Options for elderly dog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

You people don't seem to understand the ills of old age. Some perfectly intelligent and intelligible people need diapers for quite a few years at the end of their life. My MIL is one. Don't equate incontinence with euthanasia.

Dogs are not people.

[Anonymous]

I had an 11yo cat with Feline Leukemia. She wasn’t expected to live that long. About 9-10yo, she started to leak urine when she slept. (They think the virus was affecting the bladder muscles) We just put waterproof padding down where she slept.

But then she started to leak wherever she walked. And we were cleaning the hardwood and carpeted floors all the time. And it just got to the point that the urine leaking was so bad and smelly and we just couldn’t keep up. And she’d never keep diapers on.

So we euthanized her. One of the worst days of my life. I’ve had to euthanize another cat. It was time and she let me know it was time. Putting her down was tough but peaceful. This cat was still spry and happy. The look in her eyes still haunts me. She was like “What’s going on? Why are you doing this?”

But it had to be done. There really was no other choice. We wrestled with it for months and months. So we did the only thing we could do. But it horrible and it sucks to be put in that position.

OP- do what you have to do know you’ve done everything humanly possible (like diapers or restricting water). Then, if it doesn’t work, make the tough decision. I think your dog would rather be put down a 1-2 years sooner, but with his family than being given up to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was all ready to type an all caps comment about what I think of you for even contemplating tossing your elderly dog who has been loyal to you since she was a puppy into a shelter or rescue because you can’t deal with her being elderly.

PLEASE don’t do that. If you can’t cope with the needs of an elderly dog, if she’s making your life miserable and you are all no doubt exuding hostility that she can sense, have the decency to take her to the vet for euthanasia. PLEASE! YOU OWE HER THAT. Be nice to her for a couple of days, take her out for a doggy ice cream and send her over the rainbow bridge.

This was the type of comment that I was expecting from the get-go, and maybe I deserve it, but when we got the dog 13+ years ago I had no concept of the degree to which having young children and other unanticipated stressors would subsequently stretch my capacity to care for additional being. At this point I just don’t feel like I have enough to give to go around and the stress of dealing with our dog and her issues is negatively impacting our family life and relationship with our children, so yes I resent her for it.

Hey it’s me again. I just want to clarify that my anger with you was about your contemplating surrendering her to rescue or shelter, not euthanizing.

I know how hard it is to care for elderly dogs, and I’ve done it without marital issues or a kids, much less a special needs kid. And I’ve never had to do it without a yard.

13 is good innings for the average American dog fed kibble and vaccinated annually. Pain is not the only indicator of quality of life for a pet, and it’s the hardest one to measure anyway because many cats and dogs hide pain very, very well (it’s instinctive) and many will continue eating when they don’t feel well, to the bitter end.

This dog’s quality of life is unlikely to get much better even if you poured money into her - but many vets would let you do so, just the same. You can’t afford to and it won’t improve her life much. Please know that the average lifespan for a cocker spaniel is 12-15 years, so your dog is smack dab there. It is okay to let her go, and don’t listen to the people saying nasty things about putting down incontinent elder humans - I am crazy about my dogs they are my everything, but they aren’t humans. And I do home health care with mostly elders and mostly people who are somewhere on the terminal spectrum and I can tell you that plenty of the lovely elderly people I have cared for with love and compassion have told me how much they hate the indignity of the final years being diapered and having to be wiped by caregivers because they can’t do it themselves. A great many elders would control their own end if it was an option for them. I hope very much it will be an option for me when the time comes.

So I’m sorry if I sounded mean, it was only about the rehoming or surrendering thing. Please don’t do that, it would be awful for her. You’re a newbie with dogs so here is what you do. Call your vet and tell them you need to let her go, that she is having all these issues she is agitated and incontinent and barking all the time and you’re pretty sure she has begun the slide into dementia, and that her care is becoming a real difficulty for your family. Tell the vet it is time for euthanasia. At her age and with that profile any decent vet will agree immediately to do that for you. Ask if they have an in home service (nicest if they do, it’s quiet at home and the place she is most familiar with) and if not make an appointment to bring her to the clinic.

Until that day you set aside your resentment and pour on the love - remember all the good times she brought into your life and turn those memories into affection. Take the day off for her last day and spend some time doing special things like a walk in the park and an ice cream for her, whatever her best day would look like at this age. Then you take her to the clinic and you bring her bed or favorite blanket and insist that she be on that on the floor or table, however the vet does it. AND YOU STAY THERE WITH HER TO THE LAST BREATH. Don’t be one of the people who drops their pet off and leaves it to die with a stranger holding it. You be right there with her be be patting her and calming here and whispering ‘good girl, sweet girl’ or whatever you always said to make her tail wag and fill her heart with adoration for you. It is not a horrible thing to see, the vet gives a drug intravenously (sometimes one, sometimes two) that that stops her heart, she takes a big breath and a big sigh and then she’s gone. That’s it. It’s not awful.

Believe me when I tell you that it’s just as important for you to be there for you as it is for her. I know a lot more people that live in guilt that they chickened out than people who regret being there - I don’t know anyone who regrets being there. It’s your final sacred obligation to this life you took stewardship of, and you ARE up to the task.

I’m sorry for your hurt. I’m sorry that you feel conflicted. That is normal. But it is okay to let your pup go, just don’t send her into the arms of strangers - I think it would be far worse to put her through rehoming than to euthanize her so close to the end of her natural lifespan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

You people don't seem to understand the ills of old age. Some perfectly intelligent and intelligible people need diapers for quite a few years at the end of their life. My MIL is one. Don't equate incontinence with euthanasia.

Are you talking about your human MIL and people or are we talking about dogs? I thought it was the latter so not sure how your comment pertains at all to the conversation unless...your MIL is a dog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

You people don't seem to understand the ills of old age. Some perfectly intelligent and intelligible people need diapers for quite a few years at the end of their life. My MIL is one. Don't equate incontinence with euthanasia.

Are you talking about your human MIL and people or are we talking about dogs? I thought it was the latter so not sure how your comment pertains at all to the conversation unless...your MIL is a dog?

Agreed, these comparisons to elder humans are ridiculous, unnecessary and cruel. Dogs are not humans.

And as I stated above, plenty of very elderly humans who are fully dependent on other humans beings to diaper them and clean their privates are profoundly depressed by that reality. Some may not care at all, but some do very much. So even if the conversation *was* about humans, your MIL is not the proxy for all elderly human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

You people don't seem to understand the ills of old age. Some perfectly intelligent and intelligible people need diapers for quite a few years at the end of their life. My MIL is one. Don't equate incontinence with euthanasia.

It's actually the people who PRECISELY understand the ills of old age and have been through the ringer with this, whether human or pet, who have the most mature, nuanced, and helpful perspectives. I suppose you should feel lucky you are not amongst those ranks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

You people don't seem to understand the ills of old age. Some perfectly intelligent and intelligible people need diapers for quite a few years at the end of their life. My MIL is one. Don't equate incontinence with euthanasia.

It's actually the people who PRECISELY understand the ills of old age and have been through the ringer with this, whether human or pet, who have the most mature, nuanced, and helpful perspectives. I suppose you should feel lucky you are not amongst those ranks.

I know if my Mom realized what was going on to her (dementia), she definitely would want to be euthanized. Dignity at death is not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was all ready to type an all caps comment about what I think of you for even contemplating tossing your elderly dog who has been loyal to you since she was a puppy into a shelter or rescue because you can’t deal with her being elderly.

PLEASE don’t do that. If you can’t cope with the needs of an elderly dog, if she’s making your life miserable and you are all no doubt exuding hostility that she can sense, have the decency to take her to the vet for euthanasia. PLEASE! YOU OWE HER THAT. Be nice to her for a couple of days, take her out for a doggy ice cream and send her over the rainbow bridge.

This was the type of comment that I was expecting from the get-go, and maybe I deserve it, but when we got the dog 13+ years ago I had no concept of the degree to which having young children and other unanticipated stressors would subsequently stretch my capacity to care for additional being. At this point I just don’t feel like I have enough to give to go around and the stress of dealing with our dog and her issues is negatively impacting our family life and relationship with our children, so yes I resent her for it.

Hey it’s me again. I just want to clarify that my anger with you was about your contemplating surrendering her to rescue or shelter, not euthanizing.

I know how hard it is to care for elderly dogs, and I’ve done it without marital issues or a kids, much less a special needs kid. And I’ve never had to do it without a yard.

13 is good innings for the average American dog fed kibble and vaccinated annually. Pain is not the only indicator of quality of life for a pet, and it’s the hardest one to measure anyway because many cats and dogs hide pain very, very well (it’s instinctive) and many will continue eating when they don’t feel well, to the bitter end.

This dog’s quality of life is unlikely to get much better even if you poured money into her - but many vets would let you do so, just the same. You can’t afford to and it won’t improve her life much. Please know that the average lifespan for a cocker spaniel is 12-15 years, so your dog is smack dab there. It is okay to let her go, and don’t listen to the people saying nasty things about putting down incontinent elder humans - I am crazy about my dogs they are my everything, but they aren’t humans. And I do home health care with mostly elders and mostly people who are somewhere on the terminal spectrum and I can tell you that plenty of the lovely elderly people I have cared for with love and compassion have told me how much they hate the indignity of the final years being diapered and having to be wiped by caregivers because they can’t do it themselves. A great many elders would control their own end if it was an option for them. I hope very much it will be an option for me when the time comes.

So I’m sorry if I sounded mean, it was only about the rehoming or surrendering thing. Please don’t do that, it would be awful for her. You’re a newbie with dogs so here is what you do. Call your vet and tell them you need to let her go, that she is having all these issues she is agitated and incontinent and barking all the time and you’re pretty sure she has begun the slide into dementia, and that her care is becoming a real difficulty for your family. Tell the vet it is time for euthanasia. At her age and with that profile any decent vet will agree immediately to do that for you. Ask if they have an in home service (nicest if they do, it’s quiet at home and the place she is most familiar with) and if not make an appointment to bring her to the clinic.

Until that day you set aside your resentment and pour on the love - remember all the good times she brought into your life and turn those memories into affection. Take the day off for her last day and spend some time doing special things like a walk in the park and an ice cream for her, whatever her best day would look like at this age. Then you take her to the clinic and you bring her bed or favorite blanket and insist that she be on that on the floor or table, however the vet does it. AND YOU STAY THERE WITH HER TO THE LAST BREATH. Don’t be one of the people who drops their pet off and leaves it to die with a stranger holding it. You be right there with her be be patting her and calming here and whispering ‘good girl, sweet girl’ or whatever you always said to make her tail wag and fill her heart with adoration for you. It is not a horrible thing to see, the vet gives a drug intravenously (sometimes one, sometimes two) that that stops her heart, she takes a big breath and a big sigh and then she’s gone. That’s it. It’s not awful.

Believe me when I tell you that it’s just as important for you to be there for you as it is for her. I know a lot more people that live in guilt that they chickened out than people who regret being there - I don’t know anyone who regrets being there. It’s your final sacred obligation to this life you took stewardship of, and you ARE up to the task.

I’m sorry for your hurt. I’m sorry that you feel conflicted. That is normal. But it is okay to let your pup go, just don’t send her into the arms of strangers - I think it would be far worse to put her through rehoming than to euthanize her so close to the end of her natural lifespan.

I’m the PP who euthanized my cat. And I have to agree, as painful as it was to see the confusion in her eyes, no regrets for being there with her until the end.
Do a search on in-home euthanasia. Vets will come to your house. There are Covid protocols, but many are still making house calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have made up your mind and want reassurance that having the dog put down is OK, right?

No- I honestly don’t have a plan, just grasping for options. I really don’t think I would be able to euthanize her when she doesn’t seem to be in pain. I wish we knew someone we could give her to with a fenced backyard/dog door setup like a pp described but we don’t have any family/friends that would fit the bill. I assume if we surrendered her to a rescue (if that’s even a possibility) she would still probably end up being put down?

Yes, she would be put down. An honest organization will tell you this before you hand her over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to euthanize. If I were in this situation where someone had to deal with my incontinence I’d want to check out. You have given her a good life.

You people don't seem to understand the ills of old age. Some perfectly intelligent and intelligible people need diapers for quite a few years at the end of their life. My MIL is one. Don't equate incontinence with euthanasia.

Are you talking about your human MIL and people or are we talking about dogs? I thought it was the latter so not sure how your comment pertains at all to the conversation unless...your MIL is a dog?

Lol! I love my animals but this is true. A vet would agree to euthanize under OP’s circumstances. That is how these situations are handled with animals. And they are animals.

[Anonymous]

23:25 says it all beautifully. It is ok to euthanize, but be there with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, flame away but we are at our wits end with our elderly dog and need to figure out an alternate solution before it completely breaks us. We’ve had her since she was a puppy and she has always been a great dog, but over that time we have had two children, one of whom is special needs, had to relocate to an apartment due to spouse’s job loss and are currently dealing with marital issues and a number of other stressors. In the meantime the dog has gotten elderly and developed bladder issues, barks to be taken out pretty much every hour, including throughout the night, and despite that constantly urinates throughout the house. We have taken her to multiple vets without a concrete diagnosis/solution and can’t afford to spend more money on testing but she doesn’t appear to be in pain. It’s gotten to the point that we just resent her, constantly bicker/are miserable about the situation, and on top of all the current stressors are at a tipping point. I know people are going to lambast me for trying to turn my back on a pet in its old age and given her issues don’t think rehoming is a realistic option but I feel like if something doesn’t give our family will crumble. Would really appreciate any suggestions of possible options.

How old is your dog? Have you tried medication or hormone therapy? The age of the dog will determine my advice.

[Anonymous]

Op, it is reasonable to put the dog down. The right time is when *you* are ready.

[Anonymous]

Euthanize your dog.
Do not add to her stress and confusion by trying to rehome her. It is very cruel to do that.

[Anonymous]

Our 11 yr old female dog is on stilbestril and she hasn't peed in the house or had any urgency issues since she started it. It's estrogen. We didn't need an expensive diagnosis. The vet says it's extremely common in older female dogs, so it's the easiest first try. Proin is the next step.

I would give medication a try if the only elderly issue is urination. 13 is getting up there though, so you won't be judged if you decide it's time for euthanasia.