Rant: grandparents unrealistic expectations

[Anonymous]

My kids have known from a rather early age that their grandparents are completely out of it.

So for us this would not be an issue...

[Anonymous]

Yep tell them he applied and was rejected

[Anonymous]

Wow, is this the first time the grandparents said something unreasonable about your child rearing? Lucky you!

Otherwise, proceed as usual: smile, nod, ignore.

[Anonymous]

This is hard, I recently pulled admissions acceptance rates for 25 years ago just because I was curious and as expected acceptance rates were DRAMATICALLY higher. Just look it up and if you go back 30 years when many of us applied it is astounding to look at acceptance rates for T20 schools. It's helpful for older generations to understand this and bringing up the ivies is not helpful to kids. When you have a moment alone with the grandparents, share a few with them and how they compare to today to give them a little dose of reality. It's about finding a great school for your kid and celebrating his accomplishments and that is where you might help them focus if they want to be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, I recently pulled admissions acceptance rates for 25 years ago just because I was curious and as expected acceptance rates were DRAMATICALLY higher. Just look it up and if you go back 30 years when many of us applied it is astounding to look at acceptance rates for T20 schools. It's helpful for older generations to understand this and bringing up the ivies is not helpful to kids. When you have a moment alone with the grandparents, share a few with them and how they compare to today to give them a little dose of reality. It's about finding a great school for your kid and celebrating his accomplishments and that is where you might help them focus if they want to be supportive.

+1 Good advice. Although the immaturity of OP's post makes me think that this is just some high schooler trolling for kicks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, I recently pulled admissions acceptance rates for 25 years ago just because I was curious and as expected acceptance rates were DRAMATICALLY higher. Just look it up and if you go back 30 years when many of us applied it is astounding to look at acceptance rates for T20 schools. It's helpful for older generations to understand this and bringing up the ivies is not helpful to kids. When you have a moment alone with the grandparents, share a few with them and how they compare to today to give them a little dose of reality. It's about finding a great school for your kid and celebrating his accomplishments and that is where you might help them focus if they want to be supportive.

+1 Good advice. Although the immaturity of OP's post makes me think that this is just some high schooler trolling for kicks...

I don't see OP as immature. My parents are very supportive, loving grandparents, and they also had unrealistic expectations about my kid's college admissions. ("With those grades and scores, DS will get in anywhere!") On the bright side, they also paid attention when I mentioned (each time) that college admissions have changed since I applied. That helped in this difficult admissions year!

[Anonymous]

It's actually a common problem. My parents are the same and I had to have several conversations with my parents about the competitiveness of admissions these days. Part of what they can understand is more people want to go to college (when they were in high school, only 60% of their high school graduates went to college, women less), and the number of colleges is the same.

My dad is obsessed with his alma mater and wanted me to bring my kids to visit. He offered to take my kids on a trip to visit for a weekend. My older kid wanted a specific program that the college didn't have, so it was easy to say no.

Now he is on the younger kid. I literally had to take him aside - I told him - DS can't get into that school - he doesn't have the grades and he won't have the scores and he takes no AP. Please don't bring it up - he literally cannot get into it. Luckily, he stopped pushing.

I think they really just don't know and its better to tell the truth, show them Naviance or just google admissions and show them the new standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's actually a common problem. My parents are the same and I had to have several conversations with my parents about the competitiveness of admissions these days. Part of what they can understand is more people want to go to college (when they were in high school, only 60% of their high school graduates went to college, women less), and the number of colleges is the same.

My dad is obsessed with his alma mater and wanted me to bring my kids to visit. He offered to take my kids on a trip to visit for a weekend. My older kid wanted a specific program that the college didn't have, so it was easy to say no.

Now he is on the younger kid. I literally had to take him aside - I told him - DS can't get into that school - he doesn't have the grades and he won't have the scores and he takes no AP. Please don't bring it up - he literally cannot get into it. Luckily, he stopped pushing.

I think they really just don't know and its better to tell the truth, show them Naviance or just google admissions and show them the new standards.

I agree, common problem. I went to an Ivy and my mom just tonight was talking about my DS (9th grade) going to Harvard, etc...She’s not even all that into the idea of a prestige school but she just assumes that since he’s a really good student, probably even better than I was, he’s going to easily get into a ton of schools like I did. I’ve tried to explain how things have changed and managing expectations but she only sort of gets it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have the same issue with the grandparents. They have basically said the same exact things to my DC. Now I just change the topic because they just don’t get it.

My mom, who was not paying, told my kid not to think about costs when making his choice.

[Anonymous]

I love this thread because I’m imagining my ex-MIL saying all the negative shit above. Woo hoo! Don’t have to hear it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior. 4.2 Weighted GPA, 1210 SAT (taking again in the fall), 3 APs so far with 3 more next year. Limited ECs - nothing out of the ordinary. Not an URM, not full pay...Wants to be a computer science major. Very introverted, typical geeky gamer kid.

He wants a large campus. We are trying to set expectations around state schools like George Mason, Penn State, Pitt, uDelaware, Rutgers, Virginia Tech etc. Even some of those aren’t guaranteed... meanwhile, my in laws keep telling him to apply to IVYs, Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon (as a “safety”).

I love my kid but he is not getting into Harvard with his stats. What’s the best way to set realistic expectations for him, and his grandparents?

Some of them are not guaranteed? Sorry to break it to you, but unless the SATs go up quite a bit several of them are guaranteed "no" . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a junior. 4.2 Weighted GPA, 1210 SAT (taking again in the fall), 3 APs so far with 3 more next year. Limited ECs - nothing out of the ordinary. Not an URM, not full pay...Wants to be a computer science major. Very introverted, typical geeky gamer kid.

He wants a large campus. We are trying to set expectations around state schools like George Mason, Penn State, Pitt, uDelaware, Rutgers, Virginia Tech etc. Even some of those aren’t guaranteed... meanwhile, my in laws keep telling him to apply to IVYs, Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon (as a “safety”).

I love my kid but he is not getting into Harvard with his stats. What’s the best way to set realistic expectations for him, and his grandparents?

Some of them are not guaranteed? Sorry to break it to you, but unless the SATs go up quite a bit several of them are guaranteed "no" . . .

Ummm you have NO idea what you are talking about. The kids stats are perfect or even higher for all of these schools. Add Temple and Wake Forest to his list too. He will be fine. It’s not all about the SAT. Actually, you likely won’t have to submit if he is class of 2022

[Anonymous]

that sounds annoying, OP.

I would just make sure your kid understands that grandma and grandpa are living in the past when college admissions was completely different and they love him and just want best for him, then teach him and yourself to politely change the subject.

[Anonymous]

Well at least it's just the grandparents. In our case, it's my husband! He thinks DS should be able to get in most places with mostly As and A-s, maybe 5 APs by end of senior year, a sport and above average SATs. "He can still make it into one of the ivy's or the military academies (his big thing) if he just Aces the last two years." Ugh. He graduated high school in the 80's - he has no clue no matter how I try to inform him. He says I'm just a negative Nancy. Poor kid is going to end up with anxiety at this rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well at least it's just the grandparents. In our case, it's my husband! He thinks DS should be able to get in most places with mostly As and A-s, maybe 5 APs by end of senior year, a sport and above average SATs. "He can still make it into one of the ivy's or the military academies (his big thing) if he just Aces the last two years." Ugh. He graduated high school in the 80's - he has no clue no matter how I try to inform him. He says I'm just a negative Nancy. Poor kid is going to end up with anxiety at this rate.

Made me laugh. Manage him! Show him the Naviance.