Only one sexual partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a female, and DH is my only. I sometimes want to know what it's like to be with someone else, but I'd never do it because it would hurt DH and blow up our marriage.

you already know that you would feel upset if he did this even if you give him a hallpass, so don't do it.

Why not have a three some? Then you could be involved, too. I would hire someone, rather than pick someone up, and the reason I say this is because there is less chance that the 3rd person would turn this into something personal rather than professional. Plus, the professional would know what she's doing and how she can make it exciting for you both.

A threesome is just another form of hall pass. Why should OP do that?

You speak as if a one-time threesome would satisfy whatever OP's DH is wanting. If so--you're pretty naive. Once OP said yes to a threesome, he likely would want to do it again or, if he felt uncomfortable with his wife watching him/participating, he would just start having sex with other women without OP there. Because she said yes to the threesome, once.

It will open up the floodgates, basically, even if he swears "one time will let me work out all my curiosity and we won't do it again."

As for "exciting for you both," from OP's post it sounds as if she is the kind of person who wants sex with someone she cares about and has a history with. That's her DH. The professional basically would be a sex toy for them both. Maybe OP doesn't want that, and isn't going to be turned on by a woman whether OP is watching or participating.

I've seen these "just have a threesome to keep DH happy" posts on these forums before. They seem to assume that the DW should be OK with a threesome with a DH and another woman, as if straight women secretly are going to be just fine with, eventually turned on by, sex involving another woman. It's just not something to assume about everyone. .I think that's a male fantasy.

eh.. I'm not saying OP should be ok with it. I just threw that out there as an alternative for OP. She can take it or leave it.

It may or may not open the floodgates for her DH. Only OP knows her DH well enough to know this about her DH.

I would not be happy if my DH wanted to sleep with other people, just as I'm sure DH wouldn't be happy if I wanted to. But, DH knows that he was my only, and if I did express to him my desire to experience something different, he would understand my feelings but he wouldn't want me to act on them.

A threesome would be a way for OP's DH to get some more experience while OP is involved. If OP doesn't like the idea, then of course she doesn't have to do it.

[Anonymous]

Married too young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FWIW, I’ve known many, MANY men who regretted sleeping around before getting married. My xH slept around a lot in his 20s/early 30s, and after we got married he felt really bad about it for a long time. Said it felt like he had dishonored our marriage, and that it all sucked in comparison to what we had. I have friends whose husbands have expressed similar feelings.

I am a man, and I feel the same as your ex.

Once you mature you realize how much you risked your health. That's the big one right there. Then you realize you wasted a lot of a time with nitwits you shouldn't have given the time of day to. People who haven't matured without a solid foundation often sleep around. I applaud those who changed. Sadly, there are many who never get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the knowing that one has permission to explore is enough.

I didn’t have a whole lot of experience when my wife and I got together, she definitely did and right around the time we start having kids I started seeing my life slip away and felt bad about it. I explained how I was feeling to my wife and that this was in no way related to how I felt about her or our sex life together but I never got to do some of the stuff lots of my friends did. She understood and said that if the opportunity ever came up for casual sex with someone else it would be fine with her; she only asked that I use protection and not continue more than once for fear that it will lead to an entanglement.

The knowledge that I have a permit for screwing around is more than enough and I’ve never used it since it was issued 15 years ago.

Your wife is extremely patient because I'm pretty sure I would have kicked your ass to a new zip code if you started this nonsense while I was pregnant and dealing with newborns and toddlers, breastfeeding and sleepless nights etc.

+1 to the reply here.

The post above reads like it's either some guy's fantasy of what he wishes his DW had said, or if it were real, the DW is so fed up with him that she's glad to have him stop wanting sex with her.

He's trying to be touching and sweet by adding "the knowledge it was OK for me to screw around is all I needed!" I rolled my eyes so hard, they nearly popped out of my head. If this is for real, which is doubtful, he still would use it in a heartbeat if he had a real chance and he knows it.

What I didn’t write here in my previous post is that I might as well have married tattooed across my forehead, I have zero game and I couldn’t pull off a one time casual thing if my life depended on it. My wife telling me I can sleep with someone else is basically like me telling you that you can have all the treasure at the bottom of the ocean, great, but you don’t know how to get it…well neither do I.

[Anonymous]

My husband had been the only partner I'd ever had. He had an affair 14 years into our marriage. I divorced him.

My god, I've had the best sex of my life since then. I had no idea what I was missing. So anyway, if your husband wants to play games with you, just know your life will be OK and perhaps even better than before.

[Anonymous]

Lots of crazy responses

Totally normal for him to want to sleep with others. Every single man wants to sleep with women other than his wife.

I think being at least open to the conversation can help keep the idea of lifelong monogamy in check. Like, if he thinks he will never EVER sleep with another that can be devastating. But being open-minded about a potential one day is enough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband had been the only partner I'd ever had. He had an affair 14 years into our marriage. I divorced him.

My god, I've had the best sex of my life since then. I had no idea what I was missing. So anyway, if your husband wants to play games with you, just know your life will be OK and perhaps even better than before.

I can relate! I was married 25 years and thought the sex was good. Well, the last five years or so there was almost no sex, but before that I thought it was good but what did I know? I got married at 18 and he was not my first but almost. Anyway, after my divorce I was in a three year relationship with a guy and OMG what a difference in the quality of the sex! I had no idea it could be that great! I will say though that I did not implode my marriage to get better sex. I waited until my kids were grown and we parted amicably and are still friends.

[Anonymous]

To all the PPs saying how great sex was after divorce, of course! It's novelty that creates desire and great sex. Women are just finding out what men have known forever. Nothing beats strange

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I’ve known many, MANY men who regretted sleeping around before getting married. My xH slept around a lot in his 20s/early 30s, and after we got married he felt really bad about it for a long time. Said it felt like he had dishonored our marriage, and that it all sucked in comparison to what we had. I have friends whose husbands have expressed similar feelings.

no man honestly thinks this … they may say it, but it’s not true.

“Boo hoo, I regret getting laid,” Yeah, right, why would a guy say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the knowing that one has permission to explore is enough.

I didn’t have a whole lot of experience when my wife and I got together, she definitely did and right around the time we start having kids I started seeing my life slip away and felt bad about it. I explained how I was feeling to my wife and that this was in no way related to how I felt about her or our sex life together but I never got to do some of the stuff lots of my friends did. She understood and said that if the opportunity ever came up for casual sex with someone else it would be fine with her; she only asked that I use protection and not continue more than once for fear that it will lead to an entanglement.

The knowledge that I have a permit for screwing around is more than enough and I’ve never used it since it was issued 15 years ago.

gee, thanks for saving some 🐈 for the rest of us. Lol. I’m sure the panties were hitting your face left and right, huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I’ve known many, MANY men who regretted sleeping around before getting married. My xH slept around a lot in his 20s/early 30s, and after we got married he felt really bad about it for a long time. Said it felt like he had dishonored our marriage, and that it all sucked in comparison to what we had. I have friends whose husbands have expressed similar feelings.

no man honestly thinks this … they may say it, but it’s not true.

“Boo hoo, I regret getting laid,” Yeah, right, why would a guy say that?

maybe he realizes he was basically a man-whore and feels ashamed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I’ve known many, MANY men who regretted sleeping around before getting married. My xH slept around a lot in his 20s/early 30s, and after we got married he felt really bad about it for a long time. Said it felt like he had dishonored our marriage, and that it all sucked in comparison to what we had. I have friends whose husbands have expressed similar feelings.

no man honestly thinks this … they may say it, but it’s not true.

“Boo hoo, I regret getting laid,” Yeah, right, why would a guy say that?

maybe he realizes he was basically a man-whore and feels ashamed?

he feels ashamed because he had sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Show him the statistics of STDs of those who are sexually immoral. He is openly expressing a desire to commit adultery. There are consequences to opening that door. Do your best to keep it locked shut. If he is seeking adventure, plan a romantic outing, go skinny dipping or something to dispel these thoughts. Feed him a cheeseburger and drop pickles into his mouth.

Whut? I'm not going to take any advice from someone who uses the phrase "sexually immoral" and gets turned on by pickles. And I really like pickles...just not in that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he suggested opening the relationship, he's already cheated/cheating. 🙁

that’s exactly what I was thinking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the knowing that one has permission to explore is enough.

I didn’t have a whole lot of experience when my wife and I got together, she definitely did and right around the time we start having kids I started seeing my life slip away and felt bad about it. I explained how I was feeling to my wife and that this was in no way related to how I felt about her or our sex life together but I never got to do some of the stuff lots of my friends did. She understood and said that if the opportunity ever came up for casual sex with someone else it would be fine with her; she only asked that I use protection and not continue more than once for fear that it will lead to an entanglement.

The knowledge that I have a permit for screwing around is more than enough and I’ve never used it since it was issued 15 years ago.

Your wife is extremely patient because I'm pretty sure I would have kicked your ass to a new zip code if you started this nonsense while I was pregnant and dealing with newborns and toddlers, breastfeeding and sleepless nights etc.

+1 to the reply here.

The post above reads like it's either some guy's fantasy of what he wishes his DW had said, or if it were real, the DW is so fed up with him that she's glad to have him stop wanting sex with her.

He's trying to be touching and sweet by adding "the knowledge it was OK for me to screw around is all I needed!" I rolled my eyes so hard, they nearly popped out of my head. If this is for real, which is doubtful, he still would use it in a heartbeat if he had a real chance and he knows it.

What I didn’t write here in my previous post is that I might as well have married tattooed across my forehead, I have zero game and I couldn’t pull off a one time casual thing if my life depended on it. My wife telling me I can sleep with someone else is basically like me telling you that you can have all the treasure at the bottom of the ocean, great, but you don’t know how to get it…well neither do I.

This is charming- you have more game than you realize.