Discarding embryos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be weird to watch another couple raise "your" kids. What if you didn't agree with their parenting? What if the kid had a lot of tragedy? It's got to be so much harder to watch knowing that is really your child. Imagine your baby if she chooses "cry it out" or spanking when you don't support those things..... and on and on. It has to muddy boundaries. What if the child comes to you later and wants birth control or an abortion, do you help them avoid telling their birth parents?

I understand you DH's feelings.

But less weird not to give “your” kids a chance at life? Discarding is a better option than a spanking? As an IVF baby myself, I know what I’d choose.

+1000. Sometimes, we have to choose what is harder for us in the best interest of others.

WTF? You don’t owe anyone your embryos.

Agreed, I reserve the right to take my kids out whenever I want! They were particularly awful today.

[Anonymous]

Just want to chime in as someone who happily donated anonymously. I seldom come back to this board, but when I do, I feel like this sentiment could use some amplification. To be able to help a family struggling with infertility, and knowing that if all went well they could have babies as beautiful as those we'd had, still fills me with a huge feeling of warmth. I hope those embryos took!

[Anonymous]

If husbands not on board you can’t really do much.

I don’t like the idea of donating to random couples but if family I trusted needed embryos we’d do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to chime in as someone who happily donated anonymously. I seldom come back to this board, but when I do, I feel like this sentiment could use some amplification. To be able to help a family struggling with infertility, and knowing that if all went well they could have babies as beautiful as those we'd had, still fills me with a huge feeling of warmth. I hope those embryos took!

So you have no contact at all with the family? See part of me would want that but the other part feels like it would be hard to let go of any knowledge of that embryo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to chime in as someone who happily donated anonymously. I seldom come back to this board, but when I do, I feel like this sentiment could use some amplification. To be able to help a family struggling with infertility, and knowing that if all went well they could have babies as beautiful as those we'd had, still fills me with a huge feeling of warmth. I hope those embryos took!

So you have no contact at all with the family? See part of me would want that but the other part feels like it would be hard to let go of any knowledge of that embryo.

I’m not sure how you would have a hard time letting go of knowing you may have helped a family make a baby that shares your genetics, but no problem letting go of knowing as a fact that you destroyed your genetic offspring. Can usually see most sides of an issue but truly don’t understand that one.

[Anonymous]

I thought about my 7 embryos a lot after my 1st baby. We got pregnant on our own for our 2nd and I started looking into embryo donation. We never found an organization we were comfortable with and I didn’t want my kids to potentially have genetic siblings that might find them someday with genetic testing - something they didn’t ask for. We paid another year of storage and when it came around again I was finally ready to let go.
Don’t rush if you aren’t ready. Because at least Shady Grove hounded me with multiple calls and letters asking me to consider donating instead either to research or another family. If I was on the fence that would have made me doubt myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to chime in as someone who happily donated anonymously. I seldom come back to this board, but when I do, I feel like this sentiment could use some amplification. To be able to help a family struggling with infertility, and knowing that if all went well they could have babies as beautiful as those we'd had, still fills me with a huge feeling of warmth. I hope those embryos took!

So you have no contact at all with the family? See part of me would want that but the other part feels like it would be hard to let go of any knowledge of that embryo.

I’m not sure how you would have a hard time letting go of knowing you may have helped a family make a baby that shares your genetics, but no problem letting go of knowing as a fact that you destroyed your genetic offspring. Can usually see most sides of an issue but truly don’t understand that one.

Chill, troll. Those of us that have been through IVF know that embryo ≠ baby. Wish that was the case, but almost all of us have been through failed transfers and/or miscarriages. If that were the case, I'd have 9 kids instead of 1 right now. If you felt that strongly that embryos were the same as living children, I highly doubt you'd have done full stims IVF.

[Anonymous]

We donated our embryos through an open adoption to a nice family. Sometimes I'm sad that the kids who were then born aren't in our life. Maybe we'll meet one day. I hope so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just want to chime in as someone who happily donated anonymously. I seldom come back to this board, but when I do, I feel like this sentiment could use some amplification. To be able to help a family struggling with infertility, and knowing that if all went well they could have babies as beautiful as those we'd had, still fills me with a huge feeling of warmth. I hope those embryos took!

So you have no contact at all with the family? See part of me would want that but the other part feels like it would be hard to let go of any knowledge of that embryo.

I’m not sure how you would have a hard time letting go of knowing you may have helped a family make a baby that shares your genetics, but no problem letting go of knowing as a fact that you destroyed your genetic offspring. Can usually see most sides of an issue but truly don’t understand that one.

One of my concerns as someone in this position is the what ifs. They may seem irrational to you but unless you’re in this position you may not give it the same type of weight of decision making ... What if my children go to school with other kids who are full blood siblings and they get confused why the Smith kids look like them? Or you tell them the truth and they are emotionally scarred by you “abandoning” their siblings, keeping them from them, etc. Or what if they meet at some point unknowingly, get married and wind up unexpectedly birthing a now (inbred) child? Possible? Yes. A high possibility, no. But a possibility, yes. That alone is a strong enough concern, no matter how big the concern is in actuality, for me not to donate remaining embryos. But the biggest reason for me is if I donated embryos, I would be constantly staring at every child I see on the street and scrutinizing your face is wondering if they are 100% genetically mine.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t make up my mind and I have two great kids. Very smart even tempered athletic. Yes I think they are the best. But recently we discovered they have genetic issues. So now I’m glad I discarded. Just wouldn’t want the responsibility if I had given to family.

[Anonymous]

I'm 47 with 2 lovely kids. I've been paying for the annual storage for 7 years and I think this year I'm finally ready to let go.

Personally I'd prefer to donate to strangers than family members. It just seems really emotionally fraught if you have a child that's genetically yours who's being raised by a close family member. I guess my thinking is probably similar to your H's.

[Anonymous]

I'm with your husband. My gut tells me that i could never watch my family members raise my biologic children. I just find this idea so uncomfortable. It would kill me to not be their mom myself.

Strangely, I wouldn't have no issue with egg donation.

[Anonymous]

Oops. Previous poster again. "Would have"

[Anonymous]

These children will be able to find out who their biological parents and siblings are someday. Do you want them to think they were not good enough to be kept by you and DH? What if they need a transplant from one of their biological siblings?

[Anonymous]

I’d destroy them before a new government decides that these embryos are people and makes it illegal.