If you went to an Ivy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We clearly travel in different circles. Some of my friends were also Ivy people, some not. No one projects our experiences onto the next generation.

Find better friends.

OP here. This is actually where I was going with my question. If I said “no, she visited and is not interested” (which is true), shouldn’t that be enough? I actually have no idea whether she would be admitted IF she applied. She is a strong student, but she is not applying. I feel like it is somehow more important to the “friend” than me - or even DC! I suspected it might have been malicious, in a not so passive aggressive manner.

Who keeps asking such a question and why? Weird.

That would be off-putting. You can tell when a person is asking from place of malice and intends to gossip about your child, and it is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We clearly travel in different circles. Some of my friends were also Ivy people, some not. No one projects our experiences onto the next generation.

Find better friends.

OP here. This is actually where I was going with my question. If I said “no, she visited and is not interested” (which is true), shouldn’t that be enough? I actually have no idea whether she would be admitted IF she applied. She is a strong student, but she is not applying. I feel like it is somehow more important to the “friend” than me - or even DC! I suspected it might have been malicious, in a not so passive aggressive manner.

Who keeps asking such a question and why? Weird.

That would be off-putting. You can tell when a person is asking from place of malice and intends to gossip about your child, and it is sad.

OP here. I think so, too. I guess I was trying to deny that it was malicious, so I wanted to know what other people thought. Our family is happy when our friends get into the college that they wanted, and that fit them the best. Am I being unreasonable? What kind of parent does that - are they just a gossip or worse? It doesn't seem very friend-like to me, and maybe I tend to think that people are good, or at least not malicious, so it is baffling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. We all joke that we wouldn't get in today (which is true, ouch) lol.

+1

Same.

+2 also, whilst I gently nudged DC towards my alma mater neither had any interest at all. They both ended up at the college where they belong and all is well.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. We all joke that we wouldn't get in today (which is true, ouch) lol.

+1

Same.

+2 also, whilst I gently nudged DC towards my alma mater neither had any interest at all. They both ended up at the college where they belong and all is well.

+3

+4

What would you do if you were asked several times if your child was attending your Ivy, even and especially after you answered no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tangent comment. One thing I had to discover and convey to my child is that my SAT score from the late 1980s is on a different scale than now. My original SAT score is well below what my college has as its average SAT now.

Child thought that my SAT, which was really pretty good for the 1980s, was sort of mediocre. As a result, child kept suggesting I did not study hard, and so child need not study hard either. Child also used it as excuse to suggest that college was completely different then, so my opinions are meritless. Once I found a few webpages showing the conversion factor, child gained a little more respect for my score and my opinions.

Teens like to think we know nothing, but that’s not quite right.

Its weird that you told your kid your SAT score. Are in competing with your child?

I don't even remember mine.

Kid asked; I answered. I think they were trying to suss out whether I’d get into my college today. I dunno if it’s weird that I remember my score. My partner remembers theirs. So all I have to go on is a sample of two.

It's not weird, both my spouse and I remember ours and our child asked as well, what are we going to do, say none of your business?

IME, people with good scores remember theirs! Like the phone number you grew up with.

[Anonymous]

I know many H and Y alums. Most of their kids don't get in, even when they have very strong records. But big donors' kids do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We clearly travel in different circles. Some of my friends were also Ivy people, some not. No one projects our experiences onto the next generation.

Find better friends.

OP here. This is actually where I was going with my question. If I said “no, she visited and is not interested” (which is true), shouldn’t that be enough? I actually have no idea whether she would be admitted IF she applied. She is a strong student, but she is not applying. I feel like it is somehow more important to the “friend” than me - or even DC! I suspected it might have been malicious, in a not so passive aggressive manner.

Who keeps asking such a question and why? Weird.

That would be off-putting. You can tell when a person is asking from place of malice and intends to gossip about your child, and it is sad.

OP here. I think so, too. I guess I was trying to deny that it was malicious, so I wanted to know what other people thought. Our family is happy when our friends get into the college that they wanted, and that fit them the best. Am I being unreasonable? What kind of parent does that - are they just a gossip or worse? It doesn't seem very friend-like to me, and maybe I tend to think that people are good, or at least not malicious, so it is baffling.

Are you being asked multiple times in the same conversation?

If it’s happened every time you see each other at baseball games or something, perhaps your friend just isn’t a good listener and is asking again because she doesn’t remember that they asked you before.

My DH - who is very detail oriented at work, but a bit spacey socially- tells people the same stories over and over, asks same questions, etc, because he doesn’t mentally keep track of who he has and hasn’t told the stories to. It’s a little embarrassing when he does it to people we know well, but it’s not really meant to be rude - he does the same to me.

[Anonymous]

I avoid any discussion about children's grades, college applications, college funds, or career choices with my friends and/or even extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tangent comment. One thing I had to discover and convey to my child is that my SAT score from the late 1980s is on a different scale than now. My original SAT score is well below what my college has as its average SAT now.

Child thought that my SAT, which was really pretty good for the 1980s, was sort of mediocre. As a result, child kept suggesting I did not study hard, and so child need not study hard either. Child also used it as excuse to suggest that college was completely different then, so my opinions are meritless. Once I found a few webpages showing the conversion factor, child gained a little more respect for my score and my opinions.

Teens like to think we know nothing, but that’s not quite right.

Its weird that you told your kid your SAT score. Are in competing with your child?

I don't even remember mine.

Kid asked; I answered. I think they were trying to suss out whether I’d get into my college today. I dunno if it’s weird that I remember my score. My partner remembers theirs. So all I have to go on is a sample of two.

It's not weird, both my spouse and I remember ours and our child asked as well, what are we going to do, say none of your business?

IME, people with good scores remember theirs! Like the phone number you grew up with.

I guess the phone number I had growing up wasn't very good because I can't remember it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We clearly travel in different circles. Some of my friends were also Ivy people, some not. No one projects our experiences onto the next generation.

Find better friends.

OP here. This is actually where I was going with my question. If I said “no, she visited and is not interested” (which is true), shouldn’t that be enough? I actually have no idea whether she would be admitted IF she applied. She is a strong student, but she is not applying. I feel like it is somehow more important to the “friend” than me - or even DC! I suspected it might have been malicious, in a not so passive aggressive manner.

Who keeps asking such a question and why? Weird.

That would be off-putting. You can tell when a person is asking from place of malice and intends to gossip about your child, and it is sad.

OP here. I think so, too. I guess I was trying to deny that it was malicious, so I wanted to know what other people thought. Our family is happy when our friends get into the college that they wanted, and that fit them the best. Am I being unreasonable? What kind of parent does that - are they just a gossip or worse? It doesn't seem very friend-like to me, and maybe I tend to think that people are good, or at least not malicious, so it is baffling.

OP, I would also say that you have the experience that other's here don't, past experiences, body language, voice inflection etc....I would say if this individual has been catty in your other experiences than probably malice, if a good enough relationship that you call them a friend than maybe a lapse in judgement and disregard and call them on it if it happens again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse and I went to same ivy (met after!), and only 1 of our respective friends has a child who is going there - several have kids who were rejected, and most didn't apply. Of our friends in DC, most attended ivy or similar caliber colleges and I'd say same for their kids - a few attend but most don't. So I'd say most of my friends know how competitive it is to be accepted at these colleges nowadays and like PPs have said, we joke that we probably wouldn't get in today.

It's definitely more competitive now and I'm sure I wouldn't get into my alma mater. I'm sure a lot of my classmates would like their kids to attend and honestly I would be thrilled if my kids went, but I am fully prepared that they likely will not. Legacy does give a leg up up at my college -- I think the admissions rate is something like 30% versus the regular 5% -- but every alum thinks that their kid will go but still 2/3 of the legacies will be rejected. At any rate, I have years to go before college decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tangent comment. One thing I had to discover and convey to my child is that my SAT score from the late 1980s is on a different scale than now. My original SAT score is well below what my college has as its average SAT now.

Child thought that my SAT, which was really pretty good for the 1980s, was sort of mediocre. As a result, child kept suggesting I did not study hard, and so child need not study hard either. Child also used it as excuse to suggest that college was completely different then, so my opinions are meritless. Once I found a few webpages showing the conversion factor, child gained a little more respect for my score and my opinions.

Teens like to think we know nothing, but that’s not quite right.

Its weird that you told your kid your SAT score. Are in competing with your child?

I don't even remember mine.

Kid asked; I answered. I think they were trying to suss out whether I’d get into my college today. I dunno if it’s weird that I remember my score. My partner remembers theirs. So all I have to go on is a sample of two.

It's not weird, both my spouse and I remember ours and our child asked as well, what are we going to do, say none of your business?

What scores did you get?

[Anonymous]

I recently discussed this with my college friends, and we all want our kids to have a less stressful, more mentally healthy college experience.

[Anonymous]

Double Ivy here—wouldn’t get into either one today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We clearly travel in different circles. Some of my friends were also Ivy people, some not. No one projects our experiences onto the next generation.

Find better friends.

OP here. This is actually where I was going with my question. If I said “no, she visited and is not interested” (which is true), shouldn’t that be enough? I actually have no idea whether she would be admitted IF she applied. She is a strong student, but she is not applying. I feel like it is somehow more important to the “friend” than me - or even DC! I suspected it might have been malicious, in a not so passive aggressive manner.

Who keeps asking such a question and why? Weird.

That would be off-putting. You can tell when a person is asking from place of malice and intends to gossip about your child, and it is sad.

OP here. I think so, too. I guess I was trying to deny that it was malicious, so I wanted to know what other people thought. Our family is happy when our friends get into the college that they wanted, and that fit them the best. Am I being unreasonable? What kind of parent does that - are they just a gossip or worse? It doesn't seem very friend-like to me, and maybe I tend to think that people are good, or at least not malicious, so it is baffling.

Are you being asked multiple times in the same conversation?

If it’s happened every time you see each other at baseball games or something, perhaps your friend just isn’t a good listener and is asking again because she doesn’t remember that they asked you before.

My DH - who is very detail oriented at work, but a bit spacey socially- tells people the same stories over and over, asks same questions, etc, because he doesn’t mentally keep track of who he has and hasn’t told the stories to. It’s a little embarrassing when he does it to people we know well, but it’s not really meant to be rude - he does the same to me.

I am asked both multiple times during the same conversation (ie: within the hour) and at different times (multiple times), which is why it occurred to me that it might be deliberate and possibly malicious. DH thinks thinks so.