Tutoring at Private Schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you read the thread, carefully and openly about the various reasons for using tutors, then your question is off base for a lot of cases of tutoring. For some children, who have remedial tutoring, yes they may become dependent, but I doubt the tutoring itself would cause that; rather, insecurities might be the cause. The idea of a tutor for remedial purposes is not to be a crutch but to help one stand on his or her own feet - just as if a child had individual help in school.

Really? Do you really believe that?

If your child needs special tutoring once or twice, then it could be advantageous. However, if your child needs constant tutoring over a long period of time, then he/she simply can not keep up with his/her peers.

[Anonymous]

This is not only a private school thing. Lots of public school families use tutors and educational programs like KUMON. I went to public school through intermediate school, which is how my parents could afford the "extras" like music lessons, academic tutoring, and even academic summer camps. If I had to choose between private school with no extra academic activities or public, I would choose our local public in a second! This wasn't about keeping up or doing what the neighbors did as it wasn't at all common at the time in our neighborhood. I certainly didn't need it to keep up (was always at the top of my class), but I found it fun and engaging. If they are so inclined, I would encourage my kids to do all that they can, and learn from as may sources as possible without overload, particularly when it comes to writing and math. My parents also spent a lot of time with me, not working on homework, which I did alone, but doing family projects that were intellectually engaging, and fun!

[Anonymous]

There have been many articles written about the tutoring phenomenon. Most of it unneeded and a result of overactive parent concern. So many parents want their children to have an advantage over all the other children and if there is a really smart child in the class, I have personally seen so many parents try to compete with that.

Quite frankly, if your child is being constantly tutored, either the school is not doing enough or your child is at a school that is not a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been many articles written about the tutoring phenomenon. Most of it unneeded and a result of overactive parent concern. So many parents want their children to have an advantage over all the other children and if there is a really smart child in the class, I have personally seen so many parents try to compete with that.

Quite frankly, if your child is being constantly tutored, either the school is not doing enough or your child is at a school that is not a good match.

"Quite frankly," I think that is BS, or at least one-sided. You point out one side, and as others have indicated, that isn't the whole story. And "many articles" on the one-side may have appeared, but so have "many articles" on the other side. [I'd provide citations, but you probably don't care since you didn't offer your own.] The whole swing toward mentoring in high schools, colleges, and the workforce suggest one-on-one can be extremely useful. Or would you say that is a crutch, and if you need mentoring in your workplace it is due to overactive concerns with your inability to get promoted on your own, or a bad fit with your corporation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If your child needs special tutoring once or twice, then it could be advantageous. However, if your child needs constant tutoring over a long period of time, then he/she simply can not keep up with his/her peers.

So what would you do about it? Have your child held back? Allow them to quit school? Seriously, what is the solution if a child "simply can not keep up with his/her peers"?

[Anonymous]

I think that the key word in the previous post was "constantly." At which point, I'd tend to agree.

Somebody that needed help from his/her mentor on every assignment would lose that mentor pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Fair enough. But to slam all tutoring by only accounting for the extreme is, well, bad argumentation. I think the thread has done a good job laying out a variety of scenarios. But - in good DCUM fashion - this PP fastened on to one reason to tarnish all the others.

[Anonymous]

One of the pro arguments for tutoring is that children learn differently - different styles, different rates, etc. There is no public or private school in the universe that can address all of the individual learning styles which is why traditional teaching cannot meet the needs of every kid. Numerous studies have shown that hands on learning, technology and teaching using interactive methods produces self-sufficient learners.

However, if a kid takes longer to learn a writing concept or master a crucial reading comprehension strategy, then tutoring can certainly come in handy. Why is is that parents will spend thousands of dollars on private music, sports, art, drama lessons, etc. and not blink an eye, but judge other parents when they CHOOSE to have their kids tutored?

Every parent wants the best for their kid, and the "best" is as subjective as the definition of the "best private school" in the DC area. Let's lend support to those who make the choice to have their kids tutored, whatever the reason. And, if they are having the genius from their kid's classroom privately tutored, then your kid will probably benefit too. Why? Because kids learn better from their peers than anyone else.

[Anonymous]

I'm seeing some examples of parents going wild here. Tutoring really is a trend today - and I'm talking about moderation not extremes.

How many of us were tutored when we were growing up? None that I know of.

If your child is being tutored for one area over the course of a year, I can see that as being fine. But if your child is doing well and you are pushing them far ahead of the other kids, that's called parent living through their child. And if your child is being tutored in many subjects, then maybe that school is not the best choice.

Like this forum, tutoring is just another example (again, in the extremes) of this competitive region. Not always done in the best interests of the child and often done for the comfort of the parent.

[Anonymous]

Of course the rich have always (well, at least for centuries) had tutors. What's new is that the trend has moved down the economic ladder. Probably a result, in part, of the privatization of public education under NCLB. The industry has gotten larger and its products more affordable -- e.g. Kumon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like most parenting issue, trust yourself to decide what's best.

No independent school will suggest that you get a tutor for your DC unless he/she is way behind or has a special need. For students doing just fine, most will probably slightly discourage it in the elementary grades because they don't want kids to burn out on learning. But every child and family is different and its up to us to decide what's best for them.

In our case, my 4th grader loves reading/writing. For a couple years, we've spent a $2-3K/year indulging her desire for riding lessons. When she expressed a desire to pursue an interest in literature last year, we got her a tutor. Yes, it's just reading and writing, but the tutor we found is a great teacher and DC is excited by the extra work. It would never make sense for any school to dive as deeply in to the subject or assign as much extra work as they are doing. Supporting an intellectual interest seems like a no-brainer when we wouldn't think twice about letting her be on a traveling soccer team or enter riding competitions that involve substantial time and money. As long as she shows a passion and a desire to work hard at something, we're going to find a way to help her. That's our job as parents.

"That's our job as parents". You might want to take your own advice and instead of hiring someone for your daughter to discuss and debate literature in depth, you actually, you know read the book , and then discuss it with her. Could you be any more lazy???

Most parents work for a living. So adding our own enrichment makes more sense than regular aftercare. By your logic, why have soccer coaches - you can just kick the ball around yourself. Why sign your kids up for piano lessons - teach them yourself. If you don't think a good teacher brings skills then I guess your only option would be to quit work and home school. A fine choice as long as its yours. But, for most of us, that doesn't work.

The part that fascinates me is why you would call names at someone who encourages other parents to trust their own judgement. What works for my family might not work for yours. No big deal. I'm sure you know how to raise your own kids better than I could, just as I do the best I can for mine. But to say I'm lazy for offering my child "extras" just doesn't make sense.

Do you always lash out at others who make different choices than you?
Is it important to you that everyone be the same?
If you ever feel the nasty bitterness is unproductive, therapy and medication can often be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Well put, 14:45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like most parenting issue, trust yourself to decide what's best.

No independent school will suggest that you get a tutor for your DC unless he/she is way behind or has a special need. For students doing just fine, most will probably slightly discourage it in the elementary grades because they don't want kids to burn out on learning. But every child and family is different and its up to us to decide what's best for them.

In our case, my 4th grader loves reading/writing. For a couple years, we've spent a $2-3K/year indulging her desire for riding lessons. When she expressed a desire to pursue an interest in literature last year, we got her a tutor. Yes, it's just reading and writing, but the tutor we found is a great teacher and DC is excited by the extra work. It would never make sense for any school to dive as deeply in to the subject or assign as much extra work as they are doing. Supporting an intellectual interest seems like a no-brainer when we wouldn't think twice about letting her be on a traveling soccer team or enter riding competitions that involve substantial time and money. As long as she shows a passion and a desire to work hard at something, we're going to find a way to help her. That's our job as parents.

"That's our job as parents". You might want to take your own advice and instead of hiring someone for your daughter to discuss and debate literature in depth, you actually, you know read the book , and then discuss it with her. Could you be any more lazy???

Most parents work for a living. So adding our own enrichment makes more sense than regular aftercare. By your logic, why have soccer coaches - you can just kick the ball around yourself. Why sign your kids up for piano lessons - teach them yourself. If you don't think a good teacher brings skills then I guess your only option would be to quit work and home school. A fine choice as long as its yours. But, for most of us, that doesn't work.

The part that fascinates me is why you would call names at someone who encourages other parents to trust their own judgement. What works for my family might not work for yours. No big deal. I'm sure you know how to raise your own kids better than I could, just as I do the best I can for mine. But to say I'm lazy for offering my child "extras" just doesn't make sense.

Do you always lash out at others who make different choices than you?
Is it important to you that everyone be the same?
If you ever feel the nasty bitterness is unproductive, therapy and medication can often be helpful.

Yes, I tend to call lazy parents lazy.

The kid is in 4th grade for goodness sakes. How in depth of a study of literature do you think she needs? She isn't seeking a Phd in it. Pick a good book desigend for that age level, read it also, and then discuss. The basic educated, professional working parent in the DC area should be more than capable of doing this and it should be something they would want to do and not consider it an "extra" Trying to compare the activity of reading a book and discussing it with your child vs. teaching a sports skill or a musical skill is silly.

[Anonymous]

Private schools charging $27-30K should be the first stop, and yes, they should be meeting your child where they are -- behind, in the middle or advanced. This is the least one will expect (and often receive) from a local DC Public School. It's curious no one names the schools in question, it's an anonymous forum. I'd be very interested in the grades and schools in question, a service to all to be more informed.

[Anonymous]

Agree that privates should essentially be meeting the needs of the majority of families unless the child needs some spot help or is truly working above grade level. Any school cannot possibly meet the exact needs of all children.

Tutoring is fine to a certain extent and when done in moderation to resolve a specific issue. Anything more is either having your child in a school in which they are in over their heads or a parent's selfish need for competitive winning. In either case, this is not good for the child in terms of either self-confidence or excessive pressure to succeed.

I have personally witnessed one family who started prepping their child for the SATs in early MS (weekly tutoring) and then watched at least 7 other families in that class do the same thing in response. Can't allow another child to get ahead of their own! All determined to have their kids take the tests multiple times in MS when the test scores don't get recorded to their records. And this is a K-8 school in which they are prepping their kids for college rather than getting them prepared for the SSATs which fall in a year.

For the school listed above that has half of the kids being tutored, I don't think it is about the school. I believe it is a case of parents trying to live their dreams through their children.

Much of today's rationale for tutoring is just insane and a reflection of how competive we all are in this region. We really need to make our kids' needs the priority and stop putting so much pressure on them.