My kids hate going to Dad's

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

No, you don’t get to dodge your financial responsibilities to your MINOR offspring if you’re so unpleasant that they don’t want to be around you.

As a minor, you don't get to dictate who your parents are. If you want to make grown up decisions, then you need to be a grown up and financially support yourself. This is why kids behave as they do. They have one parent who encourages this behavior to meet their needs, kids have to pick sides and then those same parents complain why Dad will not pay extras or college as he's not that child's father anymore. You cannot have it both ways. If you are choosing to terminate a relationship with a parent or the other parent, then that person terminating the relationship needs to grow up fast and support themselves or the other parent support them. No more Dad should mean no more money.

[Anonymous]

50/50 custody is horrible for kids.

[Anonymous]

My dad was an abusive alcoholic who drove drunk with us and ruined our childhoods. My mom couldn’t do anything about it. I would get your kids therapy and be a safe haven.

[Anonymous]

At 16 they can legally make their own choices (I think).

My son's friend was able to do so at age 16 (in the courts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

No, you don’t get to dodge your financial responsibilities to your MINOR offspring if you’re so unpleasant that they don’t want to be around you.

As a minor, you don't get to dictate who your parents are. If you want to make grown up decisions, then you need to be a grown up and financially support yourself. This is why kids behave as they do. They have one parent who encourages this behavior to meet their needs, kids have to pick sides and then those same parents complain why Dad will not pay extras or college as he's not that child's father anymore. You cannot have it both ways. If you are choosing to terminate a relationship with a parent or the other parent, then that person terminating the relationship needs to grow up fast and support themselves or the other parent support them. No more Dad should mean no more money.

Got it, so they have to pretend to like you in order for you to do what you’re legally supposed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

That’s a lot to put on the kids, if dad is hard to deal with. My mom made me keep going to my dad’s for visitation because we were all scared to stand up to him, OP. I am in my 40s, and I’m still a bit angry with her for never standing up for me. It might be irrational, because rationally I know parents get visitation. But on an emotional level I feel like it’s shitty that she got to move away from him but kept sending me back to him every other weekend, knowing exactly what he was like. It feels like she didn’t protect me.

Soooooo — don’t just leave it up to the kids. If they want to stop going to go less frequently, figure out a way to be their advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

No, you don’t get to dodge your financial responsibilities to your MINOR offspring if you’re so unpleasant that they don’t want to be around you.

As a minor, you don't get to dictate who your parents are. If you want to make grown up decisions, then you need to be a grown up and financially support yourself. This is why kids behave as they do. They have one parent who encourages this behavior to meet their needs, kids have to pick sides and then those same parents complain why Dad will not pay extras or college as he's not that child's father anymore. You cannot have it both ways. If you are choosing to terminate a relationship with a parent or the other parent, then that person terminating the relationship needs to grow up fast and support themselves or the other parent support them. No more Dad should mean no more money.

That's easy to correct - I mean why doesn't dad stop acting like an asshole? Why doesn't he stop commenting on how much kids are costing him?

You said you don't get to dictate who your parents are. Actually, you don't get to dictate who your parents are no matter what your age. What you CAN dictate, though, is what kind of relationship you're willing to have with your parent. Kids are free to dislike their parents. They are free to hate their parents (many teenagers do!) They are free to feel pain their parents cause them. And they are free to express all of this toward the parent. And they are also free to feel distant from their parents. You cannot force your children to love you, and you certainly cannot buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

No, you don’t get to dodge your financial responsibilities to your MINOR offspring if you’re so unpleasant that they don’t want to be around you.

As a minor, you don't get to dictate who your parents are. If you want to make grown up decisions, then you need to be a grown up and financially support yourself. This is why kids behave as they do. They have one parent who encourages this behavior to meet their needs, kids have to pick sides and then those same parents complain why Dad will not pay extras or college as he's not that child's father anymore. You cannot have it both ways. If you are choosing to terminate a relationship with a parent or the other parent, then that person terminating the relationship needs to grow up fast and support themselves or the other parent support them. No more Dad should mean no more money.

That's easy to correct - I mean why doesn't dad stop acting like an asshole? Why doesn't he stop commenting on how much kids are costing him?

You said you don't get to dictate who your parents are. Actually, you don't get to dictate who your parents are no matter what your age. What you CAN dictate, though, is what kind of relationship you're willing to have with your parent. Kids are free to dislike their parents. They are free to hate their parents (many teenagers do!) They are free to feel pain their parents cause them. And they are free to express all of this toward the parent. And they are also free to feel distant from their parents. You cannot force your children to love you, and you certainly cannot buy it.

If as a mom, you are advocating terminating the relationship with Dad, you need to take full financial and all other responsibility. If you believe a child is capable of making those decisions, great, help them get emancipated and let them support themselves if you are not willing. Lots of options. You should not except Dad to be an ATM without a relationship. Would you send a check to a stranger every month? Of course not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If as a mom, you are advocating terminating the relationship with Dad, you need to take full financial and all other responsibility. If you believe a child is capable of making those decisions, great, help them get emancipated and let them support themselves if you are not willing. Lots of options. You should not except Dad to be an ATM without a relationship. Would you send a check to a stranger every month? Of course not!

You are a predictable parrot with your "just terminate Dad's rights" ditty.

Having a relationship with your child is WORK. Fathers are not excepted from it, least of all fathers who who have 50/50 and have ample time and opportunity to build strong bonds with their children. If kids don't want to go to their father's house, the father should work on making them want it. Children are not performing monkeys.

You seem to have a very weird views of father/child relationship where fathers condition child support on having a good time with their children. It doesn't work that way. Raising a child is not like getting a massage where you can walk out if it doesn't feel good. There are times when it's hard and unpleasant, and parents need to work at it. Fathers are not exempt. If kids are recoiling from their father, he needs to work to repair the relationship - just like he would if they were under the same roof. Kids don't kiss hands and curtsy in exchange for coins anymore, you're about two hundred years late for that type of arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

No, you don’t get to dodge your financial responsibilities to your MINOR offspring if you’re so unpleasant that they don’t want to be around you.

As a minor, you don't get to dictate who your parents are. If you want to make grown up decisions, then you need to be a grown up and financially support yourself. This is why kids behave as they do. They have one parent who encourages this behavior to meet their needs, kids have to pick sides and then those same parents complain why Dad will not pay extras or college as he's not that child's father anymore. You cannot have it both ways. If you are choosing to terminate a relationship with a parent or the other parent, then that person terminating the relationship needs to grow up fast and support themselves or the other parent support them. No more Dad should mean no more money.

Wrong

You pay child support to maintain standard of living for the children until they are over 18.

If they don’t want to see you then honor that, find another custody arrangement/day/meal, or go to court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad was an abusive alcoholic who drove drunk with us and ruined our childhoods. My mom couldn’t do anything about it. I would get your kids therapy and be a safe haven.

That’s often all you can do with one unhealthy parent. Family court systems are often corrupt and defunct places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If as a mom, you are advocating terminating the relationship with Dad, you need to take full financial and all other responsibility. If you believe a child is capable of making those decisions, great, help them get emancipated and let them support themselves if you are not willing. Lots of options. You should not except Dad to be an ATM without a relationship. Would you send a check to a stranger every month? Of course not!

You are a predictable parrot with your "just terminate Dad's rights" ditty.

Having a relationship with your child is WORK. Fathers are not excepted from it, least of all fathers who who have 50/50 and have ample time and opportunity to build strong bonds with their children. If kids don't want to go to their father's house, the father should work on making them want it. Children are not performing monkeys.

You seem to have a very weird views of father/child relationship where fathers condition child support on having a good time with their children. It doesn't work that way. Raising a child is not like getting a massage where you can walk out if it doesn't feel good. There are times when it's hard and unpleasant, and parents need to work at it. Fathers are not exempt. If kids are recoiling from their father, he needs to work to repair the relationship - just like he would if they were under the same roof. Kids don't kiss hands and curtsy in exchange for coins anymore, you're about two hundred years late for that type of arrangement.

Its really sad that so many kids don't have fathers because of "mothers" like you.

It goes both ways. If a mother can take away contact/parenting time/visitation, a father should be allowed to take away child support. If the child is no longer your child, you shouldn't be obligated to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad was an abusive alcoholic who drove drunk with us and ruined our childhoods. My mom couldn’t do anything about it. I would get your kids therapy and be a safe haven.

That’s often all you can do with one unhealthy parent. Family court systems are often corrupt and defunct places.

It goes both ways. A mom can be very unhealthy and not meet the kids needs and refuse contact with Dad and there is little a court will do. A mother can spend the child support any way she'd like and not own the kid and its ok as there is no accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If as a mom, you are advocating terminating the relationship with Dad, you need to take full financial and all other responsibility. If you believe a child is capable of making those decisions, great, help them get emancipated and let them support themselves if you are not willing. Lots of options. You should not except Dad to be an ATM without a relationship. Would you send a check to a stranger every month? Of course not!

You are a predictable parrot with your "just terminate Dad's rights" ditty.

Having a relationship with your child is WORK. Fathers are not excepted from it, least of all fathers who who have 50/50 and have ample time and opportunity to build strong bonds with their children. If kids don't want to go to their father's house, the father should work on making them want it. Children are not performing monkeys.

You seem to have a very weird views of father/child relationship where fathers condition child support on having a good time with their children. It doesn't work that way. Raising a child is not like getting a massage where you can walk out if it doesn't feel good. There are times when it's hard and unpleasant, and parents need to work at it. Fathers are not exempt. If kids are recoiling from their father, he needs to work to repair the relationship - just like he would if they were under the same roof. Kids don't kiss hands and curtsy in exchange for coins anymore, you're about two hundred years late for that type of arrangement.

Its really sad that so many kids don't have fathers because of "mothers" like you.

It goes both ways. If a mother can take away contact/parenting time/visitation, a father should be allowed to take away child support. If the child is no longer your child, you shouldn't be obligated to pay.

Yes children are like chocolates to be served to their parents on porcelain plates.

Why doesn't the father behave in a way to make the children actually want to come?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad was an abusive alcoholic who drove drunk with us and ruined our childhoods. My mom couldn’t do anything about it. I would get your kids therapy and be a safe haven.

That’s often all you can do with one unhealthy parent. Family court systems are often corrupt and defunct places.

It goes both ways. A mom can be very unhealthy and not meet the kids needs and refuse contact with Dad and there is little a court will do. A mother can spend the child support any way she'd like and not own the kid and its ok as there is no accountability.

OP has 50/50 and her ex has equal time with the children.

Women pay child support too and men can spend it in other ways too.