Rant: grandparents unrealistic expectations
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DS is a junior. 4.2 Weighted GPA, 1210 SAT (taking again in the fall), 3 APs so far with 3 more next year. Limited ECs - nothing out of the ordinary. Not an URM, not full pay...Wants to be a computer science major. Very introverted, typical geeky gamer kid.
He wants a large campus. We are trying to set expectations around state schools like George Mason, Penn State, Pitt, uDelaware, Rutgers, Virginia Tech etc. Even some of those aren’t guaranteed... meanwhile, my in laws keep telling him to apply to IVYs, Stanford, MIT, and Carnegie Mellon (as a “safety”). I love my kid but he is not getting into Harvard with his stats. What’s the best way to set realistic expectations for him, and his grandparents? |
Anonymous
| Why are you having these conversations with your parents? It isn't their business. You seriously need to look at your boundary settings. |
Anonymous
| Explain how admissions are different. They are thinking of 50 years ago and they don’t get it. |
Anonymous
| Tell them that a 4.2 isn’t that great anymore. He needs perfect SATs almost to get into IVys. Tell them to butt out. |
Anonymous
| We have the same issue with the grandparents. They have basically said the same exact things to my DC. Now I just change the topic because they just don’t get it. |
Anonymous
|
“Mom and Dad. This is a very stressful time at our house. And requirements and rules for college entrance have changed so much since I was in high school that a lot of your info— especially in CS— is outdated. I promise we are doing all we can to help him attend a good school for him.
Larlo has a great relationship with you both, and I am asking you— PLEASE— keep you opinions about his college decision to yourself.” — signed, many years of therapy over boundaries. |
Anonymous
| Just nod and say ok....then ignore. |
Anonymous
| Just say ok and then when your kid doesn’t apply have an excuse too cold too far too expensive etc. |
Anonymous
|
My sister’s DC attended a competitive private school in a different city.
I attended a college counseling session, and the head of counseling recommended a structure limit on sharing college application info with relatives, A few I remember: There are a few colleges where I think I could be happy. Thanks, Aunt Tilly, I’ll definitely keep your suggestion in mind. I’ll definitely let you know as soon as I’ve made a decision. Trick is to keep tone level, and then change the subject. |
Anonymous
| A strict limit on sharing... |
Anonymous
Just ignore them. Way back when Ivy's were a much bigger deal. Your choices are all good for a computer science major. They have a good GPA and good SAT. Be proud. You don't need Ivy's for CS. |
Anonymous
OP isn't. They are talking to their grandchild about it. OP (or better, OP's spouse) really does need to straighten them out. |
Anonymous
| MIT publishes its admissions statistics by standardized test score. Perhaps if you show them that only 1% of applicants with SAT math between 700 and 740 were admitted and 0% of applicants with a math score below 700 were admitted that might open their eyes. Even above 740 it's something like a 10% admit rate. |
Anonymous
|
"Larlo, if you had been a Harvard applicant when I was in high school, you probably would have gotten in. But the times have really changed, and Meemaw and Grampy just don't understand. Just be polite to them when they give you advice that doesn't make sense, and know that they are so proud of you."
"Mom and Dad, the times have really changed. Despite his accomplishments, it's not possible for Larlo to get into Harvard. Can you please stop harping on that, because I'm worried he'll start to think that you aren't proud of him, and I know that you are." |
Anonymous
| How important is their opinion to you or your child? Are they planning to help with tuition? These are real issues that may factor into the approach you take with them... |