Only one sexual partner

[Anonymous]

Me and my husband have been together since our early 20s and are each other’s only sexual partners and serious relationship. We’re very much in love and he’s a wonderful husband and father. We’re in our mid thirties and I sometimes feel bad like he would like to experience other sexual partners. I see him looking at other women and he mentioned before how he would be ok if both of us opened our relationship up. However he would never want to hurt me. I just don’t know if I can do this as I’d be very jealous but I’m torn and don’t want him to feel he’s missing out because he really is the best person and my best friend. I know he’d never cheat but wondering others opinion on this.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel bad. He should have done that before marriage.

[Anonymous]

Give each other 1 month of don’t ask don’t tell. Then either end your relationship or end your DADT arrangement.

[Anonymous]

If he suggested opening the relationship, he's already cheated/cheating. 🙁

[Anonymous]

Please don’t feel you should open it up in the fear that he’ll cheat. As someone mentioned, if he’s already talking about it, it’s likely he’s done something and is seeking permission after the fact. I hope I’m wrong, but that’s a typical scenario.

My DH is my only sexual partner (together nearly 35 years), but he had many before me. He used to be concerned that I’d cheat or want to experience someone else, but I reassured him that I have no interest in going outside the marriage. From our conversations, I understand that he struggled with not wanting to feel he was keeping me from some important experience.

[Anonymous]

Do not feel that you “owe” him the opportunity to be w/another woman just because he never has.

That would be super-flawed logic.
His answer to “opening up” the marriage is very telling however.
While his honesty IS refreshing > I would have an issue w/my spouse telling me that if they COULD, that they would like to sleep w/another person & would be okay w/me doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any interest in exploring other partners?

[Anonymous]

Op here- I honestly don’t have any interest Bc I feel our sex life is pretty good and we have a strong emotional connection.

[Anonymous]

If my H suggested opening up the relationship for whatever reason, I’d open the door and kick him out.

FWIW, I’ve known many, MANY men who regretted sleeping around before getting married. My xH slept around a lot in his 20s/early 30s, and after we got married he felt really bad about it for a long time. Said it felt like he had dishonored our marriage, and that it all sucked in comparison to what we had. I have friends whose husbands have expressed similar feelings.

Are you religious? I’ve known men who waited until marriage due to religious reasons, ended up leaving the religion when they were older, and got angry they had lost all those years of sleeping around to a religion they don’t even follow anymore. The ones who did open their marriage up either regretted it, or their marriage failed as a result. It was less about sleeping around and more about unresolved feelings and anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he suggested opening the relationship, he's already cheated/cheating. 🙁

This, and you aren’t in love as you thought you were. He had plenty of tune to sleep around in his late teens early 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he suggested opening the relationship, he's already cheated/cheating. 🙁

This, and you aren’t in love as you thought you were. He had plenty of tune to sleep around in his late teens early 20s.

Wow! Lots of scorned and closed minded people here. Don't assume he's cheating. He may think he has a shot at something different. Who knows. Ask him.

It's completely natural to be curious about sex with others. It's completely natural to be bored with sex with the same person akin to having the same food every day. Even if it's prepared differently it's still the same ingredients. Monogamy is not natural. Not saying you should open up your relationship, but having a conversation about wants and expectations about your sex life is completely healthy. Don't do it if you both are not on the same page on terms and ground rules. In all reality you'll get laid easily and he'll struggle to get the action he thinks he'd get.

[Anonymous]

This is not going to end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he suggested opening the relationship, he's already cheated/cheating. 🙁

This, and you aren’t in love as you thought you were. He had plenty of tune to sleep around in his late teens early 20s.

Wow! Lots of scorned and closed minded people here. Don't assume he's cheating. He may think he has a shot at something different. Who knows. Ask him.

It's completely natural to be curious about sex with others. It's completely natural to be bored with sex with the same person akin to having the same food every day. Even if it's prepared differently it's still the same ingredients. Monogamy is not natural. Not saying you should open up your relationship, but having a conversation about wants and expectations about your sex life is completely healthy. Don't do it if you both are not on the same page on terms and ground rules. In all reality you'll get laid easily and he'll struggle to get the action he thinks he'd get.

NP. I’m usually not doom and gloom, but yes, he has already cheated. This is not going to end well for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him if he’s already tried sleeping with someone else and what that felt like.

[Anonymous]

Show him the statistics of STDs of those who are sexually immoral. He is openly expressing a desire to commit adultery. There are consequences to opening that door. Do your best to keep it locked shut. If he is seeking adventure, plan a romantic outing, go skinny dipping or something to dispel these thoughts. Feed him a cheeseburger and drop pickles into his mouth.