Sleeping in separate beds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep -- my DH sleeps in a separate bed in the living room for the time being and I am so appreciative!
We have not slept all night in the same bed for almost 2 years.
We have sex at least once or twice a week (even now while I'm 40 weeks pregnant!!).
Here's why:
I co-slept with my DS until he was 5 months. I was miserable. Trying to co-sleep and breastfeed and my baby just continuously nursed and pooped all night. Finally I reached the end of my rope and DH offered to co-sleep with baby until he goes into the room with his big sister. So I got to start getting full nights of sleep while DH managed the baby.
Eventually this transitioned to having the two kids (they are 1.5 years apart so close in age) in their room together. However the young one would still often wake up once in the middle of the night and/or the kids would wake up super early. DH wakes up early anyway to start working on his computer by 6:30 so he basically took on night-time and morning wake-up time for the kids.
Lucky me!! Yes I miss cuddling with DH to sleep, but he does all this so I can get better sleep. Once I got pregnant again we continued this because it made sense while I'm pregnant and need more rest - not to mention I literally make a pregnancy nest in my bed with 6+ pillows propping me up. DH enjoys sleeping in the living room, I think he gets to read news on his phone and stuff instead of me bugging him to turn it off so I can sleep

I feel extremely lucky with this set-up.
And, as far as sex goes, we tend to find a good convenient time to do it which I find more enjoyable than just at the end of the day when I'm tired and kind of want to zone out. Saturday afternoon nap times for example are the bomb

You don’t do night wake ups or early mornings but still decided on kid 3? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I did for 3 years straight.When we sold our house and moved into a rental while our house was being built we were back in the same bed. We are still in the same bed in the new house but I sometimes sleep in the guest room. It’s never affected our sex life because we usually get busy when we get home from work or shortly after dinner clean up. (No kids)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep -- my DH sleeps in a separate bed in the living room for the time being and I am so appreciative!
We have not slept all night in the same bed for almost 2 years.
We have sex at least once or twice a week (even now while I'm 40 weeks pregnant!!).
Here's why:
I co-slept with my DS until he was 5 months. I was miserable. Trying to co-sleep and breastfeed and my baby just continuously nursed and pooped all night. Finally I reached the end of my rope and DH offered to co-sleep with baby until he goes into the room with his big sister. So I got to start getting full nights of sleep while DH managed the baby.
Eventually this transitioned to having the two kids (they are 1.5 years apart so close in age) in their room together. However the young one would still often wake up once in the middle of the night and/or the kids would wake up super early. DH wakes up early anyway to start working on his computer by 6:30 so he basically took on night-time and morning wake-up time for the kids.
Lucky me!! Yes I miss cuddling with DH to sleep, but he does all this so I can get better sleep. Once I got pregnant again we continued this because it made sense while I'm pregnant and need more rest - not to mention I literally make a pregnancy nest in my bed with 6+ pillows propping me up. DH enjoys sleeping in the living room, I think he gets to read news on his phone and stuff instead of me bugging him to turn it off so I can sleep

I feel extremely lucky with this set-up.
And, as far as sex goes, we tend to find a good convenient time to do it which I find more enjoyable than just at the end of the day when I'm tired and kind of want to zone out. Saturday afternoon nap times for example are the bomb

You don’t do night wake ups or early mornings but still decided on kid 3? Interesting.

PP here - yep! I feel like we're one of those couples who really happily divides different tasks/childcare/chores. Kids wake up early as does DH while I can sleep in until after 7, even 8 if I need it. DH is happily working on his computer while the kids play blocks and stuff. I come in and do most of the other "get ready" stuff like have them use the potty, make and eat breakfast with them, do their hair, etc.

I usually put them to bed at night, reading them books and singing, etc. DH has done night time wakings & early mornings for over 1.5 years now, since I night weaned the current youngest.

Now with #3 coming any day, we are basically going to keep the same arrangement for a while, but I'll have the new baby in my room. But I will NOT co-sleep!!! This time around I'm going to be much more strict about using a bassinet so the baby learns to sleep on their own without mommy's breast or daddy's cuddles so I'll be managing baby &me at night while DH helps the older two. I think it's a great way to do it. No need for him and the other kids to wake up when baby does; and no need for me to wake up when the older kids do

[Anonymous]

Married for 18 sleeping separate for about 7. My wife doesn't sleep for sit and reads all night. It destroyed my sleep so we split rooms. Much better now.

[Anonymous]

DH is a morning person. I'm a night owl who's fully embraced my sleep identify. Sleeping in different rooms has been glorious.

[Anonymous]

Sleep is so important. If sleeping with someone is causing you to lose sleep then by all means I would find another option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep -- my DH sleeps in a separate bed in the living room for the time being and I am so appreciative!
We have not slept all night in the same bed for almost 2 years.
We have sex at least once or twice a week (even now while I'm 40 weeks pregnant!!).
Here's why:
I co-slept with my DS until he was 5 months. I was miserable. Trying to co-sleep and breastfeed and my baby just continuously nursed and pooped all night. Finally I reached the end of my rope and DH offered to co-sleep with baby until he goes into the room with his big sister. So I got to start getting full nights of sleep while DH managed the baby.
Eventually this transitioned to having the two kids (they are 1.5 years apart so close in age) in their room together. However the young one would still often wake up once in the middle of the night and/or the kids would wake up super early. DH wakes up early anyway to start working on his computer by 6:30 so he basically took on night-time and morning wake-up time for the kids.
Lucky me!! Yes I miss cuddling with DH to sleep, but he does all this so I can get better sleep. Once I got pregnant again we continued this because it made sense while I'm pregnant and need more rest - not to mention I literally make a pregnancy nest in my bed with 6+ pillows propping me up. DH enjoys sleeping in the living room, I think he gets to read news on his phone and stuff instead of me bugging him to turn it off so I can sleep

I feel extremely lucky with this set-up.
And, as far as sex goes, we tend to find a good convenient time to do it which I find more enjoyable than just at the end of the day when I'm tired and kind of want to zone out. Saturday afternoon nap times for example are the bomb

You don’t do night wake ups or early mornings but still decided on kid 3? Interesting.

PP here - yep! I feel like we're one of those couples who really happily divides different tasks/childcare/chores. Kids wake up early as does DH while I can sleep in until after 7, even 8 if I need it. DH is happily working on his computer while the kids play blocks and stuff. I come in and do most of the other "get ready" stuff like have them use the potty, make and eat breakfast with them, do their hair, etc.

I usually put them to bed at night, reading them books and singing, etc. DH has done night time wakings & early mornings for over 1.5 years now, since I night weaned the current youngest.

Now with #3 coming any day, we are basically going to keep the same arrangement for a while, but I'll have the new baby in my room. But I will NOT co-sleep!!! This time around I'm going to be much more strict about using a bassinet so the baby learns to sleep on their own without mommy's breast or daddy's cuddles so I'll be managing baby &me at night while DH helps the older two. I think it's a great way to do it. No need for him and the other kids to wake up when baby does; and no need for me to wake up when the older kids do

Or just sleep train all of them and no one needs to get up at all! Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 15 years, we have been sleeping in separate beds for 10 years since the second was born and my wife decided to co-sleep. I am used to my own bed now.

Our sex life sucks, once a month on average. I am sure we would have more if we slept in the same bed it would be like 2x a month and I would be way more frustrated since at least I have privacy in the guest room

Bottom line, the lack of sex isn't because of separate bed rooms but that doesn't help.

So why do you allow your marriage to go on like this?

[Anonymous]

Yes and it's glorious!! Married over 30 years. I deal with chronic, long-term insomnia and have to do what I can to sleep at all. Being able to sleep where I want is amazing and dh that is understanding and supportive. Glorious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have heard of this when the guy snores real loudly.

Have you heard of it when the wife snores real loudly? I wear earplugs and can still hear her snoring in the other room. I also snore.

We still have good sex twice a week after being together for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Separate beds or separate bedrooms? Separate bedrooms yes, same bedroom but separate beds, no, haven’t seen it.

[Anonymous]

Sure. A good night's sleep is more important that existing next to each other while we're unconscious.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we've been doing this since the pandemic started. I'm an introvert and need time alone to recharge. With everyone at home 24/7, I get very little time alone. So last spring I started sleeping alone in the guest bedroom at night and it's worked out great. Also, my H snores and while pre-Covid I could rest during the day if I had a night of little sleep, again with everyone home that prior solution didn't work in Covid times. Thankfully my H doesn't take me sleeping elsewhere personally and yes we are still close and intimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have been married almost 40 years and have been sleeping in separate beds for at least half that time. But my dad has horrible sleep apnea and snores loudly.

I think it takes a very, very secure and otherwise affectionate marriage for separate beds to be a positive thing.

This happens in normal marriages more than you think…..snoring issues, back pain, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have been married almost 40 years and have been sleeping in separate beds for at least half that time. But my dad has horrible sleep apnea and snores loudly.

I think it takes a very, very secure and otherwise affectionate marriage for separate beds to be a positive thing.

This happens in normal marriages more than you think…..snoring issues, back pain, etc.

My 11 year old son reports that almost half of his friend's parents sleep separate. You notice these things when you are over playing.