AFrican American Son in Private/Independent School

[Anonymous]

If your AA kids at Sidwell have wealthy parents you're probably ok. Wealth is the dividing factor at top DC privates, not race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not AA or even American but my kids are in private schools and, being foreigners and definitely on the bottom rung of socioeconomic levels at these schools, I am quite attuned to how diversity is approached. All the schools tout their diversity programs, make sure 'diverse' kids grace the covers of their marketing products, and do genuinely welcome POC but I would really pay attention to how many AA faculty members they have and how many black or brown faces you see when you tour the schools.

That’s racist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your AA kids at Sidwell have wealthy parents you're probably ok. Wealth is the dividing factor at top DC privates, not race.

I wouldn't go this far. This is kind of like telling a transgender teen, your parents are wealthy, so you should be ok, nothing to experience or to be felt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of my AA sons are at SFS lower school and love it. We have been there 4 years and so far no problems. This year the school has stepped up in terms of addressing race and inequality. To be honest, I have no nonsense children who have a strong sense of who they are. If you have a confident child, I am sure they will thrive at any school.

Are you Black?

All skinfolk aren’t kinfolk.

True. To me, it sounded like it was coming from a non-black parent.

I wrote the original post and I am black and my husband is black. WTF is wrong you? Cause we aren't screaming claims of being mistreated my black card is being questioned. GTFOH, I teach my kids to stand up for themselves and confront bullshit like what you and your sidekick here has peddled. But oh yeah, we not kinfolk.

This isn't the place for this conversation. If you want advice, I would seek it out from your circle or ask to speak with black folks at those schools. Of course, this statement "[I]f you have a confident child, I am sure they will thrive at any school" isn't true. But, PP, I'm glad your sons are thriving.

And that's where you are wrong. Too much goes unchecked on this blog. Choose to step out there with ignorance if you want and don't be surprised when you are addressed with truth.

First, calm down. Second, calm all the way down. I'm saying the initial question really isn't appropriate for this forum. OP, I would suggest speaking with black folks at your schools of interest and reaching out to folks in your circle.

PP, separately, you said that a confident child can thrive no matter where they are, black folks know that is a categorically wrong statement. There's a wealth of scholarship that refutes that statement not to mention the history of racism in this country. But, it looks like your child is thriving, so good for you. I am happy your sons are doing well. Perhaps, PP shouldn't have said you weren't black. But, your statement was frankly inaccurate and demonstrated a lack of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not AA or even American but my kids are in private schools and, being foreigners and definitely on the bottom rung of socioeconomic levels at these schools, I am quite attuned to how diversity is approached. All the schools tout their diversity programs, make sure 'diverse' kids grace the covers of their marketing products, and do genuinely welcome POC but I would really pay attention to how many AA faculty members they have and how many black or brown faces you see when you tour the schools.

That’s racist

Is it? How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of my AA sons are at SFS lower school and love it. We have been there 4 years and so far no problems. This year the school has stepped up in terms of addressing race and inequality. To be honest, I have no nonsense children who have a strong sense of who they are. If you have a confident child, I am sure they will thrive at any school.

Are you Black?

All skinfolk aren’t kinfolk.

True. To me, it sounded like it was coming from a non-black parent.

I wrote the original post and I am black and my husband is black. WTF is wrong you? Cause we aren't screaming claims of being mistreated my black card is being questioned. GTFOH, I teach my kids to stand up for themselves and confront bullshit like what you and your sidekick here has peddled. But oh yeah, we not kinfolk.

NP here. I think the issue is that some schools are more proactive than others at acknowledging and addressing symptoms of racism or related aggressions against students. Some do a better job protecting and teaching kids on these issues. It is great that your kids are confident and thriving! It sounds like the positives outweigh the negatives for your family. I suspect that you are already giving your kids opportunities to be in social environments where their race is either a complete non-issue or celebrated. But your comment could have the unintended effect of minimizing these concerns, as overcome simply by being a confident kid. I think parents are correct to look into these issues when considering a school, regardless of their kid's personality. I ultimately took my kid out of private in part because I was worried about the effect of the cumulative, though often subtle, messaging that was imbedded in daily life. My child did not ask to leave the school. But I also know as an adult that you can't hear certain things on a regular basis and not be affected by it in some way, no matter how strong you are.

I had a strong sense of who I was growing up and consider myself a confident person. But I still struggled with the dynamics as a black student at predominantly white private school. My parents would never have guessed how much I was managing. They taught me how to stand up for myself, which has been useful in life. I managed it as "successfully" as possible. But I got out of that environment the moment that I had a choice. In other words, don't assume that just because your kids are thriving, that they are aren't also internalizing terrible messages, and struggling in certain ways. Don't assume that they would share it with you. If they know you see them as strong and confident, they may be concerned that sharing this stuff will change your view of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not AA or even American but my kids are in private schools and, being foreigners and definitely on the bottom rung of socioeconomic levels at these schools, I am quite attuned to how diversity is approached. All the schools tout their diversity programs, make sure 'diverse' kids grace the covers of their marketing products, and do genuinely welcome POC but I would really pay attention to how many AA faculty members they have and how many black or brown faces you see when you tour the schools.

That’s racist

Is it? How?

You are being trolled. Ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of my AA sons are at SFS lower school and love it. We have been there 4 years and so far no problems. This year the school has stepped up in terms of addressing race and inequality. To be honest, I have no nonsense children who have a strong sense of who they are. If you have a confident child, I am sure they will thrive at any school.

Are you Black?

All skinfolk aren’t kinfolk.

True. To me, it sounded like it was coming from a non-black parent.

I wrote the original post and I am black and my husband is black. WTF is wrong you? Cause we aren't screaming claims of being mistreated my black card is being questioned. GTFOH, I teach my kids to stand up for themselves and confront bullshit like what you and your sidekick here has peddled. But oh yeah, we not kinfolk.

NP here. I think the issue is that some schools are more proactive than others at acknowledging and addressing symptoms of racism or related aggressions against students. Some do a better job protecting and teaching kids on these issues. It is great that your kids are confident and thriving! It sounds like the positives outweigh the negatives for your family. I suspect that you are already giving your kids opportunities to be in social environments where their race is either a complete non-issue or celebrated. But your comment could have the unintended effect of minimizing these concerns, as overcome simply by being a confident kid. I think parents are correct to look into these issues when considering a school, regardless of their kid's personality. I ultimately took my kid out of private in part because I was worried about the effect of the cumulative, though often subtle, messaging that was imbedded in daily life. My child did not ask to leave the school. But I also know as an adult that you can't hear certain things on a regular basis and not be affected by it in some way, no matter how strong you are.

I had a strong sense of who I was growing up and consider myself a confident person. But I still struggled with the dynamics as a black student at predominantly white private school. My parents would never have guessed how much I was managing. They taught me how to stand up for myself, which has been useful in life. I managed it as "successfully" as possible. But I got out of that environment the moment that I had a choice. In other words, don't assume that just because your kids are thriving, that they are aren't also internalizing terrible messages, and struggling in certain ways. Don't assume that they would share it with you. If they know you see as strong and confident, they may be concerned that sharing this stuff will change your view of them.

Thank you NP for your post. The pp stepped out there with the kin-folk comment which wasn't called for and just ignorant. What your children will experience in these schools as a minority is no different than what I and others have had to experience in the workplace. Yes, children do not have the coping mechanisms as adults, but this is the reality of the situation and unless the world chooses to change overnight, there will be additional encounters. As a parent who has had my children in both DCPS and private schools, you are just trading evils amongst the two to be frankly honest. Parents have a plausible concern to be worried concerning race relations in privates. I would encourage those not to walk away from the school, but blatantly confront the issue. If your child is impacted, any sensible parent would agree your child's mental health comes first.

[Anonymous]

NP. I'm just here to express support for the 10:23 GTFOH poster. Those PP's who were suggesting you weren't black enough needed to be stepped on. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Black son at GDS and we have been happy.

[Anonymous]

Interesting post about Sidwell. I do think parents with money at these schools vs. parents who are on aid do create another type of dichotomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both of my AA sons are at SFS lower school and love it. We have been there 4 years and so far no problems. This year the school has stepped up in terms of addressing race and inequality. To be honest, I have no nonsense children who have a strong sense of who they are. If you have a confident child, I am sure they will thrive at any school.

Are you Black?

All skinfolk aren’t kinfolk.

True. To me, it sounded like it was coming from a non-black parent.

I wrote the original post and I am black and my husband is black. WTF is wrong you? Cause we aren't screaming claims of being mistreated my black card is being questioned. GTFOH, I teach my kids to stand up for themselves and confront bullshit like what you and your sidekick here has peddled. But oh yeah, we not kinfolk.

This isn't the place for this conversation. If you want advice, I would seek it out from your circle or ask to speak with black folks at those schools. Of course, this statement "[I]f you have a confident child, I am sure they will thrive at any school" isn't true. But, PP, I'm glad your sons are thriving.

And that's where you are wrong. Too much goes unchecked on this blog. Choose to step out there with ignorance if you want and don't be surprised when you are addressed with truth.

First, calm down. Second, calm all the way down. I'm saying the initial question really isn't appropriate for this forum. OP, I would suggest speaking with black folks at your schools of interest and reaching out to folks in your circle.

PP, separately, you said that a confident child can thrive no matter where they are, black folks know that is a categorically wrong statement. There's a wealth of scholarship that refutes that statement not to mention the history of racism in this country. But, it looks like your child is thriving, so good for you. I am happy your sons are doing well. Perhaps, PP shouldn't have said you weren't black. But, your statement was frankly inaccurate and demonstrated a lack of empathy.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a black mother of biracial girls, I understand the question. We like to pretend that all non-whites get the same treatment but very light-skinned blacks like Meghan Markle generally meet with greater social acceptance in the broader society.

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Look for a school with a diverse leadership team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look for a school with a diverse leadership team.

Yup. Also look for school that emphasizes participation and fun. Black boys are always more aggressively punished for “disruptive behavior” so look for schools where kids are more free to be rambunctious.