Pros v. Cons: domestic and international adoption

[Anonymous]

I considered adoption but every adoption event I attended had a SN section attached. I knew I couldn’t do that. I had a hard enough time with my NT kids.
Adoption is very complex due to lack of truly healthy babies available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:America right now actually has an abundance of babies and children that need to be adopted because of the heroin crisis and growing poverty.

And YES- some of these babies are COMPLETELY healthy.


Domestic > international.

Physically healthy does not mean mentally healthy. Learn about attachment disorders and other issues associated with removing children from homes due to drugs or neglect.
Pretending trauma from these events do not impact children long term does not help the parents entering into adoption and it definitely does not help the children. Spend a day on a message board about RAD or ODD and make decisions accordingly.

[Anonymous]

We chose to adopt our youngest child after having two children who joined our family via birth. They're now in college and grad school, so we have a longer-term prespective. I agree that parents who adopt should go into it with their eyes and hearts and minds open -- just as all parents should. Any parent might be called on to address all sorts of challenges -- in family dynamics, special needs, physical health, etc. That's not only the case with parents who adopted children.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife did foster to adoption route in US.
First child they started fostering at 18 months. Child had FAS and attachment issues. Severely neglected until foster care. Bio family maintained contact for a few years but ultimately disappeared. Child is now an adult. Elementary years were very rough, but he is a sweet young man today. Due to FAS, he will always only have low skill jobs and my brother plans to always live nearby.
Foster child 2 & 3 - twins born to meth mom, removed at birth. Brother and wife cared for them for 6 months. Mom cleaned up and got the babies back. They were heartbroken.
Fourth child - half sister to first (same bio dad, different mom). Given up at 6 months. No medical issues, nor was she neglected. Family loved her but knew they couldn’t raise her (grandparents, actually). Like #1, family initially maintained contact but drifted away. Senior in high school. Doing great!
I write this to give you a perspective of some foster scenarios.

[Anonymous]

When I adopted internationally, I was advised to consider why the kids were available. If it was due to social custom or norms (such as kids being born out of wedlock—very stigmatized in Korea, or China’s former “one child policy”), the babies tended to be in better shape. If they were taken from the home due to abuse, addiction or neglect (such as in Eastern Europe or the US), the odds of long term problems, genetic issues or FAS are greatly increased.

I also would avoid “ private adoption” (i.e., Brokered by an attorney) since I think they are more likely to be shady/exploitive of poor women.

My adoption journey has turned out spectacularly. I feel blessed, and my 20 year old daughter is a happy, healthy college student. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

PS-the older they child, the higher the risk of emotional problems. So consider that when you choose.

[Anonymous]

I adopted an older child and preferred being able to see what I could be getting into. Everything is more clearly formed. Infants make me nervous. What mental health, substance, genetic issues are hidden & unknown. Birth moms lie, documents aren't always accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:America right now actually has an abundance of babies and children that need to be adopted because of the heroin crisis and growing poverty.

And YES- some of these babies are COMPLETELY healthy.


Domestic > international.

Physically healthy does not mean mentally healthy. Learn about attachment disorders and other issues associated with removing children from homes due to drugs or neglect.
Pretending trauma from these events do not impact children long term does not help the parents entering into adoption and it definitely does not help the children. Spend a day on a message board about RAD or ODD and make decisions accordingly.

This is so true. Now that my kids and the kids of families I met through adoption are older, we are seeing firsthand the affect that early abandonment has had and continues to have on our kids.

[Anonymous]

China has a problem with child kidnapping.
I think Guatemala also had a baby kidnapping case that even got prosecuted with the courts rescinding the adoption
I would be very careful with those countries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his wife did foster to adoption route in US.
First child they started fostering at 18 months. Child had FAS and attachment issues. Severely neglected until foster care. Bio family maintained contact for a few years but ultimately disappeared. Child is now an adult. Elementary years were very rough, but he is a sweet young man today. Due to FAS, he will always only have low skill jobs and my brother plans to always live nearby.
Foster child 2 & 3 - twins born to meth mom, removed at birth. Brother and wife cared for them for 6 months. Mom cleaned up and got the babies back. They were heartbroken.
Fourth child - half sister to first (same bio dad, different mom). Given up at 6 months. No medical issues, nor was she neglected. Family loved her but knew they couldn’t raise her (grandparents, actually). Like #1, family initially maintained contact but drifted away. Senior in high school. Doing great!
I write this to give you a perspective of some foster scenarios.

I mean this in the nicest way possible as you seem like a caring family member. This is not your story to tell. Please do not post information like this online about your family members. The foster/adoption community is very small and I would hate for my child's family history to be posted online. It is their story and their story only to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:America right now actually has an abundance of babies and children that need to be adopted because of the heroin crisis and growing poverty.

And YES- some of these babies are COMPLETELY healthy.


Domestic > international.

It sounds like we need to work on effective mental health treatment, treatment for addictions, unemployment, and poverty.

We don’t need to rip children from their mothers who are poor.

The problem with domestic infant adoption is that the market demands a supply of babies. And so a poor mother recovering from addiction is told that the greatest love she can give her child is to give him away to someone wealthy. Thus making some rich couple happy but forever severing her child’s connection to his biological family and compounding her own trauma. The pain and damage are exponentially worse. After the trauma of relinquishment, she is even more likely to relapse and sink deeper into addiction…but also more likely to gmfight for any subsequent children, yet be even less likely to successfully parent them. It’s a downward spiral caused by a hungry market of rich adopters.

Vulnerable mothers need support, money, and care. Not coercion and manipulation.

[Anonymous]

We adopted domestically, because it's embarrassing to me to walk past children here to get children elsewhere. Taking them out of their culture seems wrong to me. "Open adoption" can mean VERY different things - there's a wide range of open.

[Anonymous]

This is all the same poster. Same style of writing on every single thread.

[Anonymous]

We adopted our 2 daughters from China. They were listed as Special Needs. They had a cleft palate. Easy peasy operation once they got home, some speech therapy, and voila. One in high school, one in college.

[Anonymous]

which adoption agencies for domestic adoption? particularly for toddler to preschool age.