Is Breastfeeding Worth It?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Breastfeeding was the singular thing with my first baby that went right. It was easy, painless, and he gained weight immediately and quickly. Everything else went poorly - I healed poorly and was in pain for a long time, I had severe PPD/A, was in an abusive relationship, No support network because I was far from my own family, and it was absolutely the worst year of my life.

Without breastfeeding I don’t think I’d have bonded with my son at all, so I’m glad I did it.

That said, if you’re in a good relationship and have support from family and friends, none of that will be true for you. Do what works for you. Don’t worry about what anyone else says.

There's a myth that all babies in traditional societies thrived and were without breastfeeding problem. This isn't true, many babies died and many babies starved.

If OP or any other woman wants to try breastfeeding that's awesome. But this earth mother myth of this idealistic traditional society of perfectly functioning breastfeeding needs to die.

I am not perpetuating any myths. My experience was that breastfeeding was the singular thing that went well post birth. My son was also nearly 9lbs at birth so only nursed every 4 hours.

I understand that’s not everyone’s experience - and I don’t judge. If formula works for you, feed formula. If breastfeeding is important, breastfeed. If combo feeding is what works for your family, great. Just don’t give a newborn soda or fast food and I have no issues with how any family handles feeding a baby.

Just sharing that breastfeeding isn’t always painful and hard at first. It can be easy from the beginning - you won’t know if you don’t try. If you don’t want to try though, then don’t and feed formula from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

No, it was not worth it for me. Especially not worth the effort I put into pumping when I returned to work. It was uncomfortable, exhausting, and my baby never got quite enough. The medical benefits are minimal/non-existant based on sibling studies. The vast majority of pro-breastfeeding ideas floating around are propaganda that ignore the costs to the mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer breastfeeding. There were no bottles/nipples/caps to wash/sterilize and keep track of. No making bottles in the middle of the night, I’d just roll over, latch baby on and we’d both fall back to sleep. I had a few latch issues early on but went to a lactation consultant and she helped me figure it out. I find breastfeeding so much easier and more convenient than bottlefeeding.

Some people are not comfortable co-sleeping. It’s not safe and it’s not recommended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With breastfeeding, people's results vary. The payment is up front (first weeks and months) and the benefits come later. I agree with the advice to try first.

In traditional societies when breastfeeding worked, it was due to robust direct support (aunts, sisters, friends, etc). In our society this support comes from lactation consultants and breastfeeding groups, like the one at the Breastfeeding Center. I wouldn't abandon it until you've gotten support and advice first.

but those “payments” come at absolutely the most costly time for the woman and infant - when she’s exhausted and depleted, and when the infant most needs adequate nutrition and hydration. I felt like the upfront payments were too much, and nothing but relief later on when we switched to mostly formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

[Anonymous]

OP based on your post, you sound like the type who wants to do everything right and by the book. That’s fine - but it also puts you highly at risk of being sucked into the breastfeeding dogma world. There are any number of books, blogs, gadgets, and professionals more than happy to take up your energy and money in pursuit of the “goal” of breastfeeding. But feeding your child has no goal other than a happily fed child. Breastfeeding has minimal demonstrated benefits. Even if it is “best,” good parenting never means exhausting your resources to obtain ever-smaller increments of improvement. You’re probably not going to grow your own wheat to grind to make flour and bread … you’re going to buy a loaf in the store. Same for formula.

If you like breastfeeding and have adequate supply - great! If not, formula is great too!

Highly suggest you check out the Fed is Best blog and Facebook page for evidence bases infant feeding info.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to breastfeed but it was much harder than I thought. You can’t really decide these things before you meet the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With breastfeeding, people's results vary. The payment is up front (first weeks and months) and the benefits come later. I agree with the advice to try first.

In traditional societies when breastfeeding worked, it was due to robust direct support (aunts, sisters, friends, etc). In our society this support comes from lactation consultants and breastfeeding groups, like the one at the Breastfeeding Center. I wouldn't abandon it until you've gotten support and advice first.

but those “payments” come at absolutely the most costly time for the woman and infant - when she’s exhausted and depleted, and when the infant most needs adequate nutrition and hydration. I felt like the upfront payments were too much, and nothing but relief later on when we switched to mostly formula.

Your experience is completely valid. I am so glad that you switched to formula and felt better after you did so.

That said, please don’t generalize and discount. For me personally, breastfeeding helped me recover from my C-section and PPD, because once I got it, it made me feel confident and “like I was really being a mom.” There were so many things after my emergency C-section that weren’t what I had expected or wanted; breastfeeding made me feel like I was connecting with my baby. The physical sensation of the hormone release helped me to heal, physically and emotionally.

Again, some more: every mother’s experience is going to vary. I fully support formula feeding and would never discount the benefits. Please don’t discount and generalize when it comes to the benefits of breastfeeding for someone else, including the mother physically feeling better in the first few weeks! Those hormones, for me, were powerfully bonding and helped me to sleep better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

sleep training can be done while breastfeeding. I think the more important point is that exclusive breastfeeding is exhausting during the newborn phase, and that exhaustion can set you on the road to more exhaustion and mental health issues. A divide and conquer approach where dad feeds a bottle of pumped or formula milk at night so mom can get at least 6 hrs of sleep is really crucial IMO. you can’t really sleep train effectively until 4 months, and a woman can get really, really exhausted if she’s been getting up constantly until then. Especially if a sadistic lactation consultant made her get up to pump.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

sleep training can be done while breastfeeding. I think the more important point is that exclusive breastfeeding is exhausting during the newborn phase, and that exhaustion can set you on the road to more exhaustion and mental health issues. A divide and conquer approach where dad feeds a bottle of pumped or formula milk at night so mom can get at least 6 hrs of sleep is really crucial IMO. you can’t really sleep train effectively until 4 months, and a woman can get really, really exhausted if she’s been getting up constantly until then. Especially if a sadistic lactation consultant made her get up to pump.

Most women can’t go 6 hours without feeding or pumping in the newborn stages or else they will lose some of their supply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

You obviously have it all figured out and need no advice. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a schedule oriented person. It seems snowy breastfeed babies don’t through the night until much later than formula fed babies. The family and friends that breastfed has babies who could only fall asleep being nursed, never slept more than 2-3 hours at a time well past 1 year, never learned to self-soothe, etc. They were very clingy, high needs babies. Most were super cranky because they were never getting adequate sleep. The formula fed babies were great sleepers, on schedules, and always happy. I don’t want to breastfeed because I’m afraid that will lead my child to becoming clingy and never sleep. I’m not willing to co-sleep as my husband and I don’t think it’s safe at all.

+ breastfed, not snowy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With breastfeeding, people's results vary. The payment is up front (first weeks and months) and the benefits come later. I agree with the advice to try first.

In traditional societies when breastfeeding worked, it was due to robust direct support (aunts, sisters, friends, etc). In our society this support comes from lactation consultants and breastfeeding groups, like the one at the Breastfeeding Center. I wouldn't abandon it until you've gotten support and advice first.

but those “payments” come at absolutely the most costly time for the woman and infant - when she’s exhausted and depleted, and when the infant most needs adequate nutrition and hydration. I felt like the upfront payments were too much, and nothing but relief later on when we switched to mostly formula.

Your experience is completely valid. I am so glad that you switched to formula and felt better after you did so.

That said, please don’t generalize and discount. For me personally, breastfeeding helped me recover from my C-section and PPD, because once I got it, it made me feel confident and “like I was really being a mom.” There were so many things after my emergency C-section that weren’t what I had expected or wanted; breastfeeding made me feel like I was connecting with my baby. The physical sensation of the hormone release helped me to heal, physically and emotionally.

Again, some more: every mother’s experience is going to vary. I fully support formula feeding and would never discount the benefits. Please don’t discount and generalize when it comes to the benefits of breastfeeding for someone else, including the mother physically feeling better in the first few weeks! Those hormones, for me, were powerfully bonding and helped me to sleep better.

eh, you can show me the research on that, and maybe I’ll believe you then. What we know for certain is that sleep deprivation is extremely harmful, and most approaches to exclusive breastfeeding these days entail the mother’s sleep deprivation - sometimes to extremes, like getting up to pump even after the babt STTN, or elaborate triple-feeding schemes that mean every feed is an hour for the mother, 3x/night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cannot sleep train a newborn. In fact, you wake a newborn every few hours to eat, so they gain weight. Beyond that, there is not much scheduling to do and I have seen some parents be extremely cruel because their kid inevitably needs them at an unscheduled time. Please adjust your expectations. Please be there for your kid.

There is plenty for your partner to do, even if you are feeding - bring you the baby, change the baby, get the baby back to sleep. Many people find breastfeeding easier than making up a bottle. I enjoyed it and loved the closeness I felt with my baby. If it doesn't work for you, that's fine. Some people can't or don't want to, and as long as baby is fed and loved it doesn't matter.

But -- having a baby is hard. It will disrupt your sleep. It will change your roles in your marriage, at least temporarily. I am more worried about your expectations than about whether you breastfeed.

OP here. I disagree about sleep training a newborn. I know they wake up every 2-3 hours in the beginning, but they should be sleeping through the night by 6 months old. You can still do things to teach good sleep habits. It’s not cruel to sleep train or put your child on a schedule.

I don’t really see the point of my husband waking up if I’m getting up. Not trying to be rude but why have two sleep deprived parents? He also works and needs his sleep.

sleep training can be done while breastfeeding. I think the more important point is that exclusive breastfeeding is exhausting during the newborn phase, and that exhaustion can set you on the road to more exhaustion and mental health issues. A divide and conquer approach where dad feeds a bottle of pumped or formula milk at night so mom can get at least 6 hrs of sleep is really crucial IMO. you can’t really sleep train effectively until 4 months, and a woman can get really, really exhausted if she’s been getting up constantly until then. Especially if a sadistic lactation consultant made her get up to pump.

Most women can’t go 6 hours without feeding or pumping in the newborn stages or else they will lose some of their supply.

And that’s my point. Most women (aka people) need to get 6 hrs of sleep at least, and going weeks or months without it is harmful. We completely disregard the woman’s health.