Is Breastfeeding Worth It?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

it’s possible they were cranky because they were hungry. I’m not totally sure if research shows persuasively if bottle fed babies sleep better; and you never know what kind of baby you will get. But what I can tell you is that YOU will get a lot more rest if your DH or someone else handles a night feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With breastfeeding, people's results vary. The payment is up front (first weeks and months) and the benefits come later. I agree with the advice to try first.

In traditional societies when breastfeeding worked, it was due to robust direct support (aunts, sisters, friends, etc). In our society this support comes from lactation consultants and breastfeeding groups, like the one at the Breastfeeding Center. I wouldn't abandon it until you've gotten support and advice first.

but those “payments” come at absolutely the most costly time for the woman and infant - when she’s exhausted and depleted, and when the infant most needs adequate nutrition and hydration. I felt like the upfront payments were too much, and nothing but relief later on when we switched to mostly formula.

Your experience is completely valid. I am so glad that you switched to formula and felt better after you did so.

That said, please don’t generalize and discount. For me personally, breastfeeding helped me recover from my C-section and PPD, because once I got it, it made me feel confident and “like I was really being a mom.” There were so many things after my emergency C-section that weren’t what I had expected or wanted; breastfeeding made me feel like I was connecting with my baby. The physical sensation of the hormone release helped me to heal, physically and emotionally.

Again, some more: every mother’s experience is going to vary. I fully support formula feeding and would never discount the benefits. Please don’t discount and generalize when it comes to the benefits of breastfeeding for someone else, including the mother physically feeling better in the first few weeks! Those hormones, for me, were powerfully bonding and helped me to sleep better.

eh, you can show me the research on that, and maybe I’ll believe you then. What we know for certain is that sleep deprivation is extremely harmful, and most approaches to exclusive breastfeeding these days entail the mother’s sleep deprivation - sometimes to extremes, like getting up to pump even after the babt STTN, or elaborate triple-feeding schemes that mean every feed is an hour for the mother, 3x/night.

Oh, I’m sorry…I thought OP was asking for personal experience and personal advice from women here on DCUM. I failed to realize this was a formal clinical study-swap. My bad.

Anyway, OP, I found personally through lived experience that breastfeeding made ME feel better and was one of MY favorite parts of the early weeks. I know many women who loved breastfeeding, too. But I’m secure enough and not hyper-defensive on my view, so I can also tell you that I know some women who did not feel that way. So mileage does vary, and I hope that you find the approach that makes you feel most confident, cared for, and connected to your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

OP, I hope that you take the time to read some infant sleep books to get a better sense of reality.

“The Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep” by Dr. Harvey Karp is excellent, as is “The Sleep Lady’s Goodnight, Sleep Tight” by Kim West, RN.

[Anonymous]

If it works for you, great. If not, it's better to do formula than drive yourself crazy trying to make it work.

I breastfed and pumped (pumping was the best because I actually got to sleep). When DS was 5 MO I got super sick with bronchitis. Was laid up for a week and my supply tanked. I spent another miserable 3 months trying to make it work before DH and my best friend staged an intervention because they were seriously concerned. For my mental health. I definitely regret falling into that "breast is best" mindset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With breastfeeding, people's results vary. The payment is up front (first weeks and months) and the benefits come later. I agree with the advice to try first.

In traditional societies when breastfeeding worked, it was due to robust direct support (aunts, sisters, friends, etc). In our society this support comes from lactation consultants and breastfeeding groups, like the one at the Breastfeeding Center. I wouldn't abandon it until you've gotten support and advice first.

but those “payments” come at absolutely the most costly time for the woman and infant - when she’s exhausted and depleted, and when the infant most needs adequate nutrition and hydration. I felt like the upfront payments were too much, and nothing but relief later on when we switched to mostly formula.

Your experience is completely valid. I am so glad that you switched to formula and felt better after you did so.

That said, please don’t generalize and discount. For me personally, breastfeeding helped me recover from my C-section and PPD, because once I got it, it made me feel confident and “like I was really being a mom.” There were so many things after my emergency C-section that weren’t what I had expected or wanted; breastfeeding made me feel like I was connecting with my baby. The physical sensation of the hormone release helped me to heal, physically and emotionally.

Again, some more: every mother’s experience is going to vary. I fully support formula feeding and would never discount the benefits. Please don’t discount and generalize when it comes to the benefits of breastfeeding for someone else, including the mother physically feeling better in the first few weeks! Those hormones, for me, were powerfully bonding and helped me to sleep better.

eh, you can show me the research on that, and maybe I’ll believe you then. What we know for certain is that sleep deprivation is extremely harmful, and most approaches to exclusive breastfeeding these days entail the mother’s sleep deprivation - sometimes to extremes, like getting up to pump even after the babt STTN, or elaborate triple-feeding schemes that mean every feed is an hour for the mother, 3x/night.

Oh, I’m sorry…I thought OP was asking for personal experience and personal advice from women here on DCUM. I failed to realize this was a formal clinical study-swap. My bad.

Anyway, OP, I found personally through lived experience that breastfeeding made ME feel better and was one of MY favorite parts of the early weeks. I know many women who loved breastfeeding, too. But I’m secure enough and not hyper-defensive on my view, so I can also tell you that I know some women who did not feel that way. So mileage does vary, and I hope that you find the approach that makes you feel most confident, cared for, and connected to your baby.

I think OP is more interested in generalizing than your outlier experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

OP, I hope that you take the time to read some infant sleep books to get a better sense of reality.

“The Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep” by Dr. Harvey Karp is excellent, as is “The Sleep Lady’s Goodnight, Sleep Tight” by Kim West, RN.

nah, Ferber is king.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

LOL, OK. I have two children. Both were breastfed. My oldest slept through the night at 5 months, the second at 6 months. They both were clockwork-mappers, both at home and at daycare. They could sleep anywhere, including in hotels, at daycare, and at grandma’s house.

But it sounds like you are an expert on parenting and babies, so enjoy knowing it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

it’s possible they were cranky because they were hungry. I’m not totally sure if research shows persuasively if bottle fed babies sleep better; and you never know what kind of baby you will get. But what I can tell you is that YOU will get a lot more rest if your DH or someone else handles a night feeding.

Who said husband can’t handle a night feed while breastfeeding? I didn’t even have to pump. My supply was high and he would do a bottle of formula or pumped milk (from when I pumped at work) and it was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

OP, I hope that you take the time to read some infant sleep books to get a better sense of reality.

“The Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep” by Dr. Harvey Karp is excellent, as is “The Sleep Lady’s Goodnight, Sleep Tight” by Kim West, RN.

OP here. I have read that book along with several others. I still don’t think it’s wrong to sleep train a newborn. I’m not talking about letting a newborn CIO. I’m talking about having him sleep on his own as much as possible and not having him get used to being held for naps, sleeping in crib from day 1, putting him down and letting him fuss for 5-10 minutes. This won’t happen right away but I think at at 2+ months it’s possible. I do plan to sleep train and put him on a flexible schedule at 4 months old. I have friends who sleep trained with CIO at 2 months old and their babies are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

OP, I hope that you take the time to read some infant sleep books to get a better sense of reality.

“The Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep” by Dr. Harvey Karp is excellent, as is “The Sleep Lady’s Goodnight, Sleep Tight” by Kim West, RN.

nah, Ferber is king.

For those who can stand hearing their baby scream. My babies “fussed to sleep,” but never cried for more than 3 minutes. But you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

LOL, OK. I have two children. Both were breastfed. My oldest slept through the night at 5 months, the second at 6 months. They both were clockwork-mappers, both at home and at daycare. They could sleep anywhere, including in hotels, at daycare, and at grandma’s house.

But it sounds like you are an expert on parenting and babies, so enjoy knowing it all.

OP here. I’m not saying I know it all. I’m only speaking from my experience of family and friends kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

it’s possible they were cranky because they were hungry. I’m not totally sure if research shows persuasively if bottle fed babies sleep better; and you never know what kind of baby you will get. But what I can tell you is that YOU will get a lot more rest if your DH or someone else handles a night feeding.

Who said husband can’t handle a night feed while breastfeeding? I didn’t even have to pump. My supply was high and he would do a bottle of formula or pumped milk (from when I pumped at work) and it was no big deal.

That’s you but many women don’t have “ high” supplies and can’t go long stretches at night without it decreasing their supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

OP, I hope that you take the time to read some infant sleep books to get a better sense of reality.

“The Happiest Baby Guide to Sleep” by Dr. Harvey Karp is excellent, as is “The Sleep Lady’s Goodnight, Sleep Tight” by Kim West, RN.

OP here. I have read that book along with several others. I still don’t think it’s wrong to sleep train a newborn. I’m not talking about letting a newborn CIO. I’m talking about having him sleep on his own as much as possible and not having him get used to being held for naps, sleeping in crib from day 1, putting him down and letting him fuss for 5-10 minutes. This won’t happen right away but I think at at 2+ months it’s possible. I do plan to sleep train and put him on a flexible schedule at 4 months old. I have friends who sleep trained with CIO at 2 months old and their babies are fine.

Um, those books ARE about sleep training your baby, in a very gentle and flexible way. So I don’t get why you’re saying they are not sleep training guides. What you’re describing—sleeping on own as much as possible and not getting used to be held for naps, etc., even letting fuss for a few minutes—is literally, exactly what both of those books are all about. Did you actually read those books?

Two months is a complete stretch for this. Three months is more realistic, but whatever. You sound like you’re going to figure some things out real fast. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

LOL, OK. I have two children. Both were breastfed. My oldest slept through the night at 5 months, the second at 6 months. They both were clockwork-mappers, both at home and at daycare. They could sleep anywhere, including in hotels, at daycare, and at grandma’s house.

But it sounds like you are an expert on parenting and babies, so enjoy knowing it all.

OP here. I’m not saying I know it all. I’m only speaking from my experience of family and friends kids.

That’s…not experience.

[Anonymous]

With my 3rd, I slept next to him every night. Tried the bassinet once or twice. I slept enough to feel ok, by far, my easiest postpartum recovery.

He slept thru the night at about 6-7 months. Starting going to sleep on his own in his crib at about 4 months.

OP you don’t need to commit to anything. Just try smx be flexible in your approach.