Anyone else feel socially awkward in mom groups but not in the other parts of life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The great news is that you don't have to make mom friends. There's no reason to join these mom groups or make friends with the mothers of your children's friends. None.

I'm shy, but have benefitted so much from being friends or at least friendly aquaintances with my kids' friends' parents. Especially during the pandemic, those were the only families my kids really saw. Thankfully most of the parents are low key. Nobody really gossips, except in positive ways.

Maybe my out-of-fashion clothes help filter out the competitive ones or those that mostly care about appearances

+1

Look for the kind, real, down to earth ones, OP - don't bother with the mean, persnickety, gossipy, "appearances before all else" ones who look like they are on the down low. It's not real life, and people worth hanging out with down have time for that, truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The great news is that you don't have to make mom friends. There's no reason to join these mom groups or make friends with the mothers of your children's friends. None.

I'm shy, but have benefitted so much from being friends or at least friendly aquaintances with my kids' friends' parents. Especially during the pandemic, those were the only families my kids really saw. Thankfully most of the parents are low key. Nobody really gossips, except in positive ways.

Maybe my out-of-fashion clothes help filter out the competitive ones or those that mostly care about appearances

Here too. Lol and I never considered my overly casual appearance being of benefit. Nice to know old joggers help!

[Anonymous]

I am a white woman in a predominantly.white neighborhood- the moms who appear to me to be much friendlier are the moms of color or foreigners. I'm guessing we all feel like outsiders...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you, OP. Your gut instinct is picking up on what is happening and it is recoiling. Honor how you feel. Playground mom groups -- or any mom groups -- are nothing but a viper pit. A wolf pack of women loudly backstabbing the mom who is not there that day, and her kids. Seriously. Stay away from them, don't invest anything is those people. Keep your distance. I sure did. Zero regrets.

--A long-time SAHM

While this may be true in your experience, I don't think the issue is really about SAHMs or backstabbing or overt pettiness. Even in perfectly civil "nice" groups I have experienced, sometimes for years (comprised mostly of WOHMs FWIW), there is often an undercurrent of competition and judgment (even if it never really manifests) that seems to impede real friendships. At least for me.

[Anonymous]

All the women I know who complain about "mom groups" and "PTA types" are insanely insecure and think people are judging them/thinking about them ALL THE TIME. Get some confidence people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the women I know who complain about "mom groups" and "PTA types" are insanely insecure and think people are judging them/thinking about them ALL THE TIME. Get some confidence people!

Lol. This is entirely not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the women I know who complain about "mom groups" and "PTA types" are insanely insecure and think people are judging them/thinking about them ALL THE TIME. Get some confidence people!

Lol. This is entirely not true.

+1 it is the opposite!

[Anonymous]

I'm a WOHM and I've found the friendliest, most down to earth, nice moms to be the girl scout moms. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to do what I think is a thankless job (which is why I don't lead a troop), and the women who lead and volunteer my girls' troops are super nice and have been there for us when we needed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a WOHM and I've found the friendliest, most down to earth, nice moms to be the girl scout moms. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to do what I think is a thankless job (which is why I don't lead a troop), and the women who lead and volunteer my girls' troops are super nice and have been there for us when we needed it.[/quot

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you, OP. Your gut instinct is picking up on what is happening and it is recoiling. Honor how you feel. Playground mom groups -- or any mom groups -- are nothing but a viper pit. A wolf pack of women loudly backstabbing the mom who is not there that day, and her kids. Seriously. Stay away from them, don't invest anything is those people. Keep your distance. I sure did. Zero regrets.

--A long-time SAHM

While this may be true in your experience, I don't think the issue is really about SAHMs or backstabbing or overt pettiness. Even in perfectly civil "nice" groups I have experienced, sometimes for years (comprised mostly of WOHMs FWIW), there is often an undercurrent of competition and judgment (even if it never really manifests) that seems to impede real friendships. At least for me.

I have to agree with PP. BTDT. The women are all snakes on the down low. When you have nothing in common but your children, the chit chat more often than not leads to the next most obvious thing in common - the other moms. Having these mom friends is nice in that your children have activities and other kids to play with but don’t be fooled. They are not your friends in a genuine way. They are friends of utility much like classmates or coworkers. Proceed with caution and know they’re probably talking about you and/or your kid when you aren’t there.

Granted, there are a few gems here and there but these big mom cliques you are hanging out together on FB are 100% drama and exactly what I describe above. Don’t feel bad, OP.

[Anonymous]

You see hanging out on FB*

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM (and an immigrant) and I NEVER EVER joined a mom's group. The whole idea sounded ludicrous to me. What does a mom's group even mean?

I never felt that my kids had to be "socialized" with other kids. They got socialized with whoever they ran into - cousins, neighbors, family members, my friends etc. Yes, we went to the zoo, aquarium, parks, cinema, restaurants, birthday parties and sometimes we went with our friends who had kids. But it was mainly for us to catch up with the friends while still taking the kids with us. There was no expectation that the kids will learn to "socialize" with each other. They interacted with each other in the most organic manner.

Sure, I signed up for "mom and me" classes but that was all. I have a large group of people we socialize with friends, neighbors, coworkers, family...and that socializing was enough for my kids. Once they started to go to school they made friends and I was always an involved mama who volunteered to throw parties, be class parent, chaperone field trips. I am even friends with some parents whose kids are friends with my kids. But this whole "mom's group" vibe is weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (and an immigrant) and I NEVER EVER joined a mom's group. The whole idea sounded ludicrous to me. What does a mom's group even mean?

I never felt that my kids had to be "socialized" with other kids. They got socialized with whoever they ran into - cousins, neighbors, family members, my friends etc. Yes, we went to the zoo, aquarium, parks, cinema, restaurants, birthday parties and sometimes we went with our friends who had kids. But it was mainly for us to catch up with the friends while still taking the kids with us. There was no expectation that the kids will learn to "socialize" with each other. They interacted with each other in the most organic manner.

Sure, I signed up for "mom and me" classes but that was all. I have a large group of people we socialize with friends, neighbors, coworkers, family...and that socializing was enough for my kids. Once they started to go to school they made friends and I was always an involved mama who volunteered to throw parties, be class parent, chaperone field trips. I am even friends with some parents whose kids are friends with my kids. But this whole "mom's group" vibe is weird to me.

You do have a mom group, it just happened organically. In fact that’s how most happen (for better or worse). How else do you hang out in these cliques? I’m not sure where there’s a sign up sheet to hang out with other kids parents at the playground.

[Anonymous]

Yes, b/c they are usually pretty F-ing boring!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM (and an immigrant) and I NEVER EVER joined a mom's group. The whole idea sounded ludicrous to me. What does a mom's group even mean?

I never felt that my kids had to be "socialized" with other kids. They got socialized with whoever they ran into - cousins, neighbors, family members, my friends etc. Yes, we went to the zoo, aquarium, parks, cinema, restaurants, birthday parties and sometimes we went with our friends who had kids. But it was mainly for us to catch up with the friends while still taking the kids with us. There was no expectation that the kids will learn to "socialize" with each other. They interacted with each other in the most organic manner.

Sure, I signed up for "mom and me" classes but that was all. I have a large group of people we socialize with friends, neighbors, coworkers, family...and that socializing was enough for my kids. Once they started to go to school they made friends and I was always an involved mama who volunteered to throw parties, be class parent, chaperone field trips. I am even friends with some parents whose kids are friends with my kids. But this whole "mom's group" vibe is weird to me.

People join these groups when they are living in an area where they don't know a lot of parents. This occurs a lot in the DC area because many people have moved here from elsewhere. It sounds like you already had friends and family living nearby.