Sleep training a newborn

[Anonymous]

Precious Little Sleep has some good strategies/tips for babies younger than 4 months that aren’t CIO. I’ve also enjoyed the PedsDocTalk podcast series on sleep. She’s a pediatrician who sleep trained her kid on the earlier side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is the baby still in your room? Can you move him to another, very dark room where you’d still hear him? We moved ours into the walk in closet at about 4 months and everyone slept better.

OP here. We moved him into his crib in his room with blackout shades and white noise. It still didn’t help.

Is the white noise LOUD? We used it from the start but never super loud and thought it didn’t work. Heard to do it loud and it really does work. I can’t hear anyone outside the door over it. And if I turn it down baby can be sound asleep but notices it at half volume and wakes up!

[Anonymous]

Join the fb group ‘Respectful Sleep Learning/Training’. They have a bunch of files analyzing all the methods and supporting people to ST their baby at ANY AGE. Even if you don’t fully go through with it, the info is helpful.

I read all the files and then Mae up my own blended version beginning at 3 weeks which is more about instilling simple foundations rather than training. Following wake windows and an eat wake sleep cycle, always laying in bassinet to sleep etc. do what you and baby are comfortable with and ignore the haters.

[Anonymous]

I did it when my DS was 14 weeks. We used the ferber method and it took about 5-7 days. He's been sleeping from 7 pm to about 6 am since then (with occasional nighttime feeds once a week or so). He's now 6 months and doing great.

[Anonymous]

Stop holding your baby to sleep for naps. You're creating bad sleeping habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop holding your baby to sleep for naps. You're creating bad sleeping habits.

Ignore this person. You're not creating bad sleeping habits holding your baby who otherwise will not sleep. Some babies need a lot more support than others. We held our baby for most naps until we sleep trained at 5 months. Nap trained at almost 6 months and he started napping just fine in his crib. Holding him now is disruptive to his sleep. Holding your newborn baby is not a bad habit.

That doesn't answer your question and I know it's really tough as someone who has been there, holding (or wearing, or holding to extend) every nap from about 6 weeks til 6 months, but I would probably wait until 5 months again if I had another baby like my first, even though sleep was pretty miserable until then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep training means teaching the baby to sleep independently, NOT cutting out night feedings.

We taught our baby from the moment we brought him home that he can fall asleep independently.

It was actually much easier than having him cry at 4 months, because when you first bring the baby home, he does not know that he can fall asleep on you/rocked. He will basically fall asleep the way you teach him. He only ever fussed for 2-3 minutes at a time initially - sometimes no, sometimes yes. Same after he woke up to eat at night (he woke up to eat up until around 3 months because he needed food, but he would go back to sleep by himself after the feeding, no rocking, etc.), we would put him back into his bed. There he would fuss for 2-3 minutes sometimes and would then fall asleep. There were a few times where he fussed for more than 3 minutes, we would go stroke him and shhhh him so that he knows we are there, and he would then fall asleep. So much easier to teach this skill from birth. Again, has nothing to do with not feeding. In fact, at night, when he woke up, we knew he was waking up because he WAS HUNGRY and not just unable to connect sleep cycles on his own.

Bawhahahahaha. You had an easy baby. I had a shrieking banshee vomit machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleep training means teaching the baby to sleep independently, NOT cutting out night feedings.

We taught our baby from the moment we brought him home that he can fall asleep independently.

It was actually much easier than having him cry at 4 months, because when you first bring the baby home, he does not know that he can fall asleep on you/rocked. He will basically fall asleep the way you teach him. He only ever fussed for 2-3 minutes at a time initially - sometimes no, sometimes yes. Same after he woke up to eat at night (he woke up to eat up until around 3 months because he needed food, but he would go back to sleep by himself after the feeding, no rocking, etc.), we would put him back into his bed. There he would fuss for 2-3 minutes sometimes and would then fall asleep. There were a few times where he fussed for more than 3 minutes, we would go stroke him and shhhh him so that he knows we are there, and he would then fall asleep. So much easier to teach this skill from birth. Again, has nothing to do with not feeding. In fact, at night, when he woke up, we knew he was waking up because he WAS HUNGRY and not just unable to connect sleep cycles on his own.

Bawhahahahaha. You had an easy baby. I had a shrieking banshee vomit machine.

+1

I mean, congrats to you, I'm glad this worked out for you, but we tried all of this, right from jump, and it worked for about a week and then the wheels came off the wagon. My baby basically didn't learn to fuss until he was about 6 months old. Before that - he was eating, sleeping, or screaming bloody murder. Fussing for 2-3 minutes would have been delightful. Hell, fussing for 20 would have been delightful. And I think it's pretty clear that the OP does not have your type of baby.

[Anonymous]

When I went back to work my kid was around that age. I was working from home (this was last year). My husband and I took turns wearing him in a carrier and he would nap while we worked (my husband even used this as an excuse to buy a standing desk!). The baby would sleep through me typing--no problem. It's not ideal and I SO feel your pain. But babies that young should not be sleep trained. I personally don't believe in sleep training until babies have object permanence (around 8-9m) but even the most bullish pediatricians recommend you wait until about 5-6m. Your kid should get better at napping in a few months! By 7 months our baby could nap for a bit by himself and now at 12 months he snoozes for two hours no problem. There is light at the end of this tunnel!!!

[Anonymous]

We sleep trained at 13 weeks. Our pediatrician at the time (part of Tribeca Pediatrics in NYC) is famous for pushing sleep training at 12 weeks. Definitely consult with your ped beforehand as your kid needs to be at least 12 pounds, etc. to start sleep training. Assuming that there are no medical reasons to not sleep train, I'd do it. We're actually doing it again with #2 when he/she arrives in a few months.

Here's the deal:

The first night is the hardest. We put our daughter down at 8:30, since our ped said to put her down/get her up at a time that worked best for us (yes, you do not need to wake up at 5 am every day!). My daughter cried for 40 agonizing minutes the first night. My husband was running at the time, so he doesn't remember it being bad (because he wasn't there!). I sat outside the room staring at the monitor and balling eyes out silently. I remember texting him "I can't do this! We will scar her!" blah blah. Anyway, she stopped after about 40 minutes... and started sleeping. She cried a little here and there during the first night, but slept through the night without issue. We got her up the next morning at 8:30 and she was happy. It got easier every day and at day three she stopped crying after we put her down. Her naps started to consolidate. Heck, she started napping on a schedule, which had never happened prior. At present, she is 22 months and still sleeps from 8:30 pm to 8:30 am (today she woke up at 7:45, but this happens 2-3 times a month... Definitely not all the time).

Just stick with it and for us, the cry it out method was what worked. My kid is not the type of kid who deals well with back-and-forth. If she sees us leave and come back (in any scenario) it makes her anxious and she thinks that she can get us to come back. That's not good for her or for us. You're in control here, not your child. Taking the negotiation out of bedtime makes it enjoyable for everyone. We do dinner, bath, call grandparents/eat yogurt snack (when I was breastfeeding, we replaced the yogurt with milk), brush teeth, read books, sing with low lights, and then bed. The pre-bedtime routine is important, but your will do make sleep training work is also important. Don't make it fight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who can leave a 3-4 month old baby to cry is a sociopath, point blank. Shame on you OP.

Not OP but no it’s not. I sleep trained early with both my kids and we are very loving. We all needed sleep. Kids are great sleepers and happy. We’re better parents because we are getting sleep. Most babies will cry much longer when you add it up without sleep training. It’s more detrimental for a baby do be waking up and crying multiple times a night for many months or year than crying for the time it takes to sleep train.

+1. This is my philosophy too. Train them young and you'll avoid a lot of angst!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sleep trained at 13 weeks. Our pediatrician at the time (part of Tribeca Pediatrics in NYC) is famous for pushing sleep training at 12 weeks. Definitely consult with your ped beforehand as your kid needs to be at least 12 pounds, etc. to start sleep training. Assuming that there are no medical reasons to not sleep train, I'd do it. We're actually doing it again with #2 when he/she arrives in a few months.

Here's the deal:

The first night is the hardest. We put our daughter down at 8:30, since our ped said to put her down/get her up at a time that worked best for us (yes, you do not need to wake up at 5 am every day!). My daughter cried for 40 agonizing minutes the first night. My husband was running at the time, so he doesn't remember it being bad (because he wasn't there!). I sat outside the room staring at the monitor and balling eyes out silently. I remember texting him "I can't do this! We will scar her!" blah blah. Anyway, she stopped after about 40 minutes... and started sleeping. She cried a little here and there during the first night, but slept through the night without issue. We got her up the next morning at 8:30 and she was happy. It got easier every day and at day three she stopped crying after we put her down. Her naps started to consolidate. Heck, she started napping on a schedule, which had never happened prior. At present, she is 22 months and still sleeps from 8:30 pm to 8:30 am (today she woke up at 7:45, but this happens 2-3 times a month... Definitely not all the time).

Just stick with it and for us, the cry it out method was what worked. My kid is not the type of kid who deals well with back-and-forth. If she sees us leave and come back (in any scenario) it makes her anxious and she thinks that she can get us to come back. That's not good for her or for us. You're in control here, not your child. Taking the negotiation out of bedtime makes it enjoyable for everyone. We do dinner, bath, call grandparents/eat yogurt snack (when I was breastfeeding, we replaced the yogurt with milk), brush teeth, read books, sing with low lights, and then bed. The pre-bedtime routine is important, but your will do make sleep training work is also important. Don't make it fight!

I forgot to mention that we use a white noise machine and very good shades.

[Anonymous]

Listening to your 13 week old infant cry for 40 minutes should be anathema to a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who can leave a 3-4 month old baby to cry is a sociopath, point blank. Shame on you OP.

Not OP but no it’s not. I sleep trained early with both my kids and we are very loving. We all needed sleep. Kids are great sleepers and happy. We’re better parents because we are getting sleep. Most babies will cry much longer when you add it up without sleep training. It’s more detrimental for a baby do be waking up and crying multiple times a night for many months or year than crying for the time it takes to sleep train.

+1. This is my philosophy too. Train them young and you'll avoid a lot of angst!

I mean, sure, in the sense that the kid is learning not to cry. Studies on cortisol levels of infants show sleep training doesn't take away the *urge* to cry. You're teaching them self control, essentially. And this isn't necessarily a bad thing when done at the correct ages. But the idea of "oh just do it earlier, it's better" using methods *designed* for older babies is not sound. Even Ferber says 4 months is the earliest--and admits its maybe even not appropriate for some babies until 6m.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who can leave a 3-4 month old baby to cry is a sociopath, point blank. Shame on you OP.

Not OP but no it’s not. I sleep trained early with both my kids and we are very loving. We all needed sleep. Kids are great sleepers and happy. We’re better parents because we are getting sleep. Most babies will cry much longer when you add it up without sleep training. It’s more detrimental for a baby do be waking up and crying multiple times a night for many months or year than crying for the time it takes to sleep train.

+1. This is my philosophy too. Train them young and you'll avoid a lot of angst!

I mean, sure, in the sense that the kid is learning not to cry. Studies on cortisol levels of infants show sleep training doesn't take away the *urge* to cry. You're teaching them self control, essentially. And this isn't necessarily a bad thing when done at the correct ages. But the idea of "oh just do it earlier, it's better" using methods *designed* for older babies is not sound. Even Ferber says 4 months is the earliest--and admits its maybe even not appropriate for some babies until 6m.

Is it better for the baby to wait till 7-10 months? Are they more able to cope then ? Or is 6 months the ideal age?