Would you describe my baby as high-needs?

[Anonymous]

I had a similar baby and signing was SO helpful for us. She knew more, please, help, milk, eat, all done, dog, mom, and dad.

I found it really interesting that even when she was easily speaking full sentences, she would always revert back to signing whenever she was really upset or tired.

[Anonymous]

Who cares what we think. I remember asking the same thing years ago, and DCUM made me feel bad about decrying my baby as difficult. You know OP!

[Anonymous]

Yes your baby is high maintenance. You also said she is breaking you so it’s time to make changes. If you need to walk away walk away. I went outside on my deck a couple of times when I needed a baby break and just breathed for a few minutes, then went in calmer. Try picking her up less for starters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is ten-months-old. It took until 8 mo this to get her to STTN but now she sleeps well. All milestones on track or a bit early. 2nd child.

She needs constant attention and/or engagement or she screams. She seems to know if you’re looking at her or not and she call for us (ma ma ma ma) or scream. She wants to be carried everywhere although she’s a good crawler. She screams in the stroller and car seat. She will not let us put a spoon in her mouth - she has to feed herself. She will not sit through one book.

She’s breaking me!

This was mine plus other issues. ALWAYS on the go. Once he was walking he did not want the stroller or baby carrier. It was him walking but usually running. Around 15 months we were averaging at least 1 mile a day walk and on weekends 1-2 miles around the neighborhood. Books were not an option until very recently. He is almost 3.5 and will now spend 30 minutes reading books on his own. If we read with him, he will spend more than that. He did want constant attention and interaction. Very flitty. Everything was exciting and new and lets go explore. He wanted to see what was going on.

Go outside. As much as humanly possible. Its the best stimulation there is. Hikes, walks, splashpads, set up a baby pool under a tree with different cups, tumble mats, climbing toys/nugget like stuff, gymboree open gym (dont do structured classes dear god what a waste of time and money), shape toys, music making toys. Try stroller walks at the mall and places where she can people watch. Car seat was awful until we used nursery music and singing and got a mirror so he could see us and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I can relate. The BEST thing we did when my dd was that age was start to teach her baby sign. She had so much she wanted to communicate and couldn’t. Once she knew some signs it helped until she could talk.

She’s currently a sensitive, somewhat anxious, very bright and creative teen.

Which signs did you teach? We do more; all done; help. What others, if you recall?

We did all of those and also milk, water, please. And then a whole slew of random ones we learned from the Signing Time videos (bird, airplane, a bunch of different foods). She didn’t “need” to know the random ones like bird, but she really calmed down when she could express herself. Like a pp said, when she was tired she would revert back to signs when she already could talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first (and only) was like that and still is in many ways. Very similar -- didn't STTN until about 9 months, wanted to be held all the time, but also wanted to be independent on stuff like feeding right from the start. It's definitely a personality thing. I had a friend and my therapist (I used to take DD to therapy appointments when she was very little) refer to her as "high needs" and I guess she probably is. I don't have a point of comparison.

One thing I've learned as she's gotten older, though, is that if I channel my efforts with her carefully, she can actually be more independent and easier than other kids her age. She's always been better at solo play than her peers, for instance, because she started her "I want to do this myself!" phase very early and I just... let her. I also introduced activities that are easy to do alone early on -- she LOVES coloring and painting and anything art-focused, because it's something she can lose herself in and doesn't need help or collaboration to do.

I would also say that as she got older, it became a lot easier to set limits with her and that just makes it easier to deal with stuff like the screaming when she wants to be held. With an 8 mo, if she screams you are probably going to pick her up every time because she's a baby. With a 2 year old? You can just say "Honey, my arms are full at the moment and you know how to walk, so you're just going to have to walk." She'll protest at times but she also has the cognition to get it, and I can reason with her and explain things and it gets easier.

We have had to work with a behavioral therapist on stuff like potty training, though. Mostly because the conventional wisdom does not work for a kid like this -- when we tried to potty train the way most people tell you to (the Oh Crap method people on DCUM raved about) our kid just about lost her mind. So just remember you have to parent the kid you have, and just because it worked for someone else's kid (or for your other kid) does NOT mean it's going to work for this one. Sounds like you are already figuring that out.

Hi! I know this is old but wondering if you might be able to recommend a behavioral therapist. I am in a similar situation!

[Anonymous]

4 our of my 5 friends with two kids had a similar experience with their seconds. Our theory is that the second kid sees the first kid doing more things. (i.e. eating indepently), is competing for your full attention (wants to be held). It goes better for alll of us once they started confidently walking!

[Anonymous]

PP here and agree on singing. Both our kids really ramped up signing between 10-12 months and it's SO much better for them to have a solid means of communication. We always start with eat, drink (or milk), more, all done, mom, and dad. They also eventually knew dog, cat, diaper, help me, thank you, book.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry and your baby does sound difficult. I wouldn’t use the phrase high-need personally but that’s because I know several babies who could sit up, crawl, feed themselves, etc. by the 18 month mark.

[Anonymous]

PP who could NOT sit up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I can relate. The BEST thing we did when my dd was that age was start to teach her baby sign. She had so much she wanted to communicate and couldn’t. Once she knew some signs it helped until she could talk.

She’s currently a sensitive, somewhat anxious, very bright and creative teen.

Which signs did you teach? We do more; all done; help. What others, if you recall?

We did all of those and also milk, water, please. And then a whole slew of random ones we learned from the Signing Time videos (bird, airplane, a bunch of different foods). She didn’t “need” to know the random ones like bird, but she really calmed down when she could express herself. Like a pp said, when she was tired she would revert back to signs when she already could talk.

+1. Baby sign language is amazing. I laughed at it and thought it was some dumb tiger mom trend but it is SO helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, and I can relate. The BEST thing we did when my dd was that age was start to teach her baby sign. She had so much she wanted to communicate and couldn’t. Once she knew some signs it helped until she could talk.

She’s currently a sensitive, somewhat anxious, very bright and creative teen.

Which signs did you teach? We do more; all done; help. What others, if you recall?

When teaching sign to a child without language skills you start with items they want regularly. Avoid signs like help, more, all done because they’re too general and won’t hold much meaning or will be overused. Most kids this age you will have to use modified sign as fine motor skills aren’t developed.

[Anonymous]

That is super high needs in my book.

[Anonymous]

My first was like this. Definitely an extrovert and very smart (skipped a grade). My second is much more chill, happy to interact or to play on her own. She's bright but nowhere near as smart as my first.

[Anonymous]

I had one of these, OP. He was/is bright, sensitive, and wanted lots of engagement. Beyond the first 3 months there was no snuggling him to sleep, if he was with you, he was ON. Hated the car seat so much that we switched to a convertible at 4 months. Hated the stroller from the get-go. I would set out for long walks but didn't make it more than 15 minutes before he started to fuss. There was no just ignoring him or letting him cry for longer, either. He STTN at 9 months but was an early riser (5am). Didn't take more than 23-minute naps as a baby. Only required 9-10 hours of sleep at night. Oh and he started with the whole stranger-danger thing at 12 weeks. He walked at 9 months and met pretty much every milestone early.

He's 8 now and he is an absolute joy. He still can't fall asleep if we are laying in bed with him. He talks a lot. He is social and sensitive and very socially aware, and is just excited about life and takes on new experiences with joy. He is a well-rounded kid. Oh, and he is a great sleeper now.

"The books" aren't always right-- there are many kids who don't do what the books tell us they should. It's not your fault. My biggest piece of advice would be to embrace the baby you have instead of killing yourself trying to fit her into the standard mold/what she "should" be.