Heartbreak over loss of dream home

[Anonymous]

There is no dream home. Lose that silly idea, that will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to share, we lost what I thought was our dream house in 2013. The house went $150,000 over asking and was above our ideal budget to begin with.

It ended up a blessing in disguise because we ended up with a larger house, amazing back yard and amazing location for significantly less, and we got lucky bc we were the first bid in at asking price and they accepted it. FWIW, we had an inspection and it didn’t catch the mold and a bunch of other things, so we ended up having to sink more money in the house than we had anticipated, but that’s home ownership for you.

I’m confident you’ll find the right home that’s even more suited for you than the one you lost.

Same situation with us. We bought a different house in the same neighborhood and would just cringe at the house we thought was perfect for us. Things will work out.

[Anonymous]

If this is heartbreak, you are blessed with a wonderful life. That’s good. I know you’ll find a wonderful house and make it yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s going to be ok. Just be patient. Try to not get lost in this crazy market. Have a long term view. I know you are pregnant and you are in a hurry but try to stay centered.
We lost many houses back in the early 2000s, we panicked and we ended up compromising on a lot of issues: location, inspection, cost of the house.
It has been a convenient house and it has appreciated a lot. I’m grateful. However, it has never felt like our dream house and I think with patience we could have found something better for us.
Be patient, you’ll get your dream house. Take care.

Thought we were the only ones. We never really ever found a house that was a dream house, I think our budget and location just worked out that we would always be competing for ugly ducklings.

We compromised a great deal, did some renovation, but the house still has plenty of warts. But keeps us dry and is good location for schools and has a patch of yard which the kids love, so it will work. I grew up in much worse, so no complaints.

But I would warn against forever hoping for the "better" home in the future. That was definitely not what we saw. I think for our budget, we ended up with a decent compromise; I think our best play would have been to stretch our budget some more but that only works if you are already holding back (we wanted to allow DW to downshift to a part-time job for example). I've been watching our market for years after, and nothing came on the market which we would have liked more in our budget (some were definitely nicer above our budget).

In short, I would counsel stop with this nonsense about what a house is "worth". If you really like a house, even if its not the dream house, put in a hefty bid, and some highlander escalation clauses: $50k steps above the highest bid up to the tippy top of your budget. Basically you want to lop off the head of that all-cash offer with a cool $50k, and stop trying to guess what other crazy people are going to find it "worth" -- if you have the means and want the house, just get into a home and get out of the crazy market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll survive OP. We have a baby and a 4 year old in a 2 bedroom apartment. We can’t win a house despite our best efforts. Trust me, it’s much more difficult with older kids in small spaces than infants. You don’t have to find a house before you have your baby. They are mobile and travel to open houses well. 4 year olds however are another story.

Agree with this. OP, apartment is fine until age 2 or so. After that they need some space to run around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean this in the best possible way - if you call this a "heartbreak", you'll have no words left when someone close to you dies. Losing a house that was never yours is not a heartbreak for the sane. It's an inconvenience, a minor frutsration.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the house was not priced $200k over what it was “worth” since you and at least one other person were willing to pay that plus another $80k.

+1, People get too emotional about these decisions. It's "worth" what it sold for, not what you imagine it's worth.

+1
And it doesn't help that Op is preggers so she's overly emotional anyway.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a 3 bedroom with one bath....family of 5. I never felt bad about where I lived. You need to accept that if you are lucky to have a home, you are lucky enough.

[Anonymous]

It happens to nearly everyone. It will be okay.

[Anonymous]

You need a better realtor if 80k was what you thought

[Anonymous]

It happens to us all.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard but in the end it is just a house. Pregnancy hormones too! But ask yourself what “story” you’re telling yourself that makes you so upset. It sounds like you’ve got a track subconsciously running that says you need the “perfect” house to be a family. You don’t! And as others have said a baby can easily live in a space meant for 2 adults for a while

[Anonymous]

Well we got our dream home and it’s been a money pit. So.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are incredibly wealthy, patient, and your realtor is really savvy, it is very difficult/unlikely to get your “dream home.” Most people compromise or settle for less than they’d hoped in some way when buying a home. We just lost a bid on a house we really liked too and we have 2 young kids and are relocating to a different city so we are really anxious to move and get settled soon before the new school year starts. It is so hard to finally find a house—especially when inventory is so low—that you love, make what you think is a very strong offer and then still not get it. I get it. But there is no “dream home” for most people and if there is, you’d have to be very lucky to actually get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are incredibly wealthy, patient, and your realtor is really savvy, it is very difficult/unlikely to get your “dream home.” Most people compromise or settle for less than they’d hoped in some way when buying a home. We just lost a bid on a house we really liked too and we have 2 young kids and are relocating to a different city so we are really anxious to move and get settled soon before the new school year starts. It is so hard to finally find a house—especially when inventory is so low—that you love, make what you think is a very strong offer and then still not get it. I get it. But there is no “dream home” for most people and if there is, you’d have to be very lucky to actually get it.

+1

OP, you fell in love with a house and its possibilities. It's easy to do. Most of us bid on the houses we do because there is something about it that we like or fall in love with. And it can be really frustrating, all the way up to temporary heartbreak, when you lose out on those things. You're also in a particularly vulnerable spot right now, emotionally.

Deep breath. This is the nature of the market you are currently operating in. There will be other houses, and you will find things about them that you like/love just as much. Maybe more. And even if you don't, plenty of us have to *make* our houses into the places we like/love. I'm going through that with a home project right now, and it's so satisfying to see the transformation happening.