How do do you handle couple friendships when the wife is very racist?

[Anonymous]

What is there for you to handle? He’s not a child, he’s an adult and can decide who his friends are. And honestly, I think I agree with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither my husband nor I would stay friends with them. Even if the husband isn't saying the racist things he knows she's saying them and condones them by not speaking out against her and staying with a racist woman.

DH and I are white, but we will NOT associate with racists. It just goes against who we are and what we believe in.

Did you get your little trophy yet?

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing the DH has said some or done some questionable things. His wife’s overt behavior is the push your DH needs to no longer associate with the husband.

[Anonymous]

I find it really odd that your husband is the one making the choice to protect you and your kids and you are pressing him to remain friends with the enabler of a racist who is saying harmful things to your kids. This might be something worth unpacking with a therapist and not on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it really odd that your husband is the one making the choice to protect you and your kids and you are pressing him to remain friends with the enabler of a racist who is saying harmful things to your kids. This might be something worth unpacking with a therapist and not on DCUM.

I wonder if OP or her DH benefits from the relationship with the husband. What are you getting out of this friendship that makes you not want to end it, OP? Are the men co-workers? Do they let you use their beach house? Does he take your husband golfing?

[Anonymous]

Trust your husband. He suggests pulling away altogether. He knows his friend best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a good friend of about 20 yrs who's wife is so blatantly racist I no longer want to do couple things or playdates with her and kids. The husband is fine, although very privileged and sheltered. The wife just seems mean spirited like telling my kids and parents (who are not white) not go to a certain beach in the area because there are too many immigrants there or mentioning she didn't like her old neighborhood because black kids harassed her. My husband agrees she's awful and wants to stay far away but also doesn't want to associate with his friend anymore. I think he should still see his friend, he disagrees and feels if the friend tolerates his wife he must be the same. How would you handle this?

So she was harassed by certain people and telling you that is racist?

Or saying a beach or park is overrun with XYZ immigrants speaking XYZ is racist?

Wow.

Last time we went to an XYZ beach my spouse accidentally went to out our cooler into our truck and went for the wrong suv. The trunk opened and there were tied up XYZ immigrants plus a couple not tied smoking marijuana. He quickly closed the trunk and everyone calls him a racist now.