Anxiety about average kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, my kids are younger so it's more hypothetical still. But I totally am with you on the growing income inequality thing. I think what that means is that I'm anxious that my children will be emotionally stable, hard working people that will choose a career that will enable them to be on the "right side," even if that's a trade or physical labor based job. I have seen people in the right schools and neighborhoods get burnt out and crash and burn. We're a legacy at an elite private school that gets fawned over on DCUM and I would never in a million years send my kids there. None of our family that attended turned into happy adults, and it's a very mixed bag whether they even ended up successful on paper. I don't know if I have the right answers, but it is something I worry about.

OP here. But this is what I’m afraid of. If my daughter chooses a non UMS white collar position (anything besides doctor, lawyer, engineer, or business person), it’s so unstable and uncertain and could potentially lead to the wrong side of the divide. All the optimism and resilience and perseverance in the world won’t mean shit if my kid is struggling to raise a family in this area on a yearly income of $80k/year.

And for the record, I’ve always supported progressive policies that try to prevent (or at the very least, slow down) this frantic pace. I voted for Bernie in 2016 and 2020. But it’s all still so anxious. Maybe it’s just my trauma from growing up lower middle class though — most of my high school classmates are NOT doing well. Don’t want that for my kids.

I was with you... but now you lost me here. The number on someone's W2 is ONE slice of the total picture, it's not everything. Not to downplay salary, because I get it - DH & I are in our 40s around that $80k mark each and we don't have all the boxes ticked in terms of retirement and 529s yet, it's not easy street, but it's a relatively great place to be. And your DD will be coming through this with an UMC background that likely means low/not student loans, probably a little help with that first down payment, inherited wealth, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me want to barf. All of these posters writing about how they "rub shoulders with the elite" but their friends who don't are just as happy. Duh. That's because they don't think like you do. They're not as superficial. And they're not preemptively trashing smart and successful people out of fear and disappointment that their own kids aren't up to snuff.

Such condescending bs.

[Anonymous]

My HS freshman is a very high achiever in a magnet program and taking college level courses next year. She wants a very complex and competitive job as an adult and I have no doubt she will reach or exceed her goals. She already has funds set aside for college, a home, grad school and a wedding. We have insured that she will remain upper middle class. Our youngest is a leader but just in elementary. We have set aside funds for her collegiate needs, and startup money for her businesses, and money for a home. This is what must be done to ensure your children have the highest chance of an amazing life. They are the only children in my bloodline as my only sibling passed before marriage and children. My father, who is UC, makes sure to supplement what we have already insured for our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My HS freshman is a very high achiever in a magnet program and taking college level courses next year. She wants a very complex and competitive job as an adult and I have no doubt she will reach or exceed her goals. She already has funds set aside for college, a home, grad school and a wedding. We have insured that she will remain upper middle class. Our youngest is a leader but just in elementary. We have set aside funds for her collegiate needs, and startup money for her businesses, and money for a home. This is what must be done to ensure your children have the highest chance of an amazing life. They are the only children in my bloodline as my only sibling passed before marriage and children. My father, who is UC, makes sure to supplement what we have already insured for our children.

OP here. Sigh. I wish my kids were as motivated as yours….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, my kids are younger so it's more hypothetical still. But I totally am with you on the growing income inequality thing. I think what that means is that I'm anxious that my children will be emotionally stable, hard working people that will choose a career that will enable them to be on the "right side," even if that's a trade or physical labor based job. I have seen people in the right schools and neighborhoods get burnt out and crash and burn. We're a legacy at an elite private school that gets fawned over on DCUM and I would never in a million years send my kids there. None of our family that attended turned into happy adults, and it's a very mixed bag whether they even ended up successful on paper. I don't know if I have the right answers, but it is something I worry about.

OP here. But this is what I’m afraid of. If my daughter chooses a non UMS white collar position (anything besides doctor, lawyer, engineer, or business person), it’s so unstable and uncertain and could potentially lead to the wrong side of the divide. All the optimism and resilience and perseverance in the world won’t mean shit if my kid is struggling to raise a family in this area on a yearly income of $80k/year.

And for the record, I’ve always supported progressive policies that try to prevent (or at the very least, slow down) this frantic pace. I voted for Bernie in 2016 and 2020. But it’s all still so anxious. Maybe it’s just my trauma from growing up lower middle class though — most of my high school classmates are NOT doing well. Don’t want that for my kids.

I dated someone like you once. He talked a good talk about how inequality generally was bad and damaging; it turned out that he was most concerned about coming out on the “right side” of it. Very tedious.

Well what else are you supposed to do? Be okay with your kids potentially not having healthcare? (or inadequate healthcare)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I am a high achiever and have been for my whole life. As a result, I know the downsides of being this way, and they are legion. The more ways my kid is perfectly typical, the happier I am for him.

I'm sorry to hear that. If you don't mind me asking, could you share a few of these? Many in my family are like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP ridiculous.

Your kids will only be held back by their dumb mother.

No need to be so rude. Why do you want to make another person feel bad for no reason?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My HS freshman is a very high achiever in a magnet program and taking college level courses next year. She wants a very complex and competitive job as an adult and I have no doubt she will reach or exceed her goals. She already has funds set aside for college, a home, grad school and a wedding. We have insured that she will remain upper middle class. Our youngest is a leader but just in elementary. We have set aside funds for her collegiate needs, and startup money for her businesses, and money for a home. This is what must be done to ensure your children have the highest chance of an amazing life. They are the only children in my bloodline as my only sibling passed before marriage and children. My father, who is UC, makes sure to supplement what we have already insured for our children.

Do you mean "ensured"? Not being snarky--just wondering, as I could see how your word choice works.

[Anonymous]

Are they attractive? Not ideal, but being good looking with a great personality can gain you a lot of opportunity that maybe you wouldn't get on merit alone.

[Anonymous]

No worries here coming from an average American middle class family. Kids attend desirable public schools. We have a nice home in a sought after suburb. We don't need to make millions to live our best life. We already live better than most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No worries here coming from an average American middle class family. Kids attend desirable public schools. We have a nice home in a sought after suburb. We don't need to make millions to live our best life. We already live better than most.

I'm pretty sure that they prospect of their children not being able to obtain that lifestyle for their children is the source of OP's anxiety. History is filled with the sound of silken slippers going downstairs, it still has truth if you have to work to maintain your lifestyle and aren't in a position to personally support your children.

[Anonymous]

Honestly yes but we are over-saving now to leave them money. We have 3 and if we died tomorrow, they’d each get around 2.5 million. Not enough to coast for life obv but a nice stepping stone.

[Anonymous]

If my kids are average in school, so be it. What makes me anxious is raising well-adjusted, resilient kids who love themselves. I have struggled with depression and ADHD and I do not want this for my kids. If they can stay mentally healthy, then the sky is the limit for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly yes but we are over-saving now to leave them money. We have 3 and if we died tomorrow, they’d each get around 2.5 million. Not enough to coast for life obv but a nice stepping stone.

This is the best answer. If you have the ability, forgo luxury for yourself and save save save now to give your kids a better life.

Education is no longer the path to future prosperity. Money and investment is. You need to be part of the investment class to do well now.

[Anonymous]

Im telling my kids to not have kids. The world is getting worse each decade and there is nothing good to come in the future.