Rant: grandparents unrealistic expectations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well at least it's just the grandparents. In our case, it's my husband! He thinks DS should be able to get in most places with mostly As and A-s, maybe 5 APs by end of senior year, a sport and above average SATs. "He can still make it into one of the ivy's or the military academies (his big thing) if he just Aces the last two years." Ugh. He graduated high school in the 80's - he has no clue no matter how I try to inform him. He says I'm just a negative Nancy. Poor kid is going to end up with anxiety at this rate.

Lots of parents are delusional through sophomore year, but then start to hear more realistic experiences from friends. Same way a bunch of parents in elementary/middle school talked about the realistic possibility of a full ride athletic scholarship to selective schools for moderately talented kids - they stopped mentioning that in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior. 4.2 Weighted GPA, 1210 SAT (taking again in the fall), 3 APs so far with 3 more next year. Limited ECs - nothing out of the ordinary. Not an URM, not full pay...Wants to be a computer science major. Very introverted, typical geeky gamer kid.

He wants a large campus. We are trying to set expectations around state schools like George Mason, Penn State, Pitt, uDelaware, Rutgers, Virginia Tech etc. Even some of those aren’t guaranteed... meanwhile, my in laws keep telling him to apply to IVYs, Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon (as a “safety”).

I love my kid but he is not getting into Harvard with his stats. What’s the best way to set realistic expectations for him, and his grandparents?

Some of them are not guaranteed? Sorry to break it to you, but unless the SATs go up quite a bit several of them are guaranteed "no" . . .

Ummm you have NO idea what you are talking about. The kids stats are perfect or even higher for all of these schools. Add Temple and Wake Forest to his list too. He will be fine. It’s not all about the SAT. Actually, you likely won’t have to submit if he is class of 2022

Clearly you have no idea what you're talking about. A 1210 is low for Va Tech for sure. And to suggest "Temple and Wake Forest" in the same sentence makes zero sense. One is a large urban state school in the northeast with low admissions standards. The other is a small private school in the south with high admissions standards. They couldn't be more different. You're pulling college names out of your butt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior. 4.2 Weighted GPA, 1210 SAT (taking again in the fall), 3 APs so far with 3 more next year. Limited ECs - nothing out of the ordinary. Not an URM, not full pay...Wants to be a computer science major. Very introverted, typical geeky gamer kid.

He wants a large campus. We are trying to set expectations around state schools like George Mason, Penn State, Pitt, uDelaware, Rutgers, Virginia Tech etc. Even some of those aren’t guaranteed... meanwhile, my in laws keep telling him to apply to IVYs, Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon (as a “safety”).

I love my kid but he is not getting into Harvard with his stats. What’s the best way to set realistic expectations for him, and his grandparents?

As them to discuss Larlo’s admission when they donate a new student center because that’s the only way he’s getting into an ivy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Mom and Dad. This is a very stressful time at our house. And requirements and rules for college entrance have changed so much since I was in high school that a lot of your info— especially in CS— is outdated. I promise we are doing all we can to help him attend a good school for him.

Larlo has a great relationship with you both, and I am asking you— PLEASE— keep you opinions about his college decision to yourself.”

— signed, many years of therapy over boundaries.

+1

--- and if they blow you off and just pressure your DS behind your back, feel free to allow your DS to set the boundary as he sees fit. Especially if grandparents are dangling financial support over his head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mom and Dad. This is a very stressful time at our house. And requirements and rules for college entrance have changed so much since I was in high school that a lot of your info— especially in CS— is outdated. I promise we are doing all we can to help him attend a good school for him.

Larlo has a great relationship with you both, and I am asking you— PLEASE— keep you opinions about his college decision to yourself.”

— signed, many years of therapy over boundaries.

+1

--- and if they blow you off and just pressure your DS behind your back, feel free to allow your DS to set the boundary as he sees fit. Especially if grandparents are dangling financial support over his head.

Must be nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior. 4.2 Weighted GPA, 1210 SAT (taking again in the fall), 3 APs so far with 3 more next year. Limited ECs - nothing out of the ordinary. Not an URM, not full pay...Wants to be a computer science major. Very introverted, typical geeky gamer kid.

He wants a large campus. We are trying to set expectations around state schools like George Mason, Penn State, Pitt, uDelaware, Rutgers, Virginia Tech etc. Even some of those aren’t guaranteed... meanwhile, my in laws keep telling him to apply to IVYs, Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon (as a “safety”).

I love my kid but he is not getting into Harvard with his stats. What’s the best way to set realistic expectations for him, and his grandparents?

Some of them are not guaranteed? Sorry to break it to you, but unless the SATs go up quite a bit several of them are guaranteed "no" . . .

Ummm you have NO idea what you are talking about. The kids stats are perfect or even higher for all of these schools. Add Temple and Wake Forest to his list too. He will be fine. It’s not all about the SAT. Actually, you likely won’t have to submit if he is class of 2022

Clearly you have no idea what you're talking about. A 1210 is low for Va Tech for sure. And to suggest "Temple and Wake Forest" in the same sentence makes zero sense. One is a large urban state school in the northeast with low admissions standards. The other is a small private school in the south with high admissions standards. They couldn't be more different. You're pulling college names out of your butt.

+1 1210 is well below the 25th percentile for Wake Forest and Pitt too.

[Anonymous]

When my college snob mom asked where my DD went on a college visit my mom said, “Why would you do that to her? I thought she was smart.”

We were on speaker phone and DD heard. Infuriating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Mom and Dad. This is a very stressful time at our house. And requirements and rules for college entrance have changed so much since I was in high school that a lot of your info— especially in CS— is outdated. I promise we are doing all we can to help him attend a good school for him.

Larlo has a great relationship with you both, and I am asking you— PLEASE— keep you opinions about his college decision to yourself.”

— signed, many years of therapy over boundaries.

+1

--- and if they blow you off and just pressure your DS behind your back, feel free to allow your DS to set the boundary as he sees fit. Especially if grandparents are dangling financial support over his head.

Must be nice.

Lol.. my parents didn't really notice that I applied to precisely one university because of my anxiety disorder. I guess there's an upside that they'll be thrilled if DC go to college.

I still regret never actually applying to Harvey Mudd though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior. 4.2 Weighted GPA, 1210 SAT (taking again in the fall), 3 APs so far with 3 more next year. Limited ECs - nothing out of the ordinary. Not an URM, not full pay...Wants to be a computer science major. Very introverted, typical geeky gamer kid.

He wants a large campus. We are trying to set expectations around state schools like George Mason, Penn State, Pitt, uDelaware, Rutgers, Virginia Tech etc. Even some of those aren’t guaranteed... meanwhile, my in laws keep telling him to apply to IVYs, Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon (as a “safety”).

I love my kid but he is not getting into Harvard with his stats. What’s the best way to set realistic expectations for him, and his grandparents?

Some of them are not guaranteed? Sorry to break it to you, but unless the SATs go up quite a bit several of them are guaranteed "no" . . .

Ummm you have NO idea what you are talking about. The kids stats are perfect or even higher for all of these schools. Add Temple and Wake Forest to his list too. He will be fine. It’s not all about the SAT. Actually, you likely won’t have to submit if he is class of 2022

Clearly you have no idea what you're talking about. A 1210 is low for Va Tech for sure. And to suggest "Temple and Wake Forest" in the same sentence makes zero sense. One is a large urban state school in the northeast with low admissions standards. The other is a small private school in the south with high admissions standards. They couldn't be more different. You're pulling college names out of your butt.

The gpa is good. If it were my kid I’d suggest not submitting the sat score.

+1 1210 is well below the 25th percentile for Wake Forest and Pitt too.

[Anonymous]

Have him pick one of their choice schools and apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my college snob mom asked where my DD went on a college visit my mom said, “Why would you do that to her? I thought she was smart.”

We were on speaker phone and DD heard. Infuriating!

I've got you beat. DS got into CMU for CS and my aunt (living overseas) asked if we have the means to pay for a private school like that, why didn't DS apply to Yale? The next sentence was "is he not smart enough for Yale?".

Apparently her granddaughter, my niece, was advice by her counselor to apply to Yale but didn't due to financials. I guess that is the grudge my aunt has held for the last 10 years, the fact her granddaughter didn't and couldn't apply to Yale. If my son is smart enough, he should apply and be accepted by Yale. Guess what, my niece was WL'd by UVA 10 years ago and was accepted immediately after the parents emailed UVA to say they would pay full tuition as an international student.

What can you do to grandparents, parents or relatives who feel the need to give you advice about your child's college journey? Not a single thing, other than, smile and polite say "this is his decision on where to apply and where to enroll".