Anyone else feel socially awkward in mom groups but not in the other parts of life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It is awful. So I found other people to hang out with. Mom group felt very similar to high school. Connected because of motherhood but beyond that not much. Anxieties about looks and clothes and weight and hair added to similar stuff about food for baby and clothes and once school starts--the issues all of us face are different and there is always the braggy one or two. You know, the people on facebook whose lives look amazing. Yuck.

+1

Stay away form the "cultivated social media" type moms because they are the most fake, IRL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here OP. I have no advice. I run huge meetings and do well at work, but I freeze and choke on the playground. In my neighborhood for 4 years and not a single mom friend - I’m starting to worry my kids will be left out of everything.

See, I’m the total opposite. I feel like I’m socially awkward everywhere *except* with the moms and dads at a playgroup, and if I tried to run a huge meeting at work I would crash and burn. For some reason I feel comfortable getting sociable and chatty with the other moms, and always try to be friendly and inclusive because I know how much it sucks to be that person on the periphery not knowing what to say.

I do live in an area that is slightly more laidback, so I will add the caveat that I’m not dealing with icy, detached “strivers”, just normal people.

Same here! I wish I had the same ease at the playgroup at work. I think it's because there's something we have in common -- kids and school -- and so you can start off discussion neutral stuff about that. Also because I am more comfortable with the focus being off me -- so if we're talking kid stuff, easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I notice people like you. If they seem otherwise cool, I generally try to draw them out and pull them into the group. If they can't do it, I might try to hang out one on one, to see if that makes them more comfortable, but if after that they can't get comfortable with the group, I give up.

Need more moms like you

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat, I'm a lot older than a lot of the moms of my kids' friends, and just have different experiences and interests as a result. I confess to not trying too hard at it either because I know I can always fall back on my work community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, I'm a lot older than a lot of the moms of my kids' friends, and just have different experiences and interests as a result. I confess to not trying too hard at it either because I know I can always fall back on my work community.

Similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a new area where the majority of moms are SAHM and I’m struggling to connect with them.

I only had this issue when I was briefly a SAHM in this area and all the mom groups recommended were very, very WASPy and pretty close to UMC. I hooked up with Mocha Moms after a month and it was such a breathe of fresh air.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you, OP. Your gut instinct is picking up on what is happening and it is recoiling. Honor how you feel. Playground mom groups -- or any mom groups -- are nothing but a viper pit. A wolf pack of women loudly backstabbing the mom who is not there that day, and her kids. Seriously. Stay away from them, don't invest anything is those people. Keep your distance. I sure did. Zero regrets.

--A long-time SAHM

[Anonymous]

Yeah I go to pick up my kids at school and half the time I’m just sort of standing around waiting by myself. I feel a little bad about it but the thought of trying to join a cliquish convo is really unappealing. I feel bad sometimes but then look around and see others hanging back, like me. Sometimes I’ll find an acquaintance by herself and approach to have a chatty convo, sometimes someone finds me to chat. But I definitely don’t go to school pickup and make a beeline for the social groups like some folks do!

[Anonymous]

It’s sort of a competitive environment. Mom vs. mom. Not overtly, but that puts a strain on dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Ha, just happened to me again today. I just have no idea what to say.

[Anonymous]

I was also a brief SAHM while we relocated and waited for clearances to be approved before could work again. It was nice having the time with the kids and it was a new experience not having to rush around to and from work. I tried participating in the school districts mom group but didn’t last long. The moms seemed so unhappy, always complaining about their kids, so anxious about their milestones and sports and mostly hated their husband. We all have issues but it was like a cesspool of negativity. I never felt good after they were over.

[Anonymous]

I don’t do well in moms groups. I see them assessing one another rather than being present. It’s weird and I’m not into that. I don’t think it’s a way to connect. Give me the hot mess moms and/or the ones that don’t need to make constant chitchat. The ones who laugh at dumb jokes and themselves. Or at least let their smiles reach their eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a new area where the majority of moms are SAHM and I’m struggling to connect with them.

I only had this issue when I was briefly a SAHM in this area and all the mom groups recommended were very, very WASPy and pretty close to UMC. I hooked up with Mocha Moms after a month and it was such a breathe of fresh air.

Sadly it does matter. I tried so hard with moms in my neighborhood who were all white. Once my kid started elementary school, I met some moms at back to school night, and the ones that came right over to me and introduced themselves were women of color. And now they're among my only mom friends in the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The great news is that you don't have to make mom friends. There's no reason to join these mom groups or make friends with the mothers of your children's friends. None.

Yes! All of my friend are parents in different stages of parenting and doing great at it but is not their entire identify. The moms who are hard for me to relate to are the ones who’ve given up their own identify and are living vicariously through their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The great news is that you don't have to make mom friends. There's no reason to join these mom groups or make friends with the mothers of your children's friends. None.

I'm shy, but have benefitted so much from being friends or at least friendly aquaintances with my kids' friends' parents. Especially during the pandemic, those were the only families my kids really saw. Thankfully most of the parents are low key. Nobody really gossips, except in positive ways.

Maybe my out-of-fashion clothes help filter out the competitive ones or those that mostly care about appearances