Do you like other peoples kids....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like other people's kids but I don't feel as comfortable around kids as I do adults. I feel like I never really know what to say to them other than the typical "how's school?" questions, which feels very fake. I have the same issue with my own kids sometimes TBH. It's not that I don't like kids, I just can't relate to them. I am really good conversationalist in general with adults but kids make me nervous. I'm a PTA president but the thought of being room parent freaks me out.

Babies are different because there is no need to have a conversation with them. I don't "love" all babies but I can appreciate them and like being around them.

Same here. My oldest is 10 and has a few friends that are mature for their age and pretty interesting. It doesn’t feel like torture (at least on my end) to have a conversation with them.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I barely like my own - can't stand other people's kids.

[Anonymous]

Before I had kids I used to be very into kids in general. Now that mine are 7 and 4, I found that I just don't care much for other people's kids, especially if they're younger than 4. Though my kids exhaust me, they behave better on play dates than 90% of the kids we know.

[Anonymous]

Some of them, sure, especially in small doses. Others, no.

[Anonymous]

I generally prefer kids to adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

You are internalizing way too much. They are not talking about you at all at home. The kids you are taking about do this to everyone (until it’s nipped in the bud), not just you.

To answer OP’s question, I love most kids. Some of them are really annoying.

[Anonymous]

I do like most kids and I find toddlers especially cute! I'm not so much into babies and had a hard time during my kids' infant years. I also like people in general and usually see the positive traits in everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

DH and I are both very polite, self-deprecating, considerate, tolerant, etc... We teach our kids to be considerate but I honestly sometimes worry they'll grow up to be pushovers. I see it on the playground already. It's a fine balance to strike. I like your approach that bargaining and pushback is acceptable to an extent. The difficult question is where exactly do you draw the line, without confusing the kids. We have taken the approach that they can try to talk to us politely about anything, but that whining, pushing, hitting, etc. will never be tolerated (let alone successful as negotiating strategies).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

We are rarely amused or impressed with a clumsy stranger's creative arguments to obtain permission to basically break shit in our house.
I appreciate that this is a higher SES family's approach to child-rearing. "Teach your kids to be confident and stand up for themselves; practice negotiating and winning what they want; practice challenging authority with eloquence." It really does create entitled pushy people, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

We are rarely amused or impressed with a clumsy stranger's creative arguments to obtain permission to basically break shit in our house.
I appreciate that this is a higher SES family's approach to child-rearing. "Teach your kids to be confident and stand up for themselves; practice negotiating and winning what they want; practice challenging authority with eloquence." It really does create entitled pushy people, though.

Lol I was thinking more along the lines of going to bed a half hour past bedtime or being allowed to use the kitchen to bake bread even though they didn’t clean up the mess last time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found that kids, even babies, are basically just people. Some I like, some I don't like, some I can just tolerate. I have never understood people who profess to like a whole group of people, like babies, toddlers, old people, etc. It makes me wonder if they are able to see them as individuals.

+100

There’s probably a lot of overlap with this and those who like to constantly compare kids for the purpose of judging instead of realizing each kid develops differently and milestones are meant to be a paradigmatic representation, not a race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

DH and I are both very polite, self-deprecating, considerate, tolerant, etc... We teach our kids to be considerate but I honestly sometimes worry they'll grow up to be pushovers. I see it on the playground already. It's a fine balance to strike. I like your approach that bargaining and pushback is acceptable to an extent. The difficult question is where exactly do you draw the line, without confusing the kids. We have taken the approach that they can try to talk to us politely about anything, but that whining, pushing, hitting, etc. will never be tolerated (let alone successful as negotiating strategies).

I think that’s a good line. I know that for some families, a no is a hard no, but I just can’t get it into my head that my child should have to obey me without question or pushback just because I’m an adult. Sometimes I say “I can’t articulate the reason I am requiring you to do this, I’ll try later, but you need to do it anyway,” or I might say “we need to do it this way because it is simpler for me even though it is harder for you, and I know that’s not really fair but otherwise I will lose my mind,” but it’s always understood that bargaining and reasoning and pushback are allowed.

My kids’ teachers say my kids are very respectful and well-behaved and sweet, and my kids get invites to other kids’ houses often (in line with pandemic severity), so I figure they can’t be that bad, right?

But this is a good reminder that the debates about rules and expectations need to stay at home.

[Anonymous]

I like 99% of small kids and always have, even since way before I had my own - I would volunteer to read to kids at the library and such. Never cared for babies until I had my own, now I want to squeeze all the chunky baby thighs I see!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I adore babies.
I am very judgmental of other people's pushy and entitled kids when they're past 8 y/o or so. The pushback, bargaining, or outright smiling defiance on grownup's rules? Keep that for your own house. That also makes me suspicious of my relationship with the parents - what kind of shit do their parents talk about me at home for the kid to believe they don't need to respect me in mine?

The smiling defiance is disturbing but in our house pushback and bargaining aren’t considered disrespectful in our house. DH and I are always amused and sometimes impressed with the arguments our kids make in favor of their positions, and at times they do persuade us that they are right. I tell my kids not to do this at friend’s houses and I hope they listen but I can’t be sure they do.

DH and I are both very polite, self-deprecating, considerate, tolerant, etc... We teach our kids to be considerate but I honestly sometimes worry they'll grow up to be pushovers. I see it on the playground already. It's a fine balance to strike. I like your approach that bargaining and pushback is acceptable to an extent. The difficult question is where exactly do you draw the line, without confusing the kids. We have taken the approach that they can try to talk to us politely about anything, but that whining, pushing, hitting, etc. will never be tolerated (let alone successful as negotiating strategies).

I think that’s a good line. I know that for some families, a no is a hard no, but I just can’t get it into my head that my child should have to obey me without question or pushback just because I’m an adult. Sometimes I say “I can’t articulate the reason I am requiring you to do this, I’ll try later, but you need to do it anyway,” or I might say “we need to do it this way because it is simpler for me even though it is harder for you, and I know that’s not really fair but otherwise I will lose my mind,” but it’s always understood that bargaining and reasoning and pushback are allowed.

My kids’ teachers say my kids are very respectful and well-behaved and sweet, and my kids get invites to other kids’ houses often (in line with pandemic severity), so I figure they can’t be that bad, right?

But this is a good reminder that the debates about rules and expectations need to stay at home.

I will answer one "Why?" if it's not accompanied by whining. If they have an issue with the answer, they're welcome to state their objection clearly (again, without whining or yelling), and I may reconsider.

Safety rules do not get reconsidered. However, my goal is for children to grow into adults who can evaluate requests and demands made of them, ask for a reason when they don't understand why something needs to be done a certain way, then decide to 1. state their alternative/objection, 2. elect to make a different choice, while understanding that there may be consequences they don't like, or 3. choose to comply. They need to understand that they have a choice, they aren't a robot.

My 4th grader had fun with a unit we did this year on civil disobedience... Lists of pros and cons, both individual and for the group, for a variety of different movements... It was a blast!

[Anonymous]

Yes. I wasn't able to read the PPs, but I think the vast majority of people do.