My kids hate going to Dad's

[Anonymous]

At those ages, I would tell them they need to address that with their dad.

It sounds like dad wants more autonomy: he doesn’t want the kids tattling on him to you, and then having you step in and telling him how to parent.

So let him have that: he is wholly responsible for what happens at his house, and you don’t get involved. The kids can tell him why they don’t want to go over anymore, and he can have the conversation with them. It’s a good life skill for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

You are horrible. You block his time and then make him pay child support. You should terminate the child support if you are taking away his parental rights and time. If you want to be the sole parent, then be the sole parent and also pay for their needs.

This is why Dad's aren't involved. And, then you'll complain he will not pay for college or anything above child support. Why should he?

Well if he abuses the kids...

[Anonymous]

I wonder how much of the animosity that the kids say they feel for their father derives from OP bad mouthing him. It’s pretty obvious she hates the guy.

You’re doing your kids a disservice, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

You are horrible. You block his time and then make him pay child support. You should terminate the child support if you are taking away his parental rights and time. If you want to be the sole parent, then be the sole parent and also pay for their needs.

This is why Dad's aren't involved. And, then you'll complain he will not pay for college or anything above child support. Why should he?

Did you even read the post? She said she wouldn’t make CS modifications

Modifications. If she is the sole parent, she should pay for everything.

Dp. Isn’t it actually the opposite? The less custody you have the more you pay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how much of the animosity that the kids say they feel for their father derives from OP bad mouthing him. It’s pretty obvious she hates the guy.

You’re doing your kids a disservice, OP.

Oh please. Not op but way to project...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At those ages, I would tell them they need to address that with their dad.

It sounds like dad wants more autonomy: he doesn’t want the kids tattling on him to you, and then having you step in and telling him how to parent.

So let him have that: he is wholly responsible for what happens at his house, and you don’t get involved. The kids can tell him why they don’t want to go over anymore, and he can have the conversation with them. It’s a good life skill for everyone involved.

They are not peers and it is not a conversation of equals. So I don't know if the right approach is "let them duke it out."

I mean I suppose you can teach them to say, "well why don't you make more money? why are you so poor? if you made more money, it wouldn't have mattered to you. "

But I don't see that ending well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

[Anonymous]

Teenagers absolutely do get to pick which parent they want to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teenagers absolutely do get to pick which parent they want to live with.

They pick when they are grown/18 and can support themselves. You don't put kids in a position of picking a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

They have 50/50. It's just as easy for dad to convince kids that they love him. Why doesn't he? It's not like he has a day per month.

But OK. Let's take it through your eyes. Kids don't get to pick the parent. What would kids do if the parents were married and under one roof, and one parent was an asshole to them?

Talk back. Say mean things back. Refuse to talk and spend time with dad. I mean, the list goes on.

Maybe they should try that. I mean the ways in which teenage kids can ruin your day are an endless list. Kids don't owe you a good time with them.

[Anonymous]

What I would like to see happen is for the kids to go to a therapist with the dad and for the kids to talk about how the dad makes them feel and how that makes them not want to come over all the time, so that the dad has time to see and understand this. This is going to affect his relationship with his kids forever if he doesn't fix things.

Not sure the dad would do that. I wonder if the kids could watch a movie with the dad where the father is behaving similar to dad and talk afterwards about how that makes them feel? Anything to get the kids and dad talking together in an open way.

On the other hand, as the mom, I totally understand that it's not your job to facilitate this. I might talk to a lawyer to see what is possible in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At those ages, I would tell them they need to address that with their dad.

It sounds like dad wants more autonomy: he doesn’t want the kids tattling on him to you, and then having you step in and telling him how to parent.

So let him have that: he is wholly responsible for what happens at his house, and you don’t get involved. The kids can tell him why they don’t want to go over anymore, and he can have the conversation with them. It’s a good life skill for everyone involved.

Yes, welcome the neglect and abuse and tell the kids to as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With my ex, I would just start making excuses as to why kids can’t come this week, or can only be there on the weekend, minimizing their time with him. I would also assure him it won’t mean modifications in child support.
If it didn’t help, I would file for custody modification without child support modification (just yet) and see how he reacts. I get a sense that he is worried about money more than anything.

Great ideas. Although I think the kids could call themselves and tell him their busy. Or as some have expressed start meeting him for lunch on weekends, but come back home. Last resort is going to court. At those ages it's really up to the kids.

You don’t put kids in the middle. You are refusing for them to go. You take ownership. Kids don’t get to pick their parents.

At their age, kids do get to decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their parents.

If your child doesn't want to be around you, you can't make him.

If your child hates going to your house, you can't make him feel different.

You can only earn it.

No, they don't and its very easy for mom to convince kids that they don't want a relationship with Dad. You are probably the parent who did this. If Mom wants to be the only/sole parent, own up to it, go to court and terminate his rights and child support. If she is taking away his rights/time with the kids, he shouldn't have to pay for them. If kids get to choose not to see a parent, then the other parent who supports them should take full responsibility or if they are old enough to make adult decisions they can get a job and support themselves.

No, you don’t get to dodge your financial responsibilities to your MINOR offspring if you’re so unpleasant that they don’t want to be around you.

[Anonymous]

If you suspect abuse, call CPS.