Would you describe my baby as high-needs?

[Anonymous]

This is so interesting. My 11 month old has always been a good sleeper at night but fits all of the other elements - loves to be carried even though he can get around by himself well, knows if he doesn’t have my full attention, hates his car seat, and will usually cry if I leave him to go into another room even for a second. That being said, he generally has such a sweet personality that I figured this was just typical clinginess for a baby. Surprised to see so many people agree that these behaviors are high needs. That being said, I agree with the other posters who recommend finding ways to take breaks when you’re feeling really overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

This was my first (my second DD is ten months and the exact opposite of this). It's good and bad. She's intense. She's stubborn. It's a double edged sword for children with this personality (my daughter can be her own worst enemy), but it can be a lot as a parent.

[Anonymous]

I've had 3 kids and she sounds like a pretty standard issue baby to me.

Maybe slightly overtired. How much sleep is she getting each day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is ten-months-old. It took until 8 mo this to get her to STTN but now she sleeps well. All milestones on track or a bit early. 2nd child.

She needs constant attention and/or engagement or she screams. She seems to know if you’re looking at her or not and she call for us (ma ma ma ma) or scream. She wants to be carried everywhere although she’s a good crawler. She screams in the stroller and car seat. She will not let us put a spoon in her mouth - she has to feed herself. She will not sit through one book.

She’s breaking me!

She's stubborn, but I wouldn't describe this as high needs. That would be colic, reflux, naps not coming together, special needs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first (and only) was like that and still is in many ways. Very similar -- didn't STTN until about 9 months, wanted to be held all the time, but also wanted to be independent on stuff like feeding right from the start. It's definitely a personality thing. I had a friend and my therapist (I used to take DD to therapy appointments when she was very little) refer to her as "high needs" and I guess she probably is. I don't have a point of comparison.

One thing I've learned as she's gotten older, though, is that if I channel my efforts with her carefully, she can actually be more independent and easier than other kids her age. She's always been better at solo play than her peers, for instance, because she started her "I want to do this myself!" phase very early and I just... let her. I also introduced activities that are easy to do alone early on -- she LOVES coloring and painting and anything art-focused, because it's something she can lose herself in and doesn't need help or collaboration to do.

I would also say that as she got older, it became a lot easier to set limits with her and that just makes it easier to deal with stuff like the screaming when she wants to be held. With an 8 mo, if she screams you are probably going to pick her up every time because she's a baby. With a 2 year old? You can just say "Honey, my arms are full at the moment and you know how to walk, so you're just going to have to walk." She'll protest at times but she also has the cognition to get it, and I can reason with her and explain things and it gets easier.

We have had to work with a behavioral therapist on stuff like potty training, though. Mostly because the conventional wisdom does not work for a kid like this -- when we tried to potty train the way most people tell you to (the Oh Crap method people on DCUM raved about) our kid just about lost her mind. So just remember you have to parent the kid you have, and just because it worked for someone else's kid (or for your other kid) does NOT mean it's going to work for this one. Sounds like you are already figuring that out.

You find their currency. I've found that some kids (boys and girls) love underwear with ruffles, others like princesses or superheroes, others like trucks. I let them mess them up once and show them that it's yucky and can stain. Then I tell them that they can wear the underwear each day unless they wet or mess them, then no more until the next day. Within a short time, a child who wants to wear special undies and go special places (places that we can't change diapers) will train, especially if you do it before 2.