Would you kick out an adult child with depression?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very sympathetic to people with depression, and I know that sometimes parents expect their kids to do normal things like contribute to household chores when the kids literally cannot do that.

But I also know a life with too much ease can contribute to depression.

I would error on the side of sympathy, but it’s a really tough call to make. I don’t envy anybody in that position.

Pls a life in zero contributions or productivity equals more depression.

Most people want to be needed and to contribute. Even from age 2 on. Like Montessori school. They want to be functioning, give them more and more times to function.

I completely agree. The question here is whether you'd kick them out if they refused to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see myself kicking out my own kid for depression and inability to function. But if I helped them seek treatment and they were resistant to it and the ways with which I'm helping, then that might be a different conversation. But I wouldn't put someone who's not doing well out to fend for themselves.

+1 I've personally known 2 families who made that decision with their sons. Both committed suicide. Very hard decision, but I wouldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substitute “depression” for “cancer.” Keep everything else in the post the same. How would you answer, OP and others?

So, the person is refusing cancer treatment, but is presumably creating a situation in which the parents must take care of the person...until they die?

I think the refusing treatment is the key element in this discussion, regardless of the disease in question.

Well, in that first scenario, would you really kick out the kid?

Also, getting treatment for cancer is much, much easier than getting treatment for depression.

We have one side with pretty bad aspergers. It’s destroyed marriages, parent/child relationships, employability, anxiety, depression, lies, excuses, delusions. It’s a nightmare and many without it cut off most ties. The other half live in a small silo in their house mainly. One or two wives stayed in it (husband and sons with the hfs asd) and they are shells of their former selves. It’s almost like they are all insane now and impossible to talk with, go to dinner with, or do anything outside the house with. None got therapy as children or adults. Only the current generation had neuropsychs and diagnoses, on the way to divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very sympathetic to people with depression, and I know that sometimes parents expect their kids to do normal things like contribute to household chores when the kids literally cannot do that.

But I also know a life with too much ease can contribute to depression.

I would error on the side of sympathy, but it’s a really tough call to make. I don’t envy anybody in that position.

Pls a life in zero contributions or productivity equals more depression.

Most people want to be needed and to contribute. Even from age 2 on. Like Montessori school. They want to be functioning, give them more and more times to function.

I completely agree. The question here is whether you'd kick them out if they refused to do it.

I would disassociate with them if they lived in my house and on my dime. I am not a psychologist or a doctor or a fulltime nurse. You can’t save everyone. Hire a professional. Caretaking mentally disordered relatives is no joke. It’s soul sucking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very sympathetic to people with depression, and I know that sometimes parents expect their kids to do normal things like contribute to household chores when the kids literally cannot do that.

But I also know a life with too much ease can contribute to depression.

I would error on the side of sympathy, but it’s a really tough call to make. I don’t envy anybody in that position.

Pls a life in zero contributions or productivity equals more depression.

Most people want to be needed and to contribute. Even from age 2 on. Like Montessori school. They want to be functioning, give them more and more times to function.

I completely agree. The question here is whether you'd kick them out if they refused to do it.

I would disassociate with them if they lived in my house and on my dime. I am not a psychologist or a doctor or a fulltime nurse. You can’t save everyone. Hire a professional. Caretaking mentally disordered relatives is no joke. It’s soul sucking.

You would stop talking to your kid and pay someone to help them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they didn't contribute to housework, work, or get treatment.

Not a situation that I'm experiencing. I read posts where posters implied that was an option and am wondering what most people think.

Chronic depression or anxiety is a second order condition. That means it’s a result or negative coping mechanism of an underlying condition or disorder.
Diagnose and treat them both, the underlying issue and the resulting depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very sympathetic to people with depression, and I know that sometimes parents expect their kids to do normal things like contribute to household chores when the kids literally cannot do that.

But I also know a life with too much ease can contribute to depression.

I would error on the side of sympathy, but it’s a really tough call to make. I don’t envy anybody in that position.

Pls a life in zero contributions or productivity equals more depression.

Most people want to be needed and to contribute. Even from age 2 on. Like Montessori school. They want to be functioning, give them more and more times to function.

I completely agree. The question here is whether you'd kick them out if they refused to do it.

I would disassociate with them if they lived in my house and on my dime. I am not a psychologist or a doctor or a fulltime nurse. You can’t save everyone. Hire a professional. Caretaking mentally disordered relatives is no joke. It’s soul sucking.

You would stop talking to your kid and pay someone to help them?

What’s to talk about?

We must not be on the same page with how dire things are or could be. Have you quit your job, your career, your friends, your other disordered relatives to try to save a disordered adult child? Maybe I know a lot of women who have. Even when the child was young. They quit everything to sacrifice for said child and young adult. Do you want to know the results? You don’t. Your stop repeating your same question 10 x on this thread.

Go join some meetup groups on the subject. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your answer is/was yes or yes depending on the circumstances, would you still do the same if they:

a) were experiencing suicidal thoughts or/and
b) would not look for a place to live, live in housing for homeless people, or accept your help to find a place?

Get them off the internet and way from internet influencers.

There are many clinics to check in to for 2-12 months. Consider moving as well if they have bad influences or friend groups, or no friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see myself kicking out my own kid for depression and inability to function. But if I helped them seek treatment and they were resistant to it and the ways with which I'm helping, then that might be a different conversation. But I wouldn't put someone who's not doing well out to fend for themselves.

+1 I've personally known 2 families who made that decision with their sons. Both committed suicide. Very hard decision, but I wouldn't do it.

You also don’t know if these men would have committed suicide in any case.

There is also a cost to the family in having someone living with them that has untreated mental illness and is not contributing to the family unit, including the cost of the mental health of the other members of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very sympathetic to people with depression, and I know that sometimes parents expect their kids to do normal things like contribute to household chores when the kids literally cannot do that.

But I also know a life with too much ease can contribute to depression.

I would error on the side of sympathy, but it’s a really tough call to make. I don’t envy anybody in that position.

Pls a life in zero contributions or productivity equals more depression.

Most people want to be needed and to contribute. Even from age 2 on. Like Montessori school. They want to be functioning, give them more and more times to function.

I completely agree. The question here is whether you'd kick them out if they refused to do it.

I would disassociate with them if they lived in my house and on my dime. I am not a psychologist or a doctor or a fulltime nurse. You can’t save everyone. Hire a professional. Caretaking mentally disordered relatives is no joke. It’s soul sucking.

You would stop talking to your kid and pay someone to help them?

What’s to talk about?

We must not be on the same page with how dire things are or could be. Have you quit your job, your career, your friends, your other disordered relatives to try to save a disordered adult child? Maybe I know a lot of women who have. Even when the child was young. They quit everything to sacrifice for said child and young adult. Do you want to know the results? You don’t. Your stop repeating your same question 10 x on this thread.

Go join some meetup groups on the subject. Good luck.

No one is doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see myself kicking out my own kid for depression and inability to function. But if I helped them seek treatment and they were resistant to it and the ways with which I'm helping, then that might be a different conversation. But I wouldn't put someone who's not doing well out to fend for themselves.

+1 I've personally known 2 families who made that decision with their sons. Both committed suicide. Very hard decision, but I wouldn't do it.

You also don’t know if these men would have committed suicide in any case.

There is also a cost to the family in having someone living with them that has untreated mental illness and is not contributing to the family unit, including the cost of the mental health of the other members of the family.

DP. What impact do you think that this would have on the others, compared to the impact that being kicked out could have for the person with depression?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they didn't contribute to housework, work, or get treatment.

Not a situation that I'm experiencing. I read posts where posters implied that was an option and am wondering what most people think.

Weird hypothetical question if you’re not even going through it.

Our neighbor is. The husband, a surgeon, just took a 1 year leave of absence to help and focus on the child and his mental medical treatments. The wife is helpful too but has an even more demanding job that can’t be covered for as easily. They both work in life sciences so struggle knowing the range of outcomes and how hard it is but they are going to give it their best shot right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see myself kicking out my own kid for depression and inability to function. But if I helped them seek treatment and they were resistant to it and the ways with which I'm helping, then that might be a different conversation. But I wouldn't put someone who's not doing well out to fend for themselves.

+1 I've personally known 2 families who made that decision with their sons. Both committed suicide. Very hard decision, but I wouldn't do it.

You also don’t know if these men would have committed suicide in any case.

There is also a cost to the family in having someone living with them that has untreated mental illness and is not contributing to the family unit, including the cost of the mental health of the other members of the family.

DP. What impact do you think that this would have on the others, compared to the impact that being kicked out could have for the person with depression?

You mean what happens to the other healthy children or teens when the vast majority of the time, energy, money, talking, and effort goes towards the mentally ill child? Or when the mentally ill person is rude and nasty to caretakers, siblings and parents? Or god forbid starts abusing drugs as well?

Lots happens. Lots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very sympathetic to people with depression, and I know that sometimes parents expect their kids to do normal things like contribute to household chores when the kids literally cannot do that.

But I also know a life with too much ease can contribute to depression.

I would error on the side of sympathy, but it’s a really tough call to make. I don’t envy anybody in that position.

Pls a life in zero contributions or productivity equals more depression.

Most people want to be needed and to contribute. Even from age 2 on. Like Montessori school. They want to be functioning, give them more and more times to function.

I completely agree. The question here is whether you'd kick them out if they refused to do it.

I would disassociate with them if they lived in my house and on my dime. I am not a psychologist or a doctor or a fulltime nurse. You can’t save everyone. Hire a professional. Caretaking mentally disordered relatives is no joke. It’s soul sucking.

You would stop talking to your kid and pay someone to help them?

What’s to talk about?

We must not be on the same page with how dire things are or could be. Have you quit your job, your career, your friends, your other disordered relatives to try to save a disordered adult child? Maybe I know a lot of women who have. Even when the child was young. They quit everything to sacrifice for said child and young adult. Do you want to know the results? You don’t. Your stop repeating your same question 10 x on this thread.

Go join some meetup groups on the subject. Good luck.

No one is doing that.

Someone in here definitely keeps asking similar basic questions over and over. Maybe it’s a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see myself kicking out my own kid for depression and inability to function. But if I helped them seek treatment and they were resistant to it and the ways with which I'm helping, then that might be a different conversation. But I wouldn't put someone who's not doing well out to fend for themselves.

+1 I've personally known 2 families who made that decision with their sons. Both committed suicide. Very hard decision, but I wouldn't do it.

You also don’t know if these men would have committed suicide in any case.

There is also a cost to the family in having someone living with them that has untreated mental illness and is not contributing to the family unit, including the cost of the mental health of the other members of the family.

DP. What impact do you think that this would have on the others, compared to the impact that being kicked out could have for the person with depression?

You mean what happens to the other healthy children or teens when the vast majority of the time, energy, money, talking, and effort goes towards the mentally ill child? Or when the mentally ill person is rude and nasty to caretakers, siblings and parents? Or god forbid starts abusing drugs as well?

Lots happens. Lots.

In those cases, it's understandable if the parent wants the child to move out, as long as they are working with them to help them get treatment.

Do you have empathy for people with depression?