMG. Sooo extra. Cancel celebration number 2 and go to the wedding.

For the last time, it's not a "2nd bday celebration" but more of a "we planned to have ALL of our grown kids home and this was the weekend that works. So the kids took time off work, booked flights and we will all be together for 4 or 5 days. Something they planned, when nobody else had anything "important" planned for that time. If the brother cared, he would have picked another time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but how could you possibly enjoy the dinner knowing your husband (seemingly a generous and good person) now faces "long-held resentment" from his family because he couldn't go to the wedding? And how can he enjoy the dinner if he is eaten up with guilt?

I don't think a month's notice is a big deal. If you have family overseas things happen all the time and you drop everything and you go. NBD. It's a long flight but that's about it. It's not like you need vaccinations or special prep to go to Australia.

Think of this as special time your husband can spend with his siblings. Something that doesn't happen often I'm sure and who knows when it will happen again.

You’re completely wrong. If you have family overseas, with exception of a medical emergency, you consult people in advance, give extra notice and don’t demand they drop everything at your convenience. We are not talking about a 7.5 hour flight to the UK here. Australia is 30 hours door to door each way.

This. I have family in Japan. We started discussing dates for our October visit in May.

This is what normal people do. You work together to find a time that works for everyone (or as many people as possible). It's kind of exactly like what the OP did with her immediate family gathering that she planned with her kids who don't live at home or in the same town anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, update us!

Yes I think the wedding is the weekend or next weekend!!
(as is the big birthday with your kids!)
Happy Birthday op!

[Anonymous]

Tell BIL to honeymoon in the US. That way, they can celebrate here with his dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me out here.
My BIL (husband's brother) got engaged a couple of years ago. He and his fiancee live in Australia and this will be second wedding for each. When they got engaged we thought their wedding would follow soon after...

I'm celebrating a big birthday this year, and DH and I booked a small but lavish party for our dearest friends (venue, band, catering etc). As one of my children suddenly got a posting order overseas over that date and wouldn't be able to make the party, ...
Whatever we do, or don't do, will upset someone. What would you do?

Is your child in the military? I would have rebooked the wedding style birthday party to when your adult child was available. That AC availability should be the driver not your mini wedding and if Australia fits prior to that date then go if it's in the budget for $ and PTO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels a little extra to lock down a whole week to celebrate an adult's birthday

This, OMG. Sooo extra. Cancel celebration number 2 and go to the wedding.

For the last time, it's not a "2nd bday celebration" but more of a "we planned to have ALL of our grown kids home and this was the weekend that works. So the kids took time off work, booked flights and we will all be together for 4 or 5 days. Something they planned, when nobody else had anything "important" planned for that time. If the brother cared, he would have picked another time

Is this OP? What ended up happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels a little extra to lock down a whole week to celebrate an adult's birthday

This, OMG. Sooo extra. Cancel celebration number 2 and go to the wedding.

For the last time, it's not a "2nd bday celebration" but more of a "we planned to have ALL of our grown kids home and this was the weekend that works. So the kids took time off work, booked flights and we will all be together for 4 or 5 days. Something they planned, when nobody else had anything "important" planned for that time. If the brother cared, he would have picked another time

Is this OP? What ended up happening?

No, that (this) is not OP. Just someone pointing out that the OP actually planned their gathering with their immediate family. Like smart people do who actually care about others. they plan