Baby fever when you can't and/or don't think it's a good idea to have another

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's biological. Just like gorging on an entire cheesecake every day or shagging your pool boy, your body might think it's a good idea, but you need to override.

This. I try to remind myself these are my hormones. Our species would not have evolved without an innate desire to procreate.

Random plug for the app Hormonology. It tracks your period and gives your hormone horoscope based on where you are on your cycle. Certain times of the month I have more baby fear then others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's biological. Just like gorging on an entire cheesecake every day or shagging your pool boy, your body might think it's a good idea, but you need to override.

This. I try to remind myself these are my hormones. Our species would not have evolved without an innate desire to procreate.

Random plug for the app Hormonology. It tracks your period and gives your hormone horoscope based on where you are on your cycle. Certain times of the month I have more baby fear then others.

Baby fever not fear...

[Anonymous]

Lol, I have baby fear every month!!

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this more often than I'd like to admit. We have one. I wanted to try for another; my husband didn't. Honestly the chances of having another were not in our favor as it was difficult to conceive our child and I was in my early 40s. But I felt the need to try, you know?

We didn't try and perhaps that was for the best given my age. But do I wonder? ALL. THE. TIME. And I hate that it gets in the way of enjoying my family now. My child is truly awesome. I just perhaps mourn that I/we didn't give him the chance to be the awesome sibling he would undoubtably be.

I have no advice other than what I am trying to do--enjoy what you have. Because I know that I don't want to regret missing out on that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this more often than I'd like to admit. We have one. I wanted to try for another; my husband didn't. Honestly the chances of having another were not in our favor as it was difficult to conceive our child and I was in my early 40s. But I felt the need to try, you know?

We didn't try and perhaps that was for the best given my age. But do I wonder? ALL. THE. TIME. And I hate that it gets in the way of enjoying my family now. My child is truly awesome. I just perhaps mourn that I/we didn't give him the chance to be the awesome sibling he would undoubtably be.

I have no advice other than what I am trying to do--enjoy what you have. Because I know that I don't want to regret missing out on that, too.

oops, *undoubtedly*

[Anonymous]

It’s a tough predicament to be in. I always felt like 3 would be the best number for me and DH was done at 2- there was no convincing him. I’m 41 now and my kids will be 7 and 9 this year so I’m definitely done ... I don’t want a huge age gap when my career is really blossoming now and it’s so easy having kids close in age who get along.
I always wished my second was twins so I could have three close in age and be done, but that wasn’t how the cards were dealt.
Although I feel done and know that I won’t have another one, I still haven’t got over it and have had to work on some of the resentment I’ve felt toward DH, because he was the reason we stopped at 2. People on DCUM always talk about the resentment someone will feel if they have a child they really didn’t want, but the resentment you can feel when you don’t end up with the amount of children you wanted (and could have had) is not addressed as much, but it’s a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting this here because it's not really an infertility issue -- I'm more looking for advice from anyone who has struggled with the decision of whether to try for another baby, decided against it, and still struggled with baby fever. I think I'll get a broader range of responses here and I don't want to just hear from people who are on a fertility journey because I really believe our fertility journey is over and its' time to move. I'm just struggling with that transition.

I love our family as it is, I love our only child, and there are many really good reasons why it's time to stop. Age and money are the biggest ones, as well as some specific concerns about my health during pregnancy and going through PPD again. We talk about and plan for our lives as a family of 3 and I'm excited about it. I love each new stage that we experience with our daughter while also looking forward to the next. I feel so lucky to have this child at all. When I think about it critically, this feels like the right choice for all of us.

But I am struggling with letting go. I keep putting off some major decisions as though we are still on the fence about having another baby, even though we've discussed it and decided not to try again. I still think about being pregnant again. I still can't bring myself to give away our baby gear, and on some level I have not fully committed to being done having babies. And I'm doing all this knowing that even if we decided for sure we wanted another baby, our odds of conception would be incredibly slim. But the what ifs still plague me.

For anyone who has been in this situation and finally let go and embraced your family as is, how did it happen? Any words of wisdom for me?

Just remember that you aren't guaranteed to health effects or worse PPD.

You aren't guaranteed a healthy, neurotypical or even minorly differently-abled child.

You are risking your life (we do every time we have children but you more than most perhaps) and the life and emotional, physical, mental, and financial resources you have for your family as it exists now.

If you go through the nine months and the trials of labor and the doc cuts the umbilical cord and hands you a baby that will have some issue that means years of medical expenses and will never be able to live independently, are you good with that?