If you spent 14 hours straight with your children every day would you be happy?

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom (so I sort of signed up for this) but my child is 13 months and in that stage where she is wants everything she is not supposed to have, outs everything in her mouth, is not fully in control of her physical self, can’t really play games or communicate (but she is getting better). I have family nearby who are terrific but it was a loooong winter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would but only if I didn’t have anything else to do but play and teach my kids. No housework, laundry, errands, or cooking. I love taking my kids places, doing art, reading, teaching, running around. I’d happily be a SAHM if it didn’t come with housewife-type chores.

My sister has this setup and couldn’t be happier. I don’t think I’d be cut out for it though.

This set up sounds amazing. Who does she hire? Cleaning lady and chef? Easy to get away with housework and laundry but cooking and errands must be harder, wondering how she does it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6am-8pm with your children everyday, no childcare, how would you do?

This is my current situation and not sure if I am fit for this. We cannot afford childcare at the moment due to my husband's job loss.

I don’t think it’s healthy for your kids to only be around you all day every day. Even if money is an issue, are there low cost or free activities you can enroll them in to give them some interaction with other kids their age? Or even a play group that would give you dedicated, predictable time off from childcare for at least one afternoon a week?

Are we talking about only being with mom though?

I was assuming that we were talking about normal, non-covid times, and OP was free to take her kids to a playground, or a library playgroup, and on a playdate.

Having your pre- or barely verbal children be your only company 14 hours a day would be very isolating. I'm the PP above with the husband who often worked a double shift. The playground, the ability to hang out with another mother, etc . . . made a huge difference to me.

[Anonymous]

Omg no. That sounds exhausting. I really don't want to spend that much time with any one person, and certainly not someone for whom I need to act as simultaneous teacher, chef, authority figure, emotional support, and bottom and nose wiper. I love my kids as people, but all of the tasks that go into caring for young children are not satisfying for me. It would be different if I had a robot army to do all of the work and I could just chill and talk to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would but only if I didn’t have anything else to do but play and teach my kids. No housework, laundry, errands, or cooking. I love taking my kids places, doing art, reading, teaching, running around. I’d happily be a SAHM if it didn’t come with housewife-type chores.

My sister has this setup and couldn’t be happier. I don’t think I’d be cut out for it though.

This set up sounds amazing. Who does she hire? Cleaning lady and chef? Easy to get away with housework and laundry but cooking and errands must be harder, wondering how she does it

My friend has this. The housekeeper does everything but childcare. 40 hours a week, five days a week. She’s a dedicated housekeeper/house manager. She cooks simple meals but very healthful five days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would but only if I didn’t have anything else to do but play and teach my kids. No housework, laundry, errands, or cooking. I love taking my kids places, doing art, reading, teaching, running around. I’d happily be a SAHM if it didn’t come with housewife-type chores.

My sister has this setup and couldn’t be happier. I don’t think I’d be cut out for it though.

This set up sounds amazing. Who does she hire? Cleaning lady and chef? Easy to get away with housework and laundry but cooking and errands must be harder, wondering how she does it

My friend has this. The housekeeper does everything but childcare. 40 hours a week, five days a week. She’s a dedicated housekeeper/house manager. She cooks simple meals but very healthful five days a week.

How much would that cost? Would seriously consider this set up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is me now and I love it. Maybe it changes as kids get older though? Mine is only less than a year old

It changes. Come back and report on your level of happiness from, say, age 20 months and 3 1/4.

Care to share how it changes? I had a very difficult 0-6 month old (woke up 4-6 times a night, napped only when held and only for 30 mins, fussy a lot) so I’m hoping that I’ve been through the worst somehow

If it's the sleep that's hard for you, it will get better, unless or until you have more kids.

If you have more kids, which it sounds like OP does, they're not usually on the same schedule. That's how you end up with 14 hour days and no (not even 30 minute) breaks. One wakes earlier than the other, and one goes to bed later. If one is napping, the other/s are not, etc. If you put on TV, one will he occupied but probably not both for a meaningful enough stretch of time to do more than necessary cooking, etc.

Yeah, OP, it's hard and totally different than the situations where someone gets a short break in the evening or weekend. Your spouse needs to be helping to make that happen or you're going to burn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would but only if I didn’t have anything else to do but play and teach my kids. No housework, laundry, errands, or cooking. I love taking my kids places, doing art, reading, teaching, running around. I’d happily be a SAHM if it didn’t come with housewife-type chores.

My sister has this setup and couldn’t be happier. I don’t think I’d be cut out for it though.

This set up sounds amazing. Who does she hire? Cleaning lady and chef? Easy to get away with housework and laundry but cooking and errands must be harder, wondering how she does it

My friend has this. The housekeeper does everything but childcare. 40 hours a week, five days a week. She’s a dedicated housekeeper/house manager. She cooks simple meals but very healthful five days a week.

How much would that cost? Would seriously consider this set up

PP Here. My friend said she pays $25 an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6am-8pm with your children everyday, no childcare, how would you do?

This is my current situation and not sure if I am fit for this. We cannot afford childcare at the moment due to my husband's job loss.

I am a SAHM (2 and 4), but no, 6 am to 8 pm everyday is too much for me. If that were my situation, I would have to build in a lot of breaks - naptime/quiet time, 1+ hrs TV time, maybe an extra long bath to take up some of the evening.

[Anonymous]

Haha that sounds like what I do every day in the summer. It’s not great. The evenings are the worst of all around dinner time. But it is what it is. We do have a lot of unstructured time, TV/tablet games, stuff like that and my house is never clean. But my kids do seem overall happy and they keep themselves occupied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is me now and I love it. Maybe it changes as kids get older though? Mine is only less than a year old

It changes. Come back and report on your level of happiness from, say, age 20 months and 3 1/4.

Care to share how it changes? I had a very difficult 0-6 month old (woke up 4-6 times a night, napped only when held and only for 30 mins, fussy a lot) so I’m hoping that I’ve been through the worst somehow

See, mine was a complete angel until 18 months. Ate great, slept through the night at 5 months, napped happily at home or in her stroller if we were out. I could clean, do laundry, cook, exercise, pay bills, meet friends for lunch, chat with people on the phone or at one of our houses. She was content, easygoing, easy to please, and agreeable. It was work but I had plenty of time to work out, socialize and get things done home with her, plus free time during her naps and at night to watch trash TV or scroll my phone or read. It was amazing and most of my mom friends wanted to punch me in the face when they heard how easy I had it!

Of course that all backfired when she turned about 20 months and became absolutely defiant, grouchy, and ornery and began pushing boundaries, which is common for toddlers that age. Climbing furniture, jumping on couches, trying to open the doors or the oven or the refrigerator, emptying all drawers and baskets of their contents, chasing the dog and hitting the cat, throwing toys and food, meltdowns and snits galore, screaming and bucking with refusal to be seated in her stroller or car seat, insisting on doing everything by herself and collapsing in tears when she could not, and a phase where she screeched at the top of her lungs when we were in a grocery store. This behavior coincided with an immediate need for constant attention, interaction, and entertainment. She would be happy to play with her blocks by herself for a couple of minutes, but her attention span was low and she then wanted me to entertain her nonstop. She also dropped her nap, and woke up for the day at 6:30 AM and went to bed at 7 PM, which is after my spouse went to work and before he would return home, so on top of all day entertainment and attitude management, I was also responsible for all of her care and feeding, getting her up in the morning, bathing her every day, and putting her to bed every night during the week. My free time throughout the day was nonexistent, and unfortunately so was my evening time since that’s when I had to cram in house work, life administration, catching up on emails. My me time became waking up at 5 AM to exercise and shower before I had to get her up for the day. I’d spend an hour after my husband got home cleaning up the house and getting prepared for the next day, talk to him for a few minutes, and collapse into bed. I didn’t have time to socialize or do anything for myself during the day, and I was so busy catching up in the evening or getting up early to try to do some thing at the crack of dawn that I always felt like I couldn’t catch up. She is 3 now and easier but it’s still hard.

It is tiring in a different way than having a newborn is, but I truly think it is 1 million times easier to be a stay at home parent to a child under 1.5. I’m hoping you have an opposite experience since you’re having a rougher time with your baby now and I honestly had extremely smooth sailing at that point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would but only if I didn’t have anything else to do but play and teach my kids. No housework, laundry, errands, or cooking. I love taking my kids places, doing art, reading, teaching, running around. I’d happily be a SAHM if it didn’t come with housewife-type chores.

My sister has this setup and couldn’t be happier. I don’t think I’d be cut out for it though.

This set up sounds amazing. Who does she hire? Cleaning lady and chef? Easy to get away with housework and laundry but cooking and errands must be harder, wondering how she does it

She has a housekeeper who cleans and does laundry. They have a guy who delivers a week’s worth of prepared meals every Sunday and they eat out a lot too. Her husband is a practicing doctor who is also in senior management so he is extremely busy. She keeps the home front running.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn’t be happy. I have the best life now with working from home in a creative field and have a brilliant, loving nanny for my 2.5 yr old and nine month old. She’s a former teacher and keeps the kids very happy and busy. Because I’m home, I can breastfeed, give cuddles when requested, and am there for every milestone.

It would have been a huge mistake for me to quit my job knowing my personality and education. DH is also very hands-on in regard to the cooking and cleaning as well as playing and bathing the kids.

[Anonymous]

If I didn’t have to do anything else, sure. If life was just pool days and park adventures and zoo trips I would have no problem. The thing is somehow women are also expected to keep house during time with kids and that I do not enjoy 14 hours of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I didn’t have to do anything else, sure. If life was just pool days and park adventures and zoo trips I would have no problem. The thing is somehow women are also expected to keep house during time with kids and that I do not enjoy 14 hours of.

+1 It’s the housewife crap I couldn’t deal with. Just me and my kids? Bliss.