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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I was all ready to type an all caps comment about what I think of you for even contemplating tossing your elderly dog who has been loyal to you since she was a puppy into a shelter or rescue because you can’t deal with her being elderly.

PLEASE don’t do that. If you can’t cope with the needs of an elderly dog, if she’s making your life miserable and you are all no doubt exuding hostility that she can sense, have the decency to take her to the vet for euthanasia. PLEASE! YOU OWE HER THAT. Be nice to her for a couple of days, take her out for a doggy ice cream and send her over the rainbow bridge. [/quote]

This was the type of comment that I was expecting from the get-go, and maybe I deserve it, but when we got  the dog 13+ years ago I had no concept of the degree to which having young children and other unanticipated stressors would subsequently stretch my capacity to care for additional being. At this point I just don’t feel like I have enough to give to go around and the stress of dealing with our dog and her issues is negatively impacting our family life and relationship with our children, so yes I resent her for it.[/quote]

Hey it’s me again. I just want to clarify that my anger with you was about your contemplating surrendering her to rescue or shelter, not euthanizing.

I know how hard it is to care for elderly dogs, and I’ve done it without marital issues or a kids, much less a special needs kid. And I’ve never had to do it without a yard.

13 is good innings for the average American dog fed kibble and vaccinated annually. Pain is not the only indicator of quality of life for a pet, and it’s the  hardest one to measure anyway because many cats and dogs hide pain very, very well (it’s instinctive) and many will continue eating when they don’t feel well, to the bitter end.

This dog’s quality of life is unlikely to get much better even if you poured money into her - but many vets would let you do so, just the same. You can’t afford to and it won’t improve her life much. Please know that the average lifespan for a cocker spaniel is 12-15 years, so your dog is smack dab there. It is okay to let her go, and don’t listen to the people saying nasty things about putting down incontinent elder humans - I am crazy about my dogs they are my everything, but they aren’t humans. And I do home health care with mostly elders and mostly people who are somewhere on the terminal spectrum and I can tell you that plenty of the lovely elderly people I have cared for with love and compassion have told me how much they hate the indignity of the final years being diapered and having to be wiped by caregivers because they can’t do it themselves. A great many elders would control their own end if it was an option for them. I hope very much it will be an option for me when the time comes.

So I’m sorry if I sounded mean, it was only about the rehoming or surrendering thing. Please don’t do that, it would be awful for her. You’re a newbie with dogs so here is what you do. Call your vet and tell them you need to let her go, that she is having all these issues she is agitated and incontinent and barking all the time and you’re pretty sure she has begun the slide into dementia, and that her care is becoming a real difficulty for your family. Tell the vet it is time for euthanasia. At her age and with that profile any decent vet will agree immediately to do that for you. Ask if they have an in home service (nicest if they do, it’s quiet at home and the place she is most familiar with) and if not make an appointment to bring her to the clinic.

Until that day you set aside your resentment and pour on the love - remember all the good times she brought into your life and turn those memories into affection. Take the day off for her last day and spend some time doing special things like a walk in the park and an ice cream for her, whatever her best day would look like at this age. Then you take her to the clinic and you bring her bed or favorite blanket and insist that she be on that on the floor or table, however the vet does it. AND YOU STAY THERE WITH HER TO THE LAST BREATH. Don’t be one of the people who drops their pet off and leaves it to die with a stranger holding it. You be right there with her be be patting her and calming here and whispering ‘good girl, sweet girl’ or whatever you always said to make her tail wag and fill her heart with adoration for you. It is not a horrible thing to see, the vet gives a drug intravenously (sometimes one, sometimes two) that that stops her heart, she takes a big breath and a big sigh and then she’s gone. That’s it. It’s not awful.

Believe me when I tell you that it’s just as important for you to be there for you as it is for her. I know a lot more people that live in guilt that they chickened out than people who regret being there - I don’t know anyone who regrets being there. It’s your final sacred obligation to this life you took stewardship of, and you ARE up to the task.

I’m sorry for your hurt. I’m sorry that you feel conflicted. That is normal. But it is okay to let your pup go, just don’t send her into the arms of strangers - I think it would be far worse to put her through rehoming than to euthanize her so close to the end of her natural lifespan.

[/quote]

I’m the PP who euthanized my cat. And I have to agree, as painful as it was to see the confusion in her eyes, no regrets for being there with her until the end. 
Do a search on in-home euthanasia. Vets will come to your house. There are Covid protocols, but many are still making house calls. [/quote]

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