Pros v. Cons: domestic and international adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:which adoption agencies for domestic adoption? particularly for toddler to preschool age.

You don't need an agency. Just hire an attorney who specializes in adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an adoptive mom and also adopted myself. We’d adopted internationally. There is definitely trauma involved. It can be mild or severe but anytime a child is removed from a home and culture or family of origin there will be lingering issues. Any parent who says otherwise is in denial and probably not a great adoptive parent.

Adoption isn’t trauma (unless there is a problem with the adoptive parents). The circumstances that lead to adoption is the trauma. Adoption is an imperfect attempt to deal with the trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an adoptive mom and also adopted myself. We’d adopted internationally. There is definitely trauma involved. It can be mild or severe but anytime a child is removed from a home and culture or family of origin there will be lingering issues. Any parent who says otherwise is in denial and probably not a great adoptive parent.

Adoption isn’t trauma (unless there is a problem with the adoptive parents). The circumstances that lead to adoption is the trauma. Adoption is an imperfect attempt to deal with the trauma.

Adoption can be trauma but not in the sense some are posting via your point of view. If it was a shady adoption, against the birth parent wishes and other things, it very much can lead to trauma. It happened to a child/family we know where it was a very shady adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:which adoption agencies for domestic adoption? particularly for toddler to preschool age.

You don't need an agency. Just hire an attorney who specializes in adoption.

For toddler to preschool, generally its the public agencies or ones contracted with the public agencies. Most don't put up older kids for adoption except in specific circumstances. Not all states allow for attorney placements so you can do a private placement but the attorney can only do the legal paperwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an adoptive mom and also adopted myself. We’d adopted internationally. There is definitely trauma involved. It can be mild or severe but anytime a child is removed from a home and culture or family of origin there will be lingering issues. Any parent who says otherwise is in denial and probably not a great adoptive parent.

Adoption isn’t trauma (unless there is a problem with the adoptive parents). The circumstances that lead to adoption is the trauma. Adoption is an imperfect attempt to deal with the trauma.

Adoption can be trauma but not in the sense some are posting via your point of view. If it was a shady adoption, against the birth parent wishes and other things, it very much can lead to trauma. It happened to a child/family we know where it was a very shady adoption.

I just wanted to add that i think labeling adoption as trauma causes some adoptive parents to feel defensive and less inclined to understand the feelings of abandonment and loss that many people who were adopted experience, no matter how well-meaning their adoptive parents.

[Anonymous]

No offense but you can't really be picky. There is no guarantee of SN as a biological or adoptive parent. If that scares you then don't become a parent.

-- parenr of a child diagnosed with a life-long, fatal condition at 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:which adoption agencies for domestic adoption? particularly for toddler to preschool age.

You don't need an agency. Just hire an attorney who specializes in adoption.

For toddler to preschool, generally its the public agencies or ones contracted with the public agencies. Most don't put up older kids for adoption except in specific circumstances. Not all states allow for attorney placements so you can do a private placement but the attorney can only do the legal paperwork.

I know someone who adopted a baby at birth in MD. Didn't use an agency. Found birth mother on their own. Took baby home from hospital w/power of attorney and finalized adoption 30 days later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No offense but you can't really be picky. There is no guarantee of SN as a biological or adoptive parent. If that scares you then don't become a parent.

-- parenr of a child diagnosed with a life-long, fatal condition at 8.

+1, the risks are there regardless of how you become a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:which adoption agencies for domestic adoption? particularly for toddler to preschool age.

You don't need an agency. Just hire an attorney who specializes in adoption.

For toddler to preschool, generally its the public agencies or ones contracted with the public agencies. Most don't put up older kids for adoption except in specific circumstances. Not all states allow for attorney placements so you can do a private placement but the attorney can only do the legal paperwork.

I know someone who adopted a baby at birth in MD. Didn't use an agency. Found birth mother on their own. Took baby home from hospital w/power of attorney and finalized adoption 30 days later.

That's how we did it but it wasn't easy at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:which adoption agencies for domestic adoption? particularly for toddler to preschool age.

You don't need an agency. Just hire an attorney who specializes in adoption.

For toddler to preschool, generally its the public agencies or ones contracted with the public agencies. Most don't put up older kids for adoption except in specific circumstances. Not all states allow for attorney placements so you can do a private placement but the attorney can only do the legal paperwork.

I know someone who adopted a baby at birth in MD. Didn't use an agency. Found birth mother on their own. Took baby home from hospital w/power of attorney and finalized adoption 30 days later.

That's how we did it but it wasn't easy at all.

^What were the challenges?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:which adoption agencies for domestic adoption? particularly for toddler to preschool age.

You don't need an agency. Just hire an attorney who specializes in adoption.

For toddler to preschool, generally its the public agencies or ones contracted with the public agencies. Most don't put up older kids for adoption except in specific circumstances. Not all states allow for attorney placements so you can do a private placement but the attorney can only do the legal paperwork.

I know someone who adopted a baby at birth in MD. Didn't use an agency. Found birth mother on their own. Took baby home from hospital w/power of attorney and finalized adoption 30 days later.

That's how we did it but it wasn't easy at all.

^What were the challenges?

Scams, bad attorneys, cost a fortune in advertising, getting a match. Took us years to adopt (though worth it). We also signed ups with an agency and facilitator but both were money grabs and no baby.