Discarding embryos
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Anonymous
| Not sure if this is the right forum. DH and I have two kids and two embryos (high quality blasts, genetically tested) remaining. DH says he's done having kids and as I'm in my mid 40s, I'm okay with this. I just received the bill for embryo storage from our IVF clinic and I know at this point, it makes sense to discard our embryos, but I don't want to. I can't help but think those two embryos could turn out to be two wonderful kids like the ones we have. My brother and SIL have been trying for almost two years now and I would be happy to donate to them, but DH has said a hard NO to donating the embryos to them or to anyone else. I Just don't know what to do. Don't expect anyone to give me the answers here, but just wanted to share as I have nowhere else to do so. |
Anonymous
| Very challenging decision. I would probably postpone it for as long as I could afford to. |
Anonymous
| Can you donate eggs to your brother and SIL without donating entire embryo? |
Anonymous
Thank you for the support. I am going to pay this bill so I can put off the decision another year. |
Anonymous
No, I didn't think to freeze eggs because I came up with so few. We have embryos only. Plus, since this is my brother and SIL, they wouldn't want my eggs since they'd be using my brother's sperm. |
Anonymous
Whoops. Yes of course. Infertility is so difficult and underrated as an incredibly stressful experience. It is great that yo have two children and I hope the best for your brother and SIL. |
Anonymous
| I would but I get your husbands concern. I would to family only. |
Anonymous
I would also donate to family. |
Anonymous
|
I don’t know if I could donate to family. I’d be so torn. On the one hand, you are giving that little bean a chance at life. On the other hand, you would go through life so close to that kid it would be hard to draw an emotional boundary (at least for me it would be incredibly hard).
If it were my brother or sister and I knew they would be decent parents I think I would offer to donate. But man, seeing that baby’s face for the first time would be tough. |
Anonymous
| How much is the bill? |
Anonymous
| In a similar situation as you and it’s just impossible. In my case I have 3 kids and no one to donate my 4 embryos. Sigh. |
Anonymous
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We have two embryos that have been in storage since 2017. We are 100% not adding to the family. I just paid their cryo rent yesterday. We can’t seem to pull the plug but also don’t want to donate, so the cryo bank will keep getting payment until we are ready to discontinue. It’s a weird situation.
(Ps — I am with your husband on this. If he is not on board, just simply isn’t an option). |
Anonymous
| We need donor and if you were my sibling, I’d be so grateful. Please hold onto them as long as possible. Maybe your husband will have a change of heart and maybe that will be their chance to have a family. |
Anonymous
| I couldn’t make up my mind for years. I wanted to donate but that involved expensive retesting for STDs. Your brother doesn’t want them and embryos are not people. Just donate to science. We had a lot of money and didn’t want a genetic tie using sophisticated DNA equipment of the future for child support. |
Anonymous
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I think it would be weird to watch another couple raise "your" kids. What if you didn't agree with their parenting? What if the kid had a lot of tragedy? It's got to be so much harder to watch knowing that is really your child. Imagine your baby if she chooses "cry it out" or spanking when you don't support those things..... and on and on. It has to muddy boundaries. What if the child comes to you later and wants birth control or an abortion, do you help them avoid telling their birth parents?
I understand you DH's feelings. |